Starting with the concept of On 恩 which translated definition is [4] a favor; a benefit; an obligation; a debt of gratitude; kindness; goodness. On 恩 is an obligation when someone does something for or to another. [5] On is in all its uses a load, indebtedness, a burden, which one carries as best one may. An On 恩 may be small or large, good or bad. It may be a minor thing such as an acquaintance picking up the tab for lunch or a major insult requiring a vendetta. If one accepts or adopts this concept as a way of life, it requires you to keep a mental “file cabinet” of all your obligations. In Japanese society one that follows Giri as a way of life never worries about On debt owed to himself. Sometimes I give neighbors vegetables from my garden, apples from my tree or I will help them with a chore. I give these things without expectation of a return. I once saw a documentary on Japanese culture where a farmer kept a list of all of the unpaid On debt, which is inherited, he and his family had incurred. He periodically would review these On debts and decide which one he needed to tend to without worrying about what was owed to him or his family. Some of these On debt dated more than a hundred years. His sense of Giri was evident.
Regardless of how many On debt one has accrued, it is inherent to the one that follows Giri as a way of life that they get repaid. The one that the debt is owed to may have forgotten about what he did that caused the On debt. It does not matter. It still must be repaid. It is inherent in Western society to forget about a debt if it is perceived that the person the debt is owed to have forgotten.
The thing that insures that one does not forget is called Giri 義理. One either possess it or does not; however, if one has Giri 義理, one will never forget it. Call it honor, duty, or obligation, a man with Giri 義理 can be relied upon 100% of the time. Observing and practicing Giri 義理 demands that all obligations are repaid in full measure and with interest if required. Personal feelings in the matter are completely irrelevant. It is irrelevant whether one wants or likes what is provided to them. If one has received an On debt, Giri 義理 demands that it be repaid. There is an old Japanese saying that goes, [6] Death is lighter than a feather, but Giri 義理 is heavier than a mountain. It is impossible to have a little Giri 義理. One has to fully embrace it if it is a professed way of life.
http://kenukan.com/blog/2016/10/12/j...E%A9%E7%90%86/