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Thread: What should a/your Buddhist funeral be like?

  1. #1

    What should a/your Buddhist funeral be like?

    Hello Folks,

    with me undergoing a hospice volunteer training course (three hours each week), a lot of questions regarding death, dying and loss come up naturally these days. Last week a wonderful old cat died in my arms that had only found its way to our kitchen a few weeks earlier. I had her cremated, the ashes arrived in the post yesterday. A friend’s mother was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer a few weeks ago. And the wheel of time turns ?

    I am currently reading a book on „Death and the Afterlife in Japanese Buddhism" as part of my Ango practice. It is truly fascinating how much approaches and rituals have changed over the past thousand years. Which leads me to the question of this thread.

    What should an ideal Zen „buddhist“ funeral be like? Any favourite texts, sutras, rituals (posthumous ordination....someone putting a coin under your tongue). Any fantasies out there?

    "I don't care cause I'm gonna be dead." is a very valid zenny answer. But funerals have never been exclusively about the dead IMHO.

    Personally I just know that I do find the Heart Sutra to be ideally suited to any kind of funeral-ritual, due to its addressing the natur of non-birth and non-death in such a straightforward manner.

    Thank you for your input.


    Gassho,

    Hans

  2. #2

    Re: What should a/your Buddhist funeral be like?

    Hello Hans,
    I exist in hopes Treeleaf will create a virtual monastery some day, with "Zen Monks In Training".
    Barring this though, I like the idea of being ordained as a Zen Monk at death. Either way, a bit of the old "craving" going on there, but I understand there is (or was) such a tradition:

    http://www.terebess.hu/english/htheresa.html

    The second may prove to be my only chance, alas!
    Gassho,
    Don

  3. #3

    Re: What should a/your Buddhist funeral be like?

    Hello Don,

    I like that tradition too...as long as we in the West don't start selling fancy post-death-ordination-names for loads of money (which is sadly only all too common in Japan. Not everywhere, but at a lot of places.).

    Gassho,

    Hans

  4. #4

    Re: What should a/your Buddhist funeral be like?

    When confronted with the death and funerals of beloved ones, I allow myself to go through the whole journey of laughing, crying, singing, being, happy and sad, moon-faced and sun-faced without judging myself or others.
    I sing a little heart sutra and sing along the sutra uttered by the myriad forms and colors and people and stuff. I don't know and place my whole breath and body in this. I also hug people, and eat and drink.
    But that's just me.

    gassho


    Taigu

    PS: Don, why so you need a virtual monastery when you have got a very nice one all around you? Life as it is is the training place. Nowhere else to go.

  5. #5

    Re: What should a/your Buddhist funeral be like?

    Quote Originally Posted by Taigu
    When confronted with the death and funerals of beloved ones, I allow myself to go through the whole journey of laughing, crying, singing, being, happy and sad, moon-faced and sun-faced without judging myself or others.
    I sing a little heart sutra and sing along the sutra uttered by the myriad forms and colors and people and stuff. I don't know and place my whole breath and body in this. I also hug people, and eat and drink.
    But that's just me.

    gassho


    Taigu

    PS: Don, why so you need a virtual monastery when you have got a very nice one all around you? Life as it is is the training place. Nowhere else to go.
    (Munch, munch, munch) This is the sound of me eating the snake's head.
    Thank you, Taigu.
    Gassho,
    Don

  6. #6

    Re: What should a/your Buddhist funeral be like?

    Hi!
    I've been also reading the same book some month ago and it is precious, sometimes a bit too "mindy", but I love History and Religion books (Heines and Dumoulin for example) rather than philosophical books (not two by the way, always philosophy in Religion and a view on religion in a philosophical point of view).
    Anyway, like Don, I was struck like don when I read that Dead People received the precepts when they die... even if they can't say yes at each line... :roll:

    But, I think the Hannya Shingyo (Heart sutra) is definitely what I prefer for every occasion. Birth, Death, Marriage, ... Whenever I read it I find new things I haven't understood (that's not difficult to be honest)... very profond really!
    And I like the fact that it is a core text of every school in Mahayana Buddhism.

    But I also like Shariraimon, heard it once at a funeral ceremony at it struck me too...

    But for my personal funeral, if someone can chant the Hannya Shingyo it would be nice, otherwise I hope people just don't get too bored, I hope they will eat and drink as Taigu said and soon be happy to be together and still on earth to share it... for the rest ... I don't really care to be honest... Maybe I'm too young... I think of death and life a lot... but it is not the funeral part of it that is in my thoughts...

