Up until recently i felt like kind of a zen burn out.This concept in my mind led me to be very harsh on myself.I was inspired once more by a friend i had met living at a temple two summers ago.I decided to go to Japan, because this is what i have always wanted to do.I have always talked myself out of following my heart and so i have been telling myself despite whatever consequences there are i need to Jump off this pole for once.I have arranged to train at a rinzai and soto temple for a minimum of a year.In the mean time i have been living a lot more disciplined lifestyle with this motivation...The only problem is i have noticed a rebirth of my tendency to cut myself off from everyone else..I know this is a problem in my home and will be a problem living in japan.This leads me to believe that i really don't need to drop everything but rather have the courage to practice in every moment.It Seems as if my practice feels "good" again, but in my mind something just doesnt seem right over all.I have been reading tons of texts,koans,and sutta's.These things have helped me alot...For a while i really disliked shikantaza i disliked what seemed like a vague nature that was charateristic to such practice and i really felt i needed a foundation, But this also seems to be an excuse.I'm sorry for the rant but where is the middle? I think this can be dangerous.