The Continuing Tales of Gendo JinKan

[Naiko]

Hoping you are healing well and getting the rest you need, JinKan.

Naiko
st

[Myosho]

Thank You, JinKan.
Your teachings have been very enlightening, thank you for the effort to write this post.

Gassho
Myosho
Sat

[Seiko]

Ah Jinkan,
Your teaching is always welcome and inspirational.

I am fast developing attachment to your posts here. Anticipating the next one. Keep them coming.

Nine bows
Seiko
stlah

[Onkai]

Yes, you are making the world a better place, JinKan. I hope your surgery and recovery go well. Your posts inspire practice in all situations. Thank you, and deep bows.

Gassho,
Onkai
Sat lah

[Tokan]

You are in my thoughts often Jinkan, I hope your teachings get made into a book one day

Gassho, Tokan

satlah

[Jundo]

The world is definitely better from your presence. Thank you for your teaching, JinKan.

Gassho,
Nengei
Sat today. LAH.

Yes.

[Jundo]

Dear All, this message from Jinkan today ...

Jundo,
Hopefully the one of the other priests got back to you. I made it through the surgery but I feel really horrible. The pain is horrible often unbearable. Just in case they didn’t I wanted to let you know I am alive and maybe in a few days I can add well to that. The update should have been posted today. Here are some pics before the surgery of me all bright eyed and somewhat pain free.
Gassho
JinKan

tsuku.jpg

Hang in there, friend. The "horse kicked me in the chest" feeling does pass.

Gassho, J

stlah

[Mokuso]

All the best to you Jinkan .

Gassho.

[Onki]

Thinking of you often, Jinkan. Thank you for your teachings.

Gasshō,

On

Sat today

[Daiman]

Jinkan,

Thinking of you and sending you metta. May you be happy, may you be healthy, may have peace, may you be safe.

Gassho,

Daiman
St/lah

[aprapti]

[Geika]

Rest easy, brother. We're all here with you.

Gassho
Sat, lah

[Jundo]

Update from Rev. Jinkan ...

If all goes well I will have be out of ICU and have me tubes removed. I will try to write an update tomorrow.
Gassho
JinKan

Gassho, J

stlah

[Washin]

Update from Rev. Jinkan ...

If all goes well I will have be out of ICU and have me tubes removed. I will try to write an update tomorrow.
Gassho
JinKan
Gassho, J

[Jundo]

News from Jinkan, Monday night ...

Here is a brief update after being moved to a regular room.
Gassho
JinKan

This brief update comes after I was taken out of the cardiac ICU and I had drainage tubes removed. There was instant relief as the tubes were removed. The internal pressure and nausea that had formed a trifecta of discomfort had left me with just pain. I spent the time from the surgery until now just not giving up. Not giving into pain or desire. Excepting that for now all those little want’s that I often cling to for comfort would not be afforded me. I could not get up to stretch. I didn’t have streaming available to me. I was mainly alone dealing with an internal dialogue that mainly consisted of OW. Through that I did not strive for peace but excepted that internal stillness when it occurred. I did me best to not avoid pain waiting for as long as I could before requesting pain medication not for masochistic reasons but because pain is a part of life and I did not want to become attached to running from it. I accept everything as it arose and equally did not cling. In doing so that has been me practice.

[Kotei]

Gassho,
Kotei sat/lah today.

[Onkai]

Metta, JinKan. I hope the pain subsides. You are facing it bravely.

Gassho,
Onkai
Sat lah

[Jinkan]

For this week’s update I struggled at first with what to write. I have had little normal human contact. I just seem to either be poked and prodded (I am really hating the blood sugar pricks). Forced coughing to expand me lungs and walking were each step feels like the strain of an entire marathon compiled into each raising and setting down of the leg. But I mainly lay mostly nude covered only by a thin hospital gown with no hint of embarrassment stuck between the two opposing polarities of extreme pain and drug induced euphoria. Trying to except each experience and not get lost in the desire to be in the mean between the two. Big surgery like this really puts things in perspective and can take the piss out of you leaving you an almost empty vessel ready to be filled. You lose almost everything after the surgery. You lose thoughts of decorum, embarrassment and free will. You become a force of will just trying to get through this experience and survive. If you can let go of that will, that drive to survive though you will be filled with that thing that the infinite still fails to encapsulate. You will be devoid of hard concepts and attachments knowing that all things are in flux and the unmanifest truth that flux comes from. So for this update I share that I am alive. I am alive with attachments and a strong desire to get through this experience and live. I am alive and am able to still serve and work to save all sentient beings. I am alive and able to still practice and in that practice. In a hospital gown stripped of all, I am able to occasionally reap harvest of me practice where the “I” dissipates and meets the infinite and just truth remains.
Gassho,
JinKan

[aprapti]

aprapti

[Onkai]

Deep bows

Gassho,
Onkai
Sat lah

[Nengei]

I think sometimes, maybe, the hospital robe can be the Buddha's robe, a formless field of vast liberation, maybe most so when it feels least so. Thank you for your teaching, JinKan.

