The Zen Master's Dance - 4 - Fukan Zazengi (to p. 23)

[Jundo]

One of my very best friends died at the end of September. He was in his early 50s, and had a cardiac arrest following a home workout. I did not deal with it well at all. I experienced short periods of equanimity though via seated zazen, mini zazens and meal gathas, and via walks by myself where I would let go of thoughts. I reflected on impermanence generally, e.g. that of myself and my family. I went between this and a view that I should just let myself be miserable and think about my lost friend, his family, and, selfishly, the decades of laughter I thought we had left.

The zazen was not something I really wanted to do, it even felt wrong or that I was 'using' zazen, but the relatively brief periods of letting go and equanimity helped me remain mostly reasonable and not react badly most of the time to little daily trials in a busy household, it also helped mitigate some old problems that could affect others.

Gassho,
Gareth

Sat today, Lah

I am sorry that your friend died, and that you feel the loss so profoundly.

And yet ... we can experience that there is no birth and death, nothing coming or going ... like waves that are just the sea, that rise and fall on the sea, yet the sea remains all along. So, there is no coming and going, not a drop lost from the sea.

And yet, and yet ... your friend has died, and your heart was broken.

If I may, I will dedicate today's Zazen to your friend.

Gassho, Jundo

STLah

[Gareth]

Thank you very much for this. It was difficult to view it this way at the time, but I do agree.

Gassho,
Gareth

Sat today
Lah

[Chikyou]

What a lovely discussion.

I don't have anything to add, though I'm thinking about it. I am new to this practice and have and do struggle with these things.

This has been a wonderful and healing thread to read through.

Gassho,
SatLah

-Kelly