    Thank you Hans for this thread!

    gassho,
    Luis/Jinyu

  7. #7

    Re: What should a/your Buddhist funeral be like?

    This thread made me second-guess myself, so thank you to Hans & all who have posted.

    It's a difficult question to answer. I started out thinking "well, I would like to have X, then this other thing..." Then I remembered who would be at my funeral; my family and friends, none of whom are Buddhist. I'm stuck between the truth that I'm a Buddhist, and these are the traditions of my practice, and the reality that my funeral is a ritual for those I leave behind.

    Like most other people in the world, I love my family. Unlike many people in the world, I trust my co-workers with my life. They keep me safe and I do the same for them. This is, for me, something that transcends religion. I would want both groups to be comfortable, and not wondering "what's this all about?" I know they should respect my wishes, but we're human and I've seen how bizarre things can get at funerals.

    Anyhow, just thought I'd chime in. Thanks for listening.

    gassho,
    Chris

  8. #8

    Re: What should a/your Buddhist funeral be like?

    Jundo, what of the Jewish/Buddhist?

  9. #9

    Re: What should a/your Buddhist funeral be like?

    Does anyone know of a Buddhist prayer one might say when a friend dies?

    Unfortunately, I just lost a mentor.

  10. #10
    Stephanie
    Guest

    Re: What should a/your Buddhist funeral be like?

    It would be whatever it needed to be for the people attending.

    Hopefully my parents would not be in attendance.

    I would like whoever was there to hear something uplifting, that would remind them that all things come to this, but that death is the engine of life and it must be so. Maybe one of those perfect pieces of classical music that manages to capture the perfection of how fleeting life is, and the feeling of a moment of joy being a moment of eternity. That fireworks are so beautiful because they are gone so quickly. Let us let death remind us to love one another better now, because in that moment of love we taste a thousand sunrises. Goodbye tears are drops of dew on blades of grass lit by an eternal dawn.

    I would either want to be cremated or to have a "green burial." I used to like the idea of feeding my body to carrion animals, especially my favorite, crows, but while I like the idea, that would be rather morbid for others to have to deal with.

  11. #11

    Re: What should a/your Buddhist funeral be like?

    Preferably it should be on a Thursday in late October, with thin sunshine. Failing that, any day/time/weather condition will do.
    Whatever gets said - if anything gets said at all - is up to whoever is there.
    I can just leave my bits and bobs to medical science, and when they're done green burial would be the least harmful - I think Ireland's first and only green burial site only opened this year, so it's still a new tradition here. I hope business is good, (if you see what I mean), so that they can keep going and maybe expand to more sites.
    The Buddhist judge Christmas Humphries tried to leave his body as food for the dogs in Battersea Dogs Home, but some health and safety law prevented it from being carried out, which seemed very unfair for all concerned.
    gassho, Monkton

  12. #12

    Re: What should a/your Buddhist funeral be like?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer G P
    Does anyone know of a Buddhist prayer one might say when a friend dies?

    Unfortunately, I just lost a mentor.
    Hi Jennifer,

    I would suggest that any feeling of gratitude that one might speak is a "Buddhist prayer". There are no particular words that need be uttered, but simple gratitude for the person's life and allowing of its seeming end.

    I might also suggest that we sometimes chant the Heart Sutra to remind us that, from another view, there is no "life and death" apart from our view of this world which cuts things up into pieces, beginnings and ends.

    I have been asked to perform funerals from time to time for friends and family. In all cases, the most important aspect is to give comfort to those that remain. Thus, I talk to the family about what they would wish ... something more light and open, something more traditional? However, I feel that in all cases, it is important to leave family and friends with this message of gratitude, acceptance, and "no beginnings, no ends".

    One practice I incorporated into each funeral, including my own mother's, was to have people in attendance speak about how the person had touched and impacted their life. People then realized the effect that this person had had on so many others. Although, usually positive effects ... some people at one funeral spoke openly about how the person was often difficult, and it was not always so. Yet, even there, they spoke with great Wisdom and Compassion about the situation, and the result was honest and great.

    Quote Originally Posted by Taigu
    When confronted with the death and funerals of beloved ones, I allow myself to go through the whole journey of laughing, crying, singing, being, happy and sad, moon-faced and sun-faced without judging myself or others.
    I sing a little heart sutra and sing along the sutra uttered by the myriad forms and colors and people and stuff. I don't know and place my whole breath and body in this. I also hug people, and eat and drink.
    But that's just me.
    Me too.

