I am really new here as far as posting but I try to read here everyday and really value everyone's opinion. I see myself as part of this community and TRY to sit zazen twice daily, and genuinely try my best to follow the precepts and be a good Buddhist. However I think my profession, which I love and have have a great passion for, is responsible for the death and destruction of many beings. I am a Nurseryman and a very good one if I might say so, and have made it a career and for which my family depends on my income from.

I think I have put it out of my mind- all the insecticides that I sell to everyone to save their plants...I sell allot of destruction and death...

I also kill tons of insects that are on the plants that we sell to keep them sellable...what am I to do?

I thought that when I became a Buddhist and most recently a Zen Buddhist, that I had the perfect life for this...my job was Zen like in most respects as I saw it anyway...Now, almost like I had been ignoring it subconsiously I realized that im selling to customers a way for them to kill...

We do sell organic insecticides, but that is still killing...we even sell lady bugs and praying mantids and beneficial nematodes and beneficial wasps to do the killing in a natural way...but that is a small percentage of total sales...

This realization of mine is a big breakthrough In my practice but at the same time a brick wall. Im very confused as to how I can call myself a Buddhist now.

If anyone has any opinions on this that would be great to hear...I value everyone's opinion here.

Thank you very much,
Mark