Hi Jim. Thanks for sharing your insights.
I believe Metta is best when directed towards something other than ourselves. This is a popular theme throught my practice. I'm doing it largely in part to the benefit of others. If the principals and practice of Zen Buddhism make me a better person(which I believe they do) then that is to the benefit of my family, friends, and even strangers I encounter. Like the guy who cuts me off in traffic . He benefits from this practice too. Even if he doesn't practice himself.
As an analogy, our actions create rings which radiate outwards (like a tree leaf

being dropped onto the surface of water)affecting others. It can be in good ways or bad. And then those rings are picked up by others and apmlified/added to before they too radiate outwards from them. It's cyclical. If Dad hits mom, mom hits the child, the child, the child hits the dog, the dog bites the cat....you get the idea.
Gassho,
John