    Gassho, Jundo

  13. #13

    Re: What should a/your Buddhist funeral be like?

    Thanks, Jundo and Taigu.

  14. #14
    Member Martin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Wherever the next mediation is. Every now and then I make it back to Norfolk, England.

    Re: What should a/your Buddhist funeral be like?

    Neither my wife nor my children nor most of my friends are Buddhist. I don't think the Heart Sutra would work for them. I'd want them to do whatever they think will work for them.

    Conversely, if I were to outlive my wife, the Heart Sutra and some of the other suggestions here would be a comfort to me at her funeral.

    Gassho

    Martin

  15. #15

    Re: What should a/your Buddhist funeral be like?

    I know this is an old post, but I'm grateful I found it. For my dog, we are going to do a memorial when we get her urn. A prayer, some incense, candles, flowers and the heart sutra. Definitely lots of tears

  16. #16

    Re: What should a/your Buddhist funeral be like?

    Quote Originally Posted by cyril
    I know this is an old post, but I'm grateful I found it. For my dog, we are going to do a memorial when we get her urn. A prayer, some incense, candles, flowers and the heart sutra. Definitely lots of tears

    Hi.

    That sounds good.
    I got the question, not long ago, what would i do when i'm really sad, as i am a unsui, and i answered "i weep".

    Thank you for sharing.

    Mtfbwy
    Fugen

  17. #17

    Re: What should a/your Buddhist funeral be like?

    Anything at all that can be used.... TAKE, Otherwise, scrape my body out like an empty taco shell and dump the rest in the Atlantic Ocean.

  18. #18

    Re: What should a/your Buddhist funeral be like?

    Quote Originally Posted by KvonNJ
    Anything at all that can be used.... TAKE, Otherwise, scrape my body out like an empty taco shell and dump the rest in the Atlantic Ocean.
    You sound like my mom . . . "Oh, just put me in a pine box when I go. Don't let them talk you into anything fancy, I don't care. I won't be there." :lol:

  19. #19

    Re: What should a/your Buddhist funeral be like?

    Quote Originally Posted by TwoDots
    Then I remembered who would be at my funeral; my family and friends, none of whom are Buddhist. I'm stuck between the truth that I'm a Buddhist, and these are the traditions of my practice, and the reality that my funeral is a ritual for those I leave behind.
    Very well said! I will be attending a Christian funeral next Tuesday. Even though none of those rituals make sense to me, I plan to simply attend with an open heart, be present with the suffering of others, and offer as much comfort as I can.

    --
    Matt

  20. #20
    Taking this up after a long time, while still chewing on the "Caring Alert" and everything I left unattended.

    I agree that a funeral is for the ones left behind, but often they are asked (or asking themselves) what the deceased would have wanted.

    Like, when my grandma died, the family bought the traditional oak coffin everyone found ugly, but all agreed that she would have liked it, and it would have been important to her that her elderly neighbours saw her having such a good coffin.

    So, saying "do whatever helps you most" is very good, but having a personal request as a guideline might be helpful too?
    I've read somewhere that people light incense sticks on Buddhist funerals.
    Maybe it would be an idea (for me) to ask people to light candles, lighting one candle on the neighbours candle, like it is done in catholic churches on Easter?
    This wouldn't be a very foreign ritual, and I've always liked candle offerings (without being Catholic).

    Please, should any of you wish to share their experiences and thoughts on this topic now or later, it would be helpful.
    Thank you,
    Gassho,
    Danny
    #sattoday

  21. #21
    My personal preference would be for my body to be donated to science and have a Buddhist memorial service/ritual but: I don't have any offline Buddhist friends, and my family is exclusively Christian, so I doubt such a service would be comforting, let alone well-attended :-) I won't be around, so ultimately it wouldn't matter, but honestly, I'm not sure what compromise could be made. *shrug*

    Gassho

    Sat Today

  22. #22
    Kyotai
    Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Meredith View Post
    My personal preference would be for my body to be donated to science and have a Buddhist memorial service/ritual but: I don't have any offline Buddhist friends, and my family is exclusively Christian, so I doubt such a service would be comforting, let alone well-attended :-) I won't be around, so ultimately it wouldn't matter, but honestly, I'm not sure what compromise could be made. *shrug*

    Gassho

    Sat Today
    Im in a similar situation. Whatever the family is comfortable with would be fine with me.

