I take the words of the ‘Hsin Hsin Ming’ of Seng Ts’an, the third Chinese patriarch of Zen to heart whenever I feel an emotion I don’t “like” such as anxiety: “To set up what you like against what you dislike [and vice versa] is the disease of the mind.”
In Jundo’s second beginner’s talk he talks about mirror mind, letting everything become reflected and pass. I believe that is what is happening when the mind calms down: it no longer stacks up “what if’s” or “should be’s” and wishful thinking against uncomfortable thoughts and emotions that arise.
It is like a mirror but also like watching a chess match: there are the black and white pieces, you ARE cheering for one side but since you are not playing in the game, then you are not so invested. I also believe everyone is wiser than they think and already know these things, if not on an intellectual level.
This short video might be illuminating and helpful (it was for me):
A few more than three, I apologize.
PS One more thing I’d like to add is, I’m not an expert in anything, contact a doctor. (I really both like and don’t like legalese like that because we don’t show enough reverence for experts, AND we sometimes put too much faith in them and not enough accountability in ourselves, to paraphrase a quote I’ve heard: “If you don’t have faith in yourself, not even the Buddha can help you.”) It may be helpful to think of one of the benifits (although we don’t practice for benefits) of Zazen to be
like exposure therapy, the most empirically testable form of therapy:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exposure_therapy
Gassho,
Tom
Sat/Lah