Difficult times..

[Horin]

Hi sangha,
After 4 months of health issues that were making daily life hard and sometimes very painful, I ended that chapter hopefully but encounter now infections from the foregoing stuff. Also, I'm a little anxious that there will be a relapse. Anyway, I'm so glad I found this sangha, the teachings from jundo and the practice of Zen that gave me the power to keep going. I was (and sometimes still am) going from the side of despair to the trust in that which is beyond life and death, which let me sit and practice with this body until the end. Also I remind myself, that there are people (also here on treeleaf) that are in far more worse conditions and have illnesses for decades. You show me how to deal with such conditions and therefore my greatest respect to you... How unfair to complain about my issues!?
I'm not going to die (although we die each moment), or at least there's no obvious sign of it, still this time let me think and contemplate a lot of my own impermanence and I was reading a lot of Dogens Shoji and Zenki. I have to appreciate what it means to be sane, to be able to participate in life as good as possible, but also to learn how to life with issues and at least to recognize how hard life can be especially for people with serious sickness.
I try to accept life as it is, although I would like to change it.. But that's the practice we have to carry from the zafu into daily life, right? In hard times we can see where we stand with our practice. I was thinking I can handle every situation through practice but it's not the case, that's what I learned. I cannot overcome my fear, pain nor health issues... But Buddha, Dharma and Sangha help me to accept bit by bit to allow what life brings and (try to) not to take it too serious as long as I'm glad to be still "healthy" in some way.
Therfore I want to thank you all.

Deep bows to
Buddha
Dharma
and all of you.

(Sorry for so much text)
Horin

Stlah

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[aprapti]

bows, Horin..




aprapti

std

[Inshin]

Sat

[Tairin]

Be well Horin! Thank you for your practice.


Tairin
Sat today and lah

[Washin]

Washin
stlah

[Seikan]

Much metta to you Horin.

Gassho,
Rob

-stlah-

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[Shonin]

Metta to you, Horin.

Dave
SAT/LAH

[Shinshi]

Thank you for your post Horin. Much Metta.

Gassho,

Shinshi

SaT-LaH

[Meian]

Gassho2, Horin , metta.

meian st lh

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[Kyotai]

Hi Horin,

Thank you for your practice. We are fortunate to have you.

Gassho, Kyotai
ST

[Jundo]

... I was (and sometimes still am) going from the side of despair to the trust in that which is beyond life and death, which let me sit and practice with this body until the end. Also I remind myself, that there are people (also here on treeleaf) that are in far more worse conditions and have illnesses for decades. You show me how to deal with such conditions and therefore my greatest respect to you... How unfair to complain about my issues!?
I'm not going to die (although we die each moment), or at least there's no obvious sign of it, still this time let me think and contemplate a lot of my own impermanence and I was reading a lot of Dogens Shoji and Zenki. I have to appreciate what it means to be sane, to be able to participate in life as good as possible, but also to learn how to life with issues and at least to recognize how hard life can be especially for people with serious sickness.
I try to accept life as it is, although I would like to change it.. But that's the practice we have to carry from the zafu into daily life, right? In hard times we can see where we stand with our practice. I was thinking I can handle every situation through practice but it's not the case, that's what I learned. I cannot overcome my fear, pain nor health issues... But Buddha, Dharma and Sangha help me to accept bit by bit to allow what life brings and (try to) not to take it too serious as long as I'm glad to be still "healthy" in some way.
Therfore I want to thank you all.

Deep bows to
Buddha
Dharma
and all of you.

Sitting with you and Metta, may you continue to heal.

Gassho, J

STLah

[Suuko]

Metta to you brother.

Gassho,
Sat today,
Guish.

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[Onkai]

Metta, Horin. I hope you feel better.

Gassho,
Onkai
Sat/lah

[Onka]

I sit with you not for you my brother.
Gassho
Onka
ST

[Doshin]

Doshin
St

[Jakuden]

Thank you for your practice Horin, and much Metta.

Gassho,
Jakuden
SatToday

[Tomás ESP]

Sending you metta Horin

Gassho, Tomás
Sat&LaH

[Koutoku]

Gassho,
Judy
SAT

[Horin]

Thank you all for wishes and Metta.
Up to now, no therapy is working really well.
All I can do is trying to wait and trust in the work of the doctors. And sit zazen.

