Feeling intimidated about upcoming Zazenkai

[Gregor]

I plan to attend a 4 hour Zazenkai in the flesh at Pioneer Valley Zendo in 12 days.

My practice is very weak right now when it comes to holding a posture.

Ecxited to practice there with others and the teacher seems very understanding via email yet I am afraid to death of sitting those 4 × 50 minute rounds Antai-ji style.

Any advice or pointers that will help me?

I have only been back to sitting for around a month; Am I moving too fast or just over thinking it?

Gassho,

Greg
ST

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[Kokuu]

Hi Greg

Mostly my advice would be to relax and enjoy as much as you can. I know that is easier said that done but holding tension is not going to help!

When I have been in a similar situation, and wondering if I would get through due to my constraints of chronic illness, I have given myself permission to back out after one round of sitting, or two or three, as necessary. I find this very much takes the pressure off. There is no success or failure when it comes to Zazenkai and maybe you sit one round of sitting and Kinhin this time then two the next. That's perfectly fine. It is not a competition and most teachers will be understanding, especially if you explain your newness.

Also, if you can spend the time between now and then doing some gentle stretching you may find that helps.

The first time with a new group is always mostly about learning the ropes and orienting to the space and other participants. After that it becomes much more familiar.

Go, enjoy, and report back to us how good it was!

Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday/lah-

[Jundo]

I have only been back to sitting for around a month; Am I moving too fast or just over thinking it?

Certainly a bit of both, but they are used to people coming and having trouble with the long sits, so you will not be the first. They will guide you. Yes, Pioneer, which was hand built by Okumura Roshi, does the long Antaiji style, in my understanding.

Use my "Sesshin Switch" ...

On the third or fourth day of a long, 10 day Sesshin I was feeling bored, homesick, a bit irritated and my back hurt. Suddenly, I found that I had a kind of inner switch, in with I could "pretend" that I was totally at home, content, feeling like there is no other place to be, lovin' it. I just remembered what that feels like from memory, and felt it. Then, I hit the switch again ... back to bored, homesick, etc. ... hit it again: at home, content, etc. See if you can find that switch and play with it back and forth like that. It works, and is a switch I still have many hard times in life. We don't realize how often our attitude colors the situation.

It does not help so much with achy legs, but it helps with the mind ...

As to legs, learn the art of micro-movements during Zazen, very slight shifts in weight from left to right buttock, slightly shifting the spine, taking the pressure off for a few minutes and giving that part of the body a rest. It helps with very long sittings. If you need, don't be proud and sit in a chair.

Sorry to run long.

Gassho, J

STLah

[Nengyoku]

On the third or fourth day of a long, 10 day Sesshin I was feeling bored, homesick, a bit irritated and my back hurt. Suddenly, I found that I had a kind of inner switch, in with I could "pretend" that I was totally at home, content, feeling like there is no other place to be, lovin' it. I just remembered what that feels like from memory, and felt it. Then, I hit the switch again ... back to bored, homesick, etc. ... hit it again: at home, content, etc. See if you can find that switch and play with it back and forth like that. It works, and is a switch I still have many hard times in life. We don't realize how often our attitude colors the situation.

Thank you for this.

Gassho,
William
SatLah

[Gregor]

Dear Kokuu & Jundo,

You guys are the best. Such great advice and encouragment.

Feeling braver already!

Gassho,

Gregory
ST

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[Gregor]

Forecast is calling for snow perhaps 8 inches up in the mountains over the course of the day tomorrow. Still perhaps foolishly thinking I will make the attempt to drive there Sunday morning. A lot of variables to weigh and will have a decision tomorrow night depending on road conditions. I do have a coworker who lives up that way I can check with tomorrow night regarding how drivable those dirt roads are. . .

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[Gregor]

Well, looks like I won't be making it to Valley Zendo this time. The resident teacher, Eishin Ikeda is ill and has canceled the Zazenkai.

Please send him metta for a speedy recovery.

Gassho,

Gregor
ST

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[Jundo]

May Rev. Ikeda recover quickly, may the snows cease, and may you make it to Valley Zendo soon.

Gassho, J

STLah

[Gregor]

May Rev. Ikeda recover quickly, may the snows cease, and may you make it to Valley Zendo soon.

Gassho, J

STLah

Thank you!

Gassho,

Greg
ST

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