Gassho,
Nengei
Sat today. LAH.

[Tokan]

Gassho, Tokan

satlah

[Jinkan]

Just a quick update I want to share that I am back at home. I got home last night and had to deal with a very angry cat for leaving him for so long. I have very little energy but I will try to write a proper update later. I am happy to be able to sleep in me own bed without a blood pressure cuff on and having the IV in me neck and arm removed. I have a long road ahead and chemotherapy starting up more quickly than I would like (a month if I get cardiac approval). With all that said I will keep practicing and trying to serve and contribute to our lovely Sangha. Thank you all for your sent metta and kind words and wishes it was and is appreciated.
Gassho,
JinKan
Sat

[Onkai]

Thank you for the update, JinKan. Much metta. I hope you are feeling alright.

Gassho,
Onkai
Sat lah

[Nengei]

Glad to hear you are in a more comfortable place and taking grief from your kitty.

Gassho,
Nengei
Sat today.

[Jundo]

Lovely.

[Shinshi]

Glad you are home JinKan. Much metta for you and angry cat. (I am sure the cat is secretly glad you are home.)

Gassho, Shinshi

SaT-LaH

[Naiko]

It’s wonderful to hear that you’re home, JinKan. I hope you will be resting well and healing, with the good company of your cat.
Gassho,
Naiko
st lah

[Shōnin Risa Bear]

gassho
ds sat, lah

[Geika]

Happy to see you at home, Jinkan!


stlah

[Tokan]

Enjoy your 'creature' comforts!

Gassho, Tokan

satlah

[Gareth]

Glad to hear you are back home.

Gassho,
Gareth
Sat today, Lah

[Kotei]

Good to hear from you, brother.
Gassho,
Kotei sat/lah today.

[Jinkan]

I am exhausted. It is bloody hard to go through continuous medical treatments. The stress and pain can be overwhelming and exhausting. So how do I practice and keep that impossible vow to save all sentient beings in this state? How do I teach when me voice feels weak and small? Simply living is how I practice and teach. I don’t give in to giving up. I except all as it happens and do me best to make no criterion. I strive through practice to be anchored to the dharma whilst being tossed in the currents of life. It is in the living that I teach and I try to be an example for all. In the hospital I embodied Jizo in hell sharing compassion with those I could while there was pain and suffering going on all around and even inside me. At home I more often embody Manjishuri trying to cut through delusions and trying to live in that non dual mind where both fear, pain and even hope are transcended and just the tranquility of truth remains. When I serve the homeless I might be embodying Kannon and in those rare occasions sitting on me zafu as if me back were to the bodhi tree empty of all I am Shakyamuni. So putting flowery words aside how then am I transcending me exhaustion? By practicing the middle way. By sitting when I am tired and knowing when I am too tired to sit. Excepting that even if I nodded off a few times during meditation I still sat Shikantaza. Not good Shikantaza nor bad Shikantaza just Shikantaza free of distinction. So sit as you are able and live as you are able for when guided by Buddhism it all becomes a great and perfect practice.
Gassho,
JinKan
Sat

[aprapti]

Simply living is how I practice and teach.

that is what you show us. bows, jinkan



aprapti


sat

[Shinshi]

I am exhausted. It is bloody hard to go through continuous medical treatments. The stress and pain can be overwhelming and exhausting. So how do I practice and keep that impossible vow to save all sentient beings in this state? How do I teach when me voice feels weak and small? Simply living is how I practice and teach. I don’t give in to giving up. I except all as it happens and do me best to make no criterion. I strive through practice to be anchored to the dharma whilst being tossed in the currents of life. It is in the living that I teach and I try to be an example for all. In the hospital I embodied Jizo in hell sharing compassion with those I could while there was pain and suffering going on all around and even inside me. At home I more often embody Manjishuri trying to cut through delusions and trying to live in that non dual mind where both fear, pain and even hope are transcended and just the tranquility of truth remains. When I serve the homeless I might be embodying Kannon and in those rare occasions sitting on me zafu as if me back were to the bodhi tree empty of all I am Shakyamuni. So putting flowery words aside how then am I transcending me exhaustion? By practicing the middle way. By sitting when I am tired and knowing when I am too tired to sit. Excepting that even if I nodded off a few times during meditation I still sat Shikantaza. Not good Shikantaza nor bad Shikantaza just Shikantaza free of distinction. So sit as you are able and live as you are able for when guided by Buddhism it all becomes a great and perfect practice.
Gassho,
JinKan
Sat

Thank you Jinkan, you are all those Bodhisattvas and more.