Yesterday I was reading somewhere a quote, I think by kosho uchiyama roshi.. My free translation into English is something like:

"This body is a bag of bones,
Our mind is walls and fences,
The phenomena are just like drunkards."

Although I feel resistance against the circumstances, I try to surrender to life and try what is possible for me. What else can I do? Certain things will come, if I want or not.

Gassho

Horin

Stlah



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[Geika]

Sitting with you, Horin.

Gassho
Sat, lah

[James J.]

Thank you for your post, Horin. Metta to you.
Gassho,
James
Sat today

[Heiso]

Sitting with you, as ever.

Gassho,

heiso.

StLah

[Nengei]

Gassho,
Nengei
Sat today. LAH.

[Horin]

Today, I made the mistake of using Google what caused many sorrows.

Most of the time I'm confident, yet here and there I'm not sure how everything will continue. For 4 weeks, I feel sick, at least, the fever is gone for now. When I feel too bad, ibuprofen helps from time to time. Antibiotics are obviously not working properly but I try to support the cure with 3 cloves of garlic a day (apologies to my wife, kids and colleagues), manuka honey and other stuff that might work against the infections that I brought from the hospital.

But at least my practice became more intense, so I manage to sit more zazen. Another side effect is that I'm reading many teachings (oh, I assume it's the fear of annihilation that drives me to practice more and to deal with the teachings - as if I will get satisfying answers.. Or as if there's any benefit.. ). Nonetheless it's a good thing to empty the mind and gain some energy to deepen the own practice on the way. Crisis are opportunities to learn, for sure.

BTW, a very inspiring teaching from Dogens Shobogenzo Zuimonki (Book 1-14):



"In an evening talk Dogen said,

Even people in the secular world must concentrate on one thing and learn it thoroughly enough to be able to do it in front of others rather than learn many things at the same time, without truly accomplishing any of them.

This holds all the more true for the buddha-dharma, which transcends the secular world, and has never been learned or practiced from the beginningless beginning. We are still unfamiliar with it. Also, our capacity is poor. If we try to learn many things about this lofty and boundless buddha-dharma, we will not attain even one thing. Even if we devote ourselves to only one thing, because of our inferior capacity and nature, it will be difficult to clarify buddha-dharma thoroughly in one lifetime. Students, concentrate on one thing.

Ejo asked, “If so, what thing or what practice should we choose to devote ourselves to among the various ways of practice of the buddha-dharma?”

Dogen replied, “It depends upon one’s character or capability, however, up to now, it is zazen which has been handed down and concentrated on in the communities of the patriarchs. This practice is suitable for all people and can be practiced by those of superior, mediocre, or inferior capabilities. When I was in China, in the assembly of my late master Tendo Nyojo, I sat zazen day and night after I heard this truth. When it was extremely hot or cold, monks there stopped sitting for a while because they were afraid of getting sick. At the time, I thought to myself, “I may become sick and die. Still, I should just practice zazen. What is the use of clinging to this body? How can I refrain from practice when I am not sick? Dying from illness because of practice accords with my original wish. First of all, I am fortunate to be able to practice and die in an assembly under a good teacher in great China, and to be buried by such great people with an authentic Buddhist funeral. If I were to die in Japan, it would be impossible to have a funeral service performed by such people according to the Buddhist rituals. If I were to die during practice before clarifying enlightenment, I would be born into the family of Buddha again because of having established the relationship. It is meaningless to live long without practicing. It is useless. Furthermore, even if I wished to keep my body secure and healthy, I might drown in the ocean or meet an accidental death; how regrettable it would be’!

With such resolve, I continually sat upright day and night. Yet I never once got sick. Now, each of you should practice exclusively and wholeheartedly. Ten out of ten of you will attain the Way. My late master Tendo encouraged us in this way.”

Just after Dogen met Tendo Nyojo, his Japanese teacher Myozen who came to China with him died in the infirmary of the monastery. Also the voyage between China and Japan was very hazardous. So there was no exaggeration in Dogen’s resolution."


Sorry for that much text


Gassho,
Horin

Stlah