I am in a relationship with a real character

[Angel]

I have a question. I have asked it many times before but no one’s answer seemed to answer my question. I either didn’t ask the question clearly, they didn’t understand the question clearly, our understanding of the Dharma is different – or in my case, it was a neurotypical/neurodiverse translation problem. I took all those words to say these: This is going to run long but translation is challenging and this is my best.

William Shatner loves Captain Kirk. He has said as much in interviews. He has also shared that he often finds himself responding to life as Kirk, rather than himself. Welcome to the story of my life. By identifying as the character I’m playing, and playing to a packed theatre of seven billion people, I’ve forgotten who I am. That has been my experience of life, with brief moments of clarity. During those times it is less clear, I still know. I don’t un-know solely because I am not experiencing it at the moment. Which brings me to my question.

Could anyone speak to the prescribed or recommended relationship to have with the character?

Unfortunately, my attempts at letting the answer arise are being sabotaged by the mind co-opting the question…if that makes any sense.

Angel - sattoday

[Jundo]

I have a question. I have asked it many times before but no one’s answer seemed to answer my question. I either didn’t ask the question clearly, they didn’t understand the question clearly, our understanding of the Dharma is different – or in my case, it was a neurotypical/neurodiverse translation problem. I took all those words to say these: This is going to run long but translation is challenging and this is my best.

William Shatner loves Captain Kirk. He has said as much in interviews. He has also shared that he often finds himself responding to life as Kirk, rather than himself. Welcome to the story of my life. By identifying as the character I’m playing, and playing to a packed theatre of seven billion people, I’ve forgotten who I am. That has been my experience of life, with brief moments of clarity. During those times it is less clear, I still know. I don’t un-know solely because I am not experiencing it at the moment. Which brings me to my question.

Could anyone speak to the prescribed or recommended relationship to have with the character?

Unfortunately, my attempts at letting the answer arise are being sabotaged by the mind co-opting the question…if that makes any sense.

Angel - sattoday

Hi Angel,

First, many Trekkies at Treeleaf.

In Zen, it is taught that we have several "characters." Of course, you have the "character" named "Angel" whom you need to get by in life. In fact, "Angel" is many characters for different situations, such as the "son" character to his parents, worker character, friend character to your friends, shopper character in the store. Just make sure that all those characters are, as best you can, good and gentle, sincere and nice characters ... i.e., not the Kirk and Spock from that evil other universe ...

Also make sure that your character is doing something meaningful for yourself in the world, e.g., some work that is meaningful to you, making the world a bit better than it was before. You know, like Kirk, "Going where no person has gone before," meeting new civilizations and settling inter-planetary disputes.

But we also speak of the "Character of No Rank" coming in and out one's nose, or our "True Self" Character when all the "me/not me" "subjective/objective" "my wants and my desires" selfish self softens or fully drops away in Zazen. This is why we engage in Zazen and our other practices, to realize this "Non-Character Character."

Then we find that the "Character of No Rank" and the "Angel Character" are two faces of the same Angel. Then, Angel, Kirk and Spock, the Enterprise, the Klingons, the Q Continuum, the stars and spaces between the stars, the Delta and All Quadrants, DS-9 ... are one beyond one.

Gassho, J

STLah

Sorry to run long

[Kokuu]

Could anyone speak to the prescribed or recommended relationship to have with the character?

Hi Angel

What is interesting for me about your post is that you talk about an ‘I’ that has a relationship with your character. In Buddhism it may be pointed out that the notion of that central ‘I’ is as much as a fiction as the character itself.

Yogacara Buddhist philosophy identifies this part of consciousness which imputes a central ‘I’ with possession over thoughts and character as the seventh consciousness, called manas, which sees all of the sense impressions from the first six consciousnesses (the five senses and thinking mind) and labels them as ‘I’ or ‘mine’. Without that we have no single character but are in fact a fluid form of thoughts, feelings, ideas etc.

However, it is important to function in life to have some sense of self in order to interact with others and, as Jundo says, it is good to make that character as kind and thoughtful as we can. But, at the same time, we can be aware that it is in many senses a fictional creation of the mind, and is not separate from the greater wholeness of life, of which we are an expression.