Gassho, Shinshi

SaT-LaH

[Onkai]

Thank you, JinKan, for a model of practice and showing your compassion and wisdom in difficult situations. I'm glad you have a strong will, and I'm still sending metta.

Gassho, Onkai
Sat lah

[Geika]

stlah

[Jinkan]

I spent a lot of this week just grateful to be out of the hospital and eating non hospital food. Don’t they say a burrito a day keeps the doctor away. Mentally I have energy but as soon as I do anything physical that energy goes out the window. I am temporarily off a medication that causes me to have twitches and muscle spasms so in the hospital I had big ideas for all these projects I wanted do that require fine motor skills. Carving a name seal, sewing a Rakusu and a Kesa and repairing me Koromo and Gasa. I also had big plans to catch up with reading and practicing Oryoki. I have slowly started to continued me reading of two books and I have worked on carving some seals but that is it. Everything has pretty much been put on the back burner because of lack of energy. I do me physical therapy and then I have to sleep. I get up and I maybe sit or more PT and sleep or rest. I have to slowly work out both muscles and a brain that have slightly atrophied in the hospital. Getting back into a regular schedule of sitting is just as important to me as getting me strength back. The sitting is so important because Zazen is what has kept me stable through everything. Zazen has taught me ultimate acceptance. I don’t think why me or why am I so tired. Instead I show thanks for being alive by being present in all I do. Knowing that I can only do a few things right now but what I can do I will do with single mindedness and gratitude with out the desire to do more. Through sitting I let of those thoughts of why can’t I do such and such and instead dwell in what can get done will get done. In accepting life as it is I dwell peacefully. In pain doing physical therapy I dwell peacefully. Struggling to read with dyslexia and brain damage I dwell peacefully. Sitting with stillness or a mind like a raging river I dwell peacefully. May you all accept what life gives you and dwell peacefully and next week when I have me last oral surgery and am subject to more pain I will do the same.
Gassho,
Jinkan
Sat

[aprapti]

sat

[Onkai]

Deep bows

Gassho,
Onkai
Sat lah

[Jinkan]

- [ ] I write this weeks update having just come home from me last and most painful oral surgery. The surgeon didn’t numb me up enough and I could tell about a quarter of the way into the procedure and the surgeon ignored me attempts to get him to get numb me up more. So I through eyes heavy and blurry with tears I watched on as this surgeon plied his trade while ignoring me pain. This man whom inflicted pain on me also gave me the opportunity to live the precepts and bring me practice off the mat. As thoughts of anger, rage and hate popped in me head. The inevitable result of this person causing me pain. I did not hold on anger and I did not run away from pain aware of me breath and reclined posture I dwelt in concentration truly sitting and living those moments in the oral surgeons office. In accepting and letting go I was able to find peace in n the pain. When lain first hit me pain was like a big rock thrown into the still water of me. At first as the mind reflexively reacted to the pain the waves that pain created in mind were large and disruptive. As the initial shock of both the pain and the callous lack of any empathy in response to it by the surgeon left the waves died down both in frequency and magnitude. Accepting thoughts without clinging to them or trying to force thoughts to stop. Sitting with thoughts in ever deepening concentration. I drop below the surface of mind where thoughts and emotions were once raging waves to reside in the empty infinite below. After the surgery I wiped the accumulated water from eyes and bowed to the chair and bloodied tools for their part in teaching me. I then made a complaint to the office manager and owner so that hopefully no one else will have to experience that. The manager gave me the information for the oral surgeons association so I could lodge a complaint with them. May those of you who find yourselves at the mercy of tsunami like thoughts and emotions on the ocean of your mind. Don’t fight the or try to stop your thoughts and emotions. Doing so would be like trying to swim against a strong current or undertow exhausting and wearing yourself outs while being pulled further into the ocean of your mind. Instead of using up all your energy we use the Dharma like a life preserver and have your practice be the rations that sustain you and give you strength to weather whatever life throws at you. If you use the Dharma as preserver you will recognize thoughts and instead of getting caught in their currents and being pulled further out into the sea of mind you will recognize and let go of the thoughts. You have many hours of practice to sustain you through these storms and in the midst of one suddenly you will realize there is no storm, no shore and no ocean. You are a drop returning to the ocean the ripples that are created as it returns is your life.
Gassho,
JinKan
Sat

[Kokuu]

If you use the Dharma as preserver you will recognize thoughts and instead of getting caught in their currents and being pulled further out into the sea of mind you will recognize and let go of the thoughts. You have many hours of practice to sustain you through these storms and in the midst of one suddenly you will realize there is no storm, no shore and no ocean. You are a drop returning to the ocean the ripples that are created as it returns is your life.

