Originally Posted by
Jinho
Um, IMHO, unethical is unethical. Forcing someone to do what you have decided is the best thing is still force (yes, yes, I am not talking about physically violent situations, situations with small children, etc.....)
Also, good intentions do not equal ethical actions. I find it very scary that this attitude is prevalent in zen circles.
As for finding better ways to deal in situations, what works for me is:
- respecting/accepting that the other person has no ethical obligation to act as I want them to
- Before I do something, specifically try to think of a "kind and gentle" way to present my viewpoint to the person, dropping all effort to manipulate them into doing what I want. Present the situation from my personal perspective (e.g. "XYZ is a problem for me in this particular way", NOT "doing XYZ is totally wrong and a problem for everybody in the universe")
- sincerely ask the person what is going on with them regarding the situation
- As a backup, find a way to disengage from the situation if that is what I need to do
gassho,
rowan