As you point out in your post, the mind tends to try to co-opt whatever is happening, and we can be aware that is a natural part of how the mind works, but not need to identify with it as an actual self, which does not exist. The self which has the relationship is as empty as the character itself and you do not need to hold onto it as real. If there is one piece of advice I might offer, it is to let go of a need to control and just relax and be.

As Chinese Zen monk Shitou Xiqian puts it in his teaching poem Song of the Grass Roof Hermitage:

“Let go of hundreds of years and relax completely.
Open your hands and walk, innocent.
Thousands of words, myriad interpretations,
Are only to free you from obstructions.”

My apologies for a long reply.

Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday-

[Soka]

There is a saying (among many similar) somewhere out there about how we all wear three masks:

- The mask we show to the world - how we want to be seen.
- The mask we show to ourselves - how we see ourselves.
- The mask seen by the world - how others perceive us.

I think that perhaps for some neurodiverse folk there is greater contrast between these masks, or perhaps greater awareness of the contrast. There is vulnerability in letting others see the mask I show myself, and so I play a character to protect that self. But what am I really protecting? I forget who I am on a daily basis, and play this character, then I sit and forget the character. I think the more I sit, the smaller the separation between the masks I control becomes. Whether that matches up with how others see me I do not know, that has become less of a concern. None of these masks are truly me, but at the same time they are all me and all changing. And instead I find myself contemplating T. S. Eliot's cats, for cats also have three names.

https://poets.org/poem/naming-cats

Sorry to continue the long running.

Gassho,
Sōka
sat

[Meian]

an actual self, which does not exist. The self which has the relationship is as empty as the character itself and you do not need to hold onto it as real

First, I am grateful for this explanation -- I now understand something that has always eluded me.

Angel, I may also misunderstand, but I will speak from my perspective. I have never been able to interact naturally on my own. I do not understand social cues, or what is considered appropriate speech patterns in different contexts or settings.

To navigate these environments, I learned how to adopt "roles" temporarily in settings that I found myself in frequently -- and a backup role to fit anywhere else. Otherwise, silence is my best option. I choose these roles based on book characters, people I've admired, TV characters, and others -- archetypes that fit situations I needed to survive, but had no other means to learn or practice for.

I still adopt roles, but not as consciously or often. When not needed, I am 'me/I' -- which is usually undefined, as even the silence is not silent. "I" am undefined.

Sorry to run long.

Gassho, meian stlh
(she/her/they/them)

[Kaisui]

I listened to Domyo Burke's Zen Studies Podcast yesterday, an episode about enriching our Zazen practice, which mentioned our different selves and how different parts/sides of us evolved for different purposes in our lives. She says when we sit Zazen, it is usually the spiritual side of us that feels like our true self at the time and tries to bring the other selves into line, but that really...

The wholeheartedness we seek in zazen can only be achieved if we invite all of these “selves” to participate.

I found that line so profound actually I had to stop the audio and let it sit with me.

The section I'm speaking of is item 12 of this episode - https://zenstudiespodcast.com/enliven-your-sitting-2/ - and I recommend the whole thing so far (I am still part way though it after having to stop at that bit).

Gassho,
Charity
sat/lah

[Rich]

Here’s the simple explanation attributed to buddha. Embellished a little.
The universe is empty.
Something appears which we attache to but it’s delusion. If we cut our attachment we can experience blissful emptiness. So I-me-my and anybody else created in the mind is delusion. With practice we return to the present again and again cutting our attachments. This pure awareness/ consciousness is the same for all beings. With out attachments to thinking we are one.
There’s no secret or anything to learn. You already are the buddha nature. You just have to keep practicing, keep trying

Sat/lah


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[Kokuu]

Hi Angel, all

I just read this teaching from Roshi Joan Sutherland which resonates with me with respect to this question:

"We put on our clothes when the alarm goes off because, for another day, we accept the invitation to be the vastness taking this form, and we'll try not to be stingy about it. We'll 'pretend' to be human beings in our human being skins, not in the sense of false performance, but remembering that we're both born and unborn, named and unnamed - human and everything else in the universe too."

-- Vimalakirti and the Awakened Heart, p39


Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday/lah-