[Onkai]

Thank you for sharing the practice you maintained in great pain, JinKan. Although I wouldn't wish for the situation, I would hope to practice with what pain arises as well as you did. I hope you feel better now.

Gassho, Onkai
Sat lah

[Naiko]

Thank you for this teaching, JinKan.

Naiko
st

[Tai Shi]

JinKan, thank you for sharing. Your cup of gratitude is the cup of water to a thirsty earth from one who has logged more hospital time than I care to recount. A rakusu, Oh I wish I could sew one! I'm with you a Burrito beats hospital food any day. Here's peace to you!
Gassho
sat/lah

[Jinkan]

The Green Onion a great teacher. Today I want to share a very quick story about Roshi Green Onion and how it shared the dharma. We have a guest in our house this week and after seeing me sit and watching me do a ceremony she asked me to teach her about zen. I gave her a brief talk about Shikantaza and I brought out me extra zafu and Zabuton so she could sit. She sat for 15 minutes and her legs and back really started to hurt (she had walked miles the day before in Yosemite with me roommate). So I stopped the meditation and since it was time to cook dinner I asked her to help with the dinner. I asked her to do everything that I had told her to do prior to sitting but apply it to the cooking. She finished cutting up carrots and after looking at the cuts I gave her a green onion and told her it would be a better teacher than I. She started cutting the green onion and gazing outside. I quickly stopped and told her green onion Roshi wanted to know where she was. I showed her the chopped onion super tiny sliced onion and then huge chunks it was very haphazard. Green onion Roshi wants to know if instead of being with him was your mind outside in the fading light of dusk or where you entranced by the future. I showed her the cuts and told her maybe for these thin uniform cuts she was present and maybe for the larger cuts she was not. She agreed and I gave her some new green onion. She stared to work on the new stalk and I stopped her. Green onion Roshi says you are hurting him and still not present cutting him. She looked confused and I smiled and looked at the row of thinly sliced scallion and neat and perfect and I pointed to extremely crushed green end here hand had been holding. Green Onion Roshi says you were trying to be present but you were also just concentrating on concentrating. You were so focused on the cutting you forgot what your other hand was doing. You were fighting your thoughts instead of excepting and letting them go that’s why your hand was clenched in such a tight fist. I sat her down and told here that what she had done was zen. I explained that when she fighting her thoughts and focused on concentration not on the cutting of the green onion it is very much like the meditator that focuses on enlightenment. If you are fighting thoughts or focused on enlightenment then you are not present. She said things started to kind of make sense but meditation seemed very hard and boring so why do people do it. I can only speak for me self but I do it because it offers me truth. To see things as they truly are free of distinction. I asked her which of the two times cutting the green onion was she practicing better. She thought about it and said when I was concentrating hard because she was still concentrating and cutting nice slices. I told her neither. In zen we don’t have good meditation or bad mediation just meditation. Same thing with our other practices. Zen can be boring but it is our own selves that create that boredom. Zen offers us a truth that is free from distinctions. By being present and excepting and letting go of thoughts, emotions and distinctions we can transcend things like boredom and excitement. In zen after practicing on the mat we start to see the dharma everywhere. Even in a green onion that can teach us to be present with a mind not clinging.

So to me Treeleaf mates next time you work with Roshi Green Onion be present. Be present in both thought and deed for while the Roshi will not bring boredom, excitement, joy or sadness and if you experience them it is not the Roshis doing. He is willing to be equally present with you and in that you may experience the great truth.
Gassho,
JinKan
Sat

[Naiko]

Thank you, JinKan and Green Onion Roshi.

Naiko
st

[Shinshi]

Lovely JinKan. Thank you for sharing the Green Onion teaching. And thank you for sharing a story with a friend.

Gassho, Shinshi

SaT-LaH

[Kaisho]

JinKan thank you for sharing that experience with us. Green onion Roshi is quite the teacher.

Gassho
Kaisho stlah

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