Hello everyone,
Apologies in advance for going over three sentences.
I just wanted to share a positive experience I had related to practice. I’ve had bouts of sleep paralysis ever since I was a teenager. Sometimes it starts with a nightmare, other times I simply wake up and find that I can’t move or make a sound. To make things worse, I also have an overpowering sense of terror or dread and I sense that I am in imminent danger. Occasionally this danger manifests itself in the shadows around me during the paralysis in which I feel there is “something” there that wishes me harm. Here’s a link with more information if anyone is curious about sleep paralysis:
https://www.livescience.com/50876-sleep-paralysis.html
Now, the way to break out of the paralysis is to, oddly enough, vocalize and speak. I have this idea, for no rational reason, that if I can just make a sound then I can escape from the paralysis. I am incredibly lucky to have a wonderful wife who will shake me into wakefulness when I start making such sounds.
Anyway, a couple weeks ago I had a nightmare that evolved into sleep paralysis. I could not move, I could not speak, and I felt that the shadows by the stairs harbored something malevolent. I began to panic, and I started to attempt to move my unresponsive limbs and vocalize. Then I did something that was completely unprompted, I began to count my breaths just like during Zazen. When sitting I often work to count to ten, and when I inevitably fail to do so I will inhale and say to myself “breathing in I come back to my breath”, and then I will exhale and say, “breathing out there is nowhere else to be”. I suddenly began to think this and count my breaths. Every time I would begin to panic, I would stop myself and return back to my breath. I gradually accepted the fact that I could not move, I accepted the fact that I was terribly afraid, and I accepted that the thing by the stairs, which I know does not exist, could do me no harm and there was no need to react. After focusing on my breaths, something happened which has never happened before, I fell back asleep.
I don’t know how often this would work during sleep paralysis. I would describe that particular episode of sleep paralysis as moderate, so I don’t how helpful it will be during episodes that are worse. But for me, the fact that this practice could have such a spontaneous and positive affect off the cushion is humbling.
I’m curious to see how this practice will impact other parts of my life.
Gassho,
Shade
ST
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Originally Posted by Jishin
It can be very hard to shake that feeling of total dread after waking. 
