I know I'm late, and I'm catching up. When my parents recently moved to Tampa, the first emotion that came to me was how old they looked. In my mind, they were still the parents of my youth; I'm sure I'm still their little child to some extent. Very early on, it became an overwhelming situation. I was overwhelmed with anger toward them; I was overwhelmed with my own mortality; I was overwhelmed with sorrow for them and stress and worry. They moved here without a plan, on a whim. There is a lot of other stuff going on as well with my Dad's health.
I have never felt more helpless. Then something interesting happened; I literally dropped my expectations. I dropped it -and made myself face how they are, who they are, not who I want them to be. I also realized they need my help.
So that has become my 2nd job
Initially my mom was very distraught and stressed moving here - I mean my parents are in their mid-70's so up and moving is just an incredible change. So I decided to see things from their perspective; I also realized that if they had waited for a fully fleshed out plan that it may have delayed things; having them here was the first priority, and so I think my mom was right all along.
They also got to meet their grandson, and we will be having thanksgiving dinner for the first time in 17 years; we normally visit them on christmas only; I'm an only child, and this has been a deep pain in me for so long. I cannot explain how much of a miracle and blessing it is that they are here - a literal blessing that I get to help them.
So I had to step it up and really just accept it so I could move forward. When they first came here, she was breaking down almost daily. But with patience and love, she has started healing. I think that despite not having a plan, the fact that they moved here was huge. Also I've started healing a lot.
Feeling that overwhelm was like a huge wave of stress and anxiety, but dropping it and focusing on the good little things every day and what we could do to actually move forward was huge.
We only get a small amount of time here - it's helped me put into perspective what is really important in my life. I just had to let go all of the attachment to the past.
What a miracle this life is!
Gassho
Risho
-stlah