Blog post:

Most things are habits of Bodymind. Of course you can't change who you are. However, it's possible to forget. Not like ignorance.

What are you thinking about when you sit on the cushion? What are you waiting to do when the sitting is over? What are your goals, and expectations? What makes "what you want to do" different from "what needs to be done?" No teacher has anything to give you, but trust the teacher and most importantly TRUST YOUR PRACTICE. Bodymind is full of habits. Clenching habit. Thinking habit. Twitching habit. All of this has nothing to do with you. There is no "you". There is only the accumulated habits of Bodymind. I want to do this. I want to do that = habit, unbalanced.

Our ways of acting are so ingrained in our Bodymind, that we need to do some crazy practice in order to be normal.

What am I going to have for lunch? What is going to happen at work today? What will happen when I get home? What will happen when I do this or that? Who's watching me? And the million other things we go on and on about. Creating some fictional story where we are the protaganist and everything revolves around "I". "I" want. "I" need. I, I, I. Arguing. Defending. Pushing. Bullying. Using. For what? So we can get some kind of satisfaction? But we're never satisfied. *No matter how much you eat, or what new car you buy, what drugs you use, video game you purchase, or degree you get, you will never be satisfied. Because those things are not anything. They are only what we attach to them.

Getting a degree points to what? You? No. It points to some "body" that has acquired knowledge about something that doesn't exist. I could give a degree to a dog or a chipmunk, and it would mean the exact same thing. Building ourselves up to some imaginary ideal that only exists in our mind. Why do people let us do that? Because they are so busy building up their own ideal, that they couldn't possibly tell you "your full of shit". How can they know that, when they are busy doing the exact same thing you are.

"It feels lonely at the top." that's the old saying, but we keep fooling ourselves thinking that it is not true. If I could just get "more" I would be OK. Then I will have it? Have what? What do you want? Whatever you want, you can't have it because it only exists in your mind. I want to be happy. I want to have security. I want to have the perfect little white picket fence with dog named Chumpy. And what happens when you get that? It doesn't really satisfy does it? You thought it did, but it doesn't. Why is that? Because you are searching for something that is imaginary, something outside of yourself. We don't realize this. We start getting philosophical, and look to something else to fill that gap. That might be Yoga, or crystals, books, and Veganism. It might be a career change, or it might be Zen practice. "Zen can fix this. Zen can give me that satisfaction that I have been looking for. I didn't get it with the house or the car, or the degree, so Zen must be able to give me that." No. It can't. It can show us the desire to have the perfect life, to be fulfilled, and replace it with nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just this. Real you. No you. Zen is good for nothing.


Gassho _/_