    Gassho, Kyotai
    Sat today

  23. #23
    My wife and I have discussed our wishes regarding dying and death at length with our (grown) children. We have arranged to have our bodies donated to a nearby medical school. But we've left up to the kids how they want to celebrate the memories of our life together. I don't know, but I'd guess there will be a party with wine and music and outrageous stories. Wish like Huck Finn I could be there.

    Gassho
    Meishin
    Sat today

  24. #24
    My niece asked me just last week to describe my funeral for some paper she is writing for college. I will post it here. When the time comes, guys, please sit ... followed by that party!

    Although I was born Jewish, I was ordained as a Zen Buddhist Priest many years ago. Some Buddhists believe in rebirth but, even so, the human body of flesh is not so important. In Asia, most Buddhists will cremate, although some will bury (and some, like many Tibetans, will feed the body to birds or fish!). In my case, I am not much interested in whether there is or is not some future rebirth, and tend to believe that how we live now, in this present life with care and gentleness, is most important. The body is not important.

    So, I am happy to be an organ donor or to leave my body for medical research. In the future, I will not need it any more. I have told my wife that I require no elaborate funeral, and she should just have a party where people play nice music, tell stories, have a drink (in moderation), laugh and remember the times together. Laugh a lot. I have a Buddhist group online around the world (treeleaf.org), so please let them know and tell them to “sit Zazen” (Buddhist meditation). Under no circumstance, have a big, elaborate funeral where a hall is rented, a priest of some sort is summoned and a lot of money is needed. Donate money from guests to charity to help needy people. If donation of my body to science cannot be arranged, then please find the cheapest cremation possible (cremation may be required by law here in Japan, where I live). After that, toss half of my ashes under the trees in the back yard, half on a big mountain (Tsukuba mountain) that can be seen overlooking our town. Maybe think of me sometimes when you see the trees and mountain.

    But really (it is illegal, so it is not going to happen of course), I would not care if they left me out for the trash pickup with the old refrigerators and broken furniture. What is most important is how we live now, the kindness we do in this world.
    Gassho, J
    Last edited by Jundo; 02-06-2015 at 05:32 AM.
    ALL OF LIFE IS OUR TEMPLE

  25. #25
    Thank you so much Jundo for sharing these personal thoughts with us.
    I have never reflected about it, but I think now that I would like something like this. Changing the mountains for the sea, I agree with the rest.
    Gassho
    #Sat Today
    Miguel

  26. #26
    Joyo
    Guest
    Jundo, thank you for sharing. It made a lump in my throat though.

    I've discussed my wishes with my husband, in case he outlives me. (to which he always replies that he plans on outliving me lol!!) Something very simple, with no church or pastor involved (both of our families are very strict Christian and we've both agreed we do not want a Christian funeral). My organs will be donated, and I would like my ashes spread at Cypress Hills Provincial Park, a place I spend as much time at as I can hiking with my dog and practicing Zen. 1412455173395.jpg (here's a picture to show you all)

    My Buddha statues and rakusu would go to a close friend.

    Gassho,
    Joyo
    sat today

  27. #27
    Kyotai
    Guest
    I had to laugh at your last paragraph Jundo.

    On second thought...

    As I write this, cbc radio here in canada is addressing this very topic. Apparently the yearly amount of concrete used in American funerals could create a 2 lane highway stretching halfway across the u.s.a! Mind you, still more efficient then how the Egyptians buried royalty.

    I like the idea of "green burials." The United kingdom has over 250 of them. Canada has 4.

    I like the idea of no embalming fluid, no special ceremony, just returning to the earth among the trees.

    No service, maybe a small gathering with lots of coffee! And some laughs. Lol



    Gassho, Kyotai
    Sat today
    Last edited by Kyotai; 02-06-2015 at 02:47 AM.

  28. #28
    Hi guys,

    I have told my close ones that my body should be taken in pieces to donate what's useful.

    Then they should have a nice party and if possible, they should have a wrestling show. I have always loved pro wrestling. LOL Just kidding.

    All I really want is they are fine and happy. I don't think I'll need much of a ceremony.

    Gassho,

    Kyonin
    #SatToday
    Hondō Kyōnin
    奔道 協忍

  29. #29
    Thank you for so many thoughts and answers.
    Darn, this is in the open forum part!
    Let's sit for our teacher's health and long life, or G+ might sue us for conspiring to make their servers break down.
    Layers of hangout sits, and layers of party.
    May we all and our servers be healthy and at ease.

    Gassho,
    Danny
    #sattoday

  30. #30
    An amazing truth is that some of the people who have posted in this very old thread, and are still so alive and present for us, actually are members who have since passed from this visible world in recent years.

