The Thirty-ninth of 108 Gates Of Dharma Illumination

[Shokai]

39) The Thirty-ninth Gate: not to quarrel .

Not to quarrel is a gate of Dharma illumination; for it stops angry accusations.(Nishijima/Cross)

Not fighting is a gate of realizing Dharma; it keeps you from anger and argument. (Tanahashi)

Gate Gatha:

May we, together with all buddhas;
Practice avoidance of quarreling,
That we may be free from angry accusations.

Reflection Prompts:

1. Consider how Quarreling and fighting lead to anger and argument.

2. What skills can help in avoiding quarrel and fighting?

3. The Capping verse suggests that love replaces anger. does this happen automatically or are there steps involved?

Capping Verse:

Anger is hungry,
Feed it not
And love takes its place

gassho, Shokai
stlah

[aprapti]

aprapti


sat

[Tairin]

Thank you Shokai

2. What skills can help in avoiding quarrel and fighting?

Generally quarreling is simply a matter of coming at an issue from a different perspective. When we get entrenched in our positions then a quarrel or worse fighting begins. If we can learn to see that our perspective is not the only perspective then we can start to see how a quarrel may be avoided.

Suppose we are sitting on opposite sides of a table and between us is a tea cup. On one side of a tea cup is a beautiful rose. The other side of the tea cup is plain. I see the rose from my seat. You can not see it from your seat. We can either argue about the presence or absence of the rose or we could turn the tea cup so that we see what the other person saw.

3. The Capping verse suggests that love replaces anger. does this happen automatically or are there steps involved?

I am not so sure it happens automatically. The implication is that love will naturally fill the void that anger left behind. I think it takes more work than that. Perhaps there needs to be a transition from anger to understanding to love.


Tairin
Sat today and lah

[Jishin]

Reflection Points:

1. Quarreling and fighting can lead to anger and argument because they are forms of conflict and can escalate emotions. It is important to recognize and address the root causes of these conflicts in order to avoid them.

2. Skills that can help in avoiding quarrel and fighting include effective communication, active listening, empathy, and problem-solving. It is also important to have self-awareness and the ability to manage one's own emotions.

3. Love does not automatically replace anger. It takes effort and the willingness to let go of anger and negative emotions. This can involve the use of coping mechanisms, such as mindfulness and self-reflection, as well as actively choosing to respond with love and kindness instead of anger.

New Capping Verse:

Anger may rise, but with love it dies,
So choose to nourish love instead,
And peace within your heart will spread.

Gassho, Jishin, ST, LAH

[Shokai]

Anger may rise, but with love it dies,
So choose to nourish love instead,
And peace within your heart will spread.

gassho,Shokai
stlah

[Tokan]

Hey all

Jishin has provided an answer that covers what I would want to say, so will not duplicate the post.

Not to quarrel is a gate of Dharma illumination; for it stops angry accusations.(Nishijima/Cross)
Not fighting is a gate of realizing Dharma; it keeps you from anger and argument. (Tanahashi)

As per the Gate quotes, 'not' quarrelling is the gate, not the absence of anger, and I think this is important when we consider our motivation sometimes to work for good - such as being angry at climate inaction and taking a stance that is challenging but not quarrelsome. Not fighting, again, is not indulging in the negative expression of anger, though I do not think it keeps you from anger on its own as Tairin pointed out. But like all things in life, we must welcome them into our sphere of contact (what other choice do we have once that contact has occurred) and then deal with the fallout as best we can. Quarrelling and fighting are unlikely to lead to equanimity and harmony though sometimes finding the path to this is incredibly difficult, as Spiritdove has pointed out. I know if anger arises due to one of my children's behaviour, I recall how much I love them, and it changes my approach to the behaviour and I am therefore more loving and receptive to them, perhaps it is no more complicated than that.

Gassho, Tokan

satlah

[Tai Do]

Thank you, Shokai, for bringing us this Gate.

1. Consider how Quarreling and fighting lead to anger and argument.

Sometimes anger leads to quarreling and fighting; other times the quarreling and fighting starts before anger and argument, and these arise after, as a result of it.

2. What skills can help in avoiding quarrel and fighting?

As a complement to other’s answers, I’d like to add the metta practice as a great way to avoid quarrel and fighting. I use it a lot.

3. The Capping verse suggests that love replaces anger. does this happen automatically or are there steps involved?

Like it was already pointed out, we need understanding, mindfulness and reflection to turn anger into love.


Gassho,
Tai Do (Mateus)
Satlah