This Ryaku Fusatsu really hit me - and I've been processing it since yesterday. I can be a little ceremony averse; I know it's odd after being here for so long, I still sometimes feel hot and cold about ceremony.
But that is my problem; I think part of me is afraid to lose who I am (yes I know it's an illusion I make up - but you know lose my sovereignty, lose myself to group think lol) - but I have to be honest with myself (non-self); there is something about these ceremonies that really fill my heart; I don't mean to sound corny, but it's like when we chant during zazenkai or do ango or whatever it is; I really enjoy the Zen path and this sangha here.
I know this has been said more eloquently, and it's nothing new, but I felt this: It's just like zazen; all of these practices we share here together - there is nothing to gain because you realize what you already have, and this is very special. When you drop that idea of gain and you just give yourself to this - then you really get the gain beyond the gain.
Perfect devotion to Buddha can sound really weird - but when we were chanting I realized this is perfect to devotion to all of us - and that's what Buddha is. It's all of us - when we really are here supporting each other, that is the perfect devotion to Buddha.
There's something about that Ryaku Fusatsu ceremony that is special - sitting with all of you - recommitting to the precepts. I mean as we went through it, I just thought how I really fail at all of them; not in a bad way - it's just impossible not to, but we just keep going despite that fact, just like with our Bodhisattva vows.
As Kokuu went through the background of the ceremony and the explanations of the verse of atonement, the bodhisattva vows, and the precepts, it just felt very special and really resonated with me, and I was glad to be a part of it.
I'm guessing this is why ceremonies are done - from one perspective, it can be a little esoteric, but when you drop that and just do it and listen and participate and chant with your whole being it's very special and makes me feel really connected to this sangha, the buddha ancestors and this path. Very, very good stuff.
You know, I don't care, I love my Rakusu. It really establishes the connection here, and I'm proud to practice this practice with you all.
Gassho
Risho
-stlah
P.S. -sorry not sorry about the excessive sentences