    Let us sit and remember them.

    Gassho, J
    ALL OF LIFE IS OUR TEMPLE

  31. #31
    Quote Originally Posted by Jundo View Post
    An amazing truth is that some of the people who have posted in this very old thread, and are still so alive and present for us, actually are members who have since passed from this visible world in recent years.

    Let us sit and remember them.

    Gassho, J
    Hi All,

    here's a crazy idea, and I just thought of it, so feel free to tell me why it's a horrible idea... A memorial page, listing those who have passed?? Under the "community" tab up there.

    Gassho
    Lisa
    sat today

  32. #32
    Kyotai
    Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by raindrop View Post
    Hi All,

    here's a crazy idea, and I just thought of it, so feel free to tell me why it's a horrible idea... A memorial page, listing those who have passed?? Under the "community" tab up there.

    Gassho
    Lisa
    sat today
    I like it

    Gassho, Kyotai
    Sat today

  33. #33
    Quote Originally Posted by raindrop View Post
    Hi All,

    here's a crazy idea, and I just thought of it, so feel free to tell me why it's a horrible idea... A memorial page, listing those who have passed?? Under the "community" tab up there.

    Gassho
    Lisa
    sat today
    For privacy reasons, I would not without some permission. If were were contacted by a family member, I would by happy to open a special page for the person, even conduct some memorial service (much as we are having this week for Parinirvana). We have had one in the past like so.

    Gassho, J
    SatToday
    ALL OF LIFE IS OUR TEMPLE

  34. #34
    I don't know.
    I like that this forum allows to feel the presence of the deceased, or people who have chosen a different way and are less active.
    But my question on funerals is about the ones left behind, not to create a memorial.

    If you enter a sports club, or workplace, you sometimes hear stories from the past about people who did important things, nice people who used to be there.
    But mostly, they are gone, gone further in health or from this form.
    This forum function of the Zendo is a memorial in itself.

    Like Schroedinger's cat, people live forever.
    Gassho,
    Danny
    #sattoday

  35. #35
    Hi Danny,

    I’ve been thinking about your question. Organ donation & cremation for me. (Would much rather my body were lain out in the woods to feed the animals and decay naturally, but that probably won’t happen.) Scatter my ashes on the mountain, and into the garden, and into the water. Then, I’ve always said, no service, no memorial, just remember me in your own way.

    But lately a few people I know have died with similar directions. With no burial and no service, and the immediate family taking care of the ashes, there was no sense of closure, no paying of respects, no goodbye -- they were just gone suddenly. So I have changed my mind.

    Have a party, how about a BBQ or a picnic somewhere nice. Roll in the grass, fly a kite, blow soap bubbles. Play “What a Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong and lots of other music. Eat, drink, laugh, feel a little bad that you’re enjoying it so much. Buddhist stuff? I like your idea of the candle-lighting, maybe someone could read a little Dogen or Rumi while that happens, as the sun is going down. And have anything else that is comforting and reassuring to the folks left behind, it’s all for them.


    Gassho
    Lisa
    sat today


    P.s. From now on I will refer to the dead as “people who have chosen a different way and are less active”.
    Last edited by Byokan; 02-06-2015 at 01:06 PM.

  36. #36
    Re: What should a/your Buddhist funeral be like?
    I don't plan on attending

    ..on a side note re: death and dying... the Salvation Army up the street says people about to die are being "Promoted to Glory", while a nurse I know says such people are "circling the drain". Very different perspectives.T

    Gassho
    Daizan
    Sat today..nodded off

  37. #37
    Quote Originally Posted by Daizan View Post
    I don't plan on attending
    hahahaha

    I require everyone to wear some Star Trek: TNG paraphernalia, make corny jokes and watch the entire 1990 TMNT movie. Otherwise, I will haunt you all. lol

    Gassho,

    Risho
    -sattoday

  38. #38
    We had always hoped to end our days like Philemon & Baucis, but alas, apparently that isn't to be. I want my funeral to be whatever gives my mate the most comfort possible. I suspect that it'll be held outdoors among the trees; sky above, Earth below, wind in her hair; she'd draw strength and solace from that. The cheapest cremation available ($695 at our local funeral home), in my robes & rakuzu, perhaps urned in my raku mizusashi; the one with the broken and glued-together lid (appropriate somehow). No one but myself would appreciate the Heart Sutra; I'm considering getting my cardboard cremation container ahead of time, and writing it out on the lid myself. Were I to be in attendance, "Hector the Hero" at the beginning and "Flowers of the Forest" at the end would be nice; but we know of no pipers here (I might record them myself, while I can still play). I'd like for an 8X10 of myself (my avatar picture) and a box of good Japanese incense to be mailed down to my previous zendo, where my sangha can perform their traditional memorial service.
    I like Jundo's idea of being scattered on the mountain; but I wonder if looking up at the ridge would give her peace in remembrance, or rekindle a sense of loss. I'll have to ask her.
    Emmet

  39. #39
    A friend of mine recently passed unexpectedly. After his family had a funeral (which I have no details of), our employer hosted a memorial dinner where all his chef friends (he was a chef himself, and that's how I met him!) took different parts of a 30lb pig and prepared them. For major US holidays, he would often host pig roasts himself, in his backyard where he also tended chickens and grew his food... I'd say 100+ people showed up for the dinner. The projector had pictures of him from his life and his girlfriend gave a beautiful speech. We laughed, we drank, we reminisced about his quirks and kindness, and we cried. It was absolutely beautiful seeing how many people he touched and to know that each of us did not have to be alone in our love and sorrow. I'm tearing up right now.

    Anyway, I don't know about the actual funeral ceremony... but I definitely want that. I want my loved ones to be able to connect with each other after I'm gone. A big old party!

    - June

    #SatToday

  40. #40
    Member bayamo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Campinas, São Paulo, Brazil
    I want a "Weekend at Bernie's" type send off then stuff my ashes in to a wicked huge bottle rocket and shoot it off...

    Oh yeah, if I didn't have inner peace, I'd completely go psycho on all you guys, all the time. Carl Carlson
    #SatToday
    Oh, yeah. If I didn't have inner peace, I'd go completely psycho on all you guys all the time.
    Carl Carlson

  41. #41
    Hello,

    This is so apropos. Spent the life fertilizing. Returned to fertilizer: enjoy the tomato!


    Gassho,
    Myosha sat today
    "Recognize suffering, remove suffering." - Shakyamuni Buddha when asked, "Uhm . . .what?"

  42. #42
    Quote Originally Posted by Myosha View Post
    ...enjoy the tomato!

    You kill me, Myosha!
    I'm engraving that on my tombstone.

    Gassho
    Lisa
    sat today

  43. #43
    Unless a Soto Zen presence suddenly springs up in Indonesia (one can but hope!) between now and the time of my demise (some would say my 'demise' came about many years ago, but that's another story ), my funeral will likely follow the Chinese Mahayana tradition of my wife and her family. See here for a 'non-denominational' Buddhist funeral service; while not exactly the same, the local ceremonies follow the general pattern described here: http://www.buddhanet.net/pdf_file/buddhist_funeral.pdf

    I do like this idea as well, though: https://urnabios.com/

    Gassho,

    Bryson

    sat today

  44. #44
    For those who are interested in green burials, here's the web site for the place where my husband and I plan to be buried: http://www.molesfarewelltributes.com..._Services.html

    _/\_

    L.
    sat2day

  45. #45
    I've thought about this a lot, actually, and I want my "funeral" to be a party for friends and family. I plan on leaving some money for the purpose of allowing people to get together as they feel necessary, to enjoy each others' company and have a meal and/or drinks at my expense. Memorializing or eulogizing not necessary or expected....I figure that I will be the one person not in attendance. I would prefer to be cremated, and my ashes disposed of however my family feels is appropriate....if nothing else, just scattered in the wind. As ash, everywhere and anywhere will be my home.

    I kind of envision things as portrayed in the song/video "Going out in style" by the Dropkick Murphys. I'd like my friends and family to have a good time, a happy time, and mourn or celebrate as they see fit. No need for ceremony for me.

    Gassho--

    JimH
    SatToday!

  46. #46
    I think the ceremony is there to comfort the living. I have expressed (and written down) what I'd like when I pass. I've written a little something to either be read or printed out. A little message of my appreciation for having shared my life among my family and friends. The theme is continuity. It's only a couple paragraphs, but hopefully gives comfort for those who need it (there may be one in the crowd.. Haha). I'd like to be cremated, since burial kind of freaks me out (too much horror fiction). I'd like some music played if there's some sort of memorial service. Some fun stuff that I liked to listen to. They could throw on a Beatles album if they'd like. Other than that, doesn't matter. My hope is to make any grieving as comfortable as possible.

    泰 Entai (Bill)
    "this is not a dress rehearsal"

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