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Thread: When our world turns upside down

  1. #1

    When our world turns upside down

    Dear Treeleaf friends,

    Apologies in advance that this will be longer than three sentences but I wanted to explain that I may be absent for a while - at least in terms of posting.

    A short while ago my dear husband of over thirty years had a routine scan. We were not expecting anything too earth shattering but terminal
    cancer showed up in his pancreas, liver and other places. He had no symptoms in those areas and therefor no warning. We have been told he only has a short time left to live.

    I can't put into words our sense of shock and disbelief - and very complicated for us as he is my carer and has been my mainstay of physical and emotional support for many, many years. Our roles have reversed overnight and my biggest fear is that I won't be able to do all that I want to do for him in terms of physical care over the coming months. Emotional care is no problem. We love each other deeply and are dealing with our grief well.

    It isn't my intention to share every detail of the journey we're now on here. To be honest that wouldn't be appropriate and it is enough that we are carried in people's hearts and metta. Covid is really complicating things in the UK so we haven't even been able to see family but we feel enveloped by love and support - albeit of a virtual kind.

    Regarding my practice I recognise I'm on an uncharted journey - not totally unfamiliar because I've lost loved ones in recent years. But the magnitude of this situation and this loss is different. Will my practice sustain me? I hold this question in fear, in doubt and with no certitude but I feel it might be so.

    Metta to all facing loss and grief,


    Jinyo

    Have not felt able to sit for a while but hope to be able to soon.

  2. #2
    EVERYTHING we do here is dedicated to your husband and you, Jinyo. May he and you find the center in this storm. You may not be here, but we are all with you always.
    ALL OF LIFE IS OUR TEMPLE

  3. #3
    Dear Jinyo

    That is so much to take on.

    I can offer little more than sitting with you through this, my dear friend.

    Gassho
    Kokuu
    -sattoday-

  4. #4
    Jinyo,

    I was very moved and saddened by your sharing. Words are difficult to find but both of you will be
    be present in my thoughts.

    Doshin

  5. #5
    hi Jinyo

    nothing to say..

    With Kokuu I can offer little more than sitting with you through this..



    aprapti

    std/lah

    hobo kore dojo / 歩歩是道場 / step, step, there is my place of practice

    Aprāpti (अप्राप्ति) non-attainment

  6. #6
    I'll keep you and your husband in my thoughts and will dedicate Tonglen to both of you and all those going through terminal cancer. Don't hesitate to reach out if things become to much. We are here, if only virtually.
    Gassho
    Sat

  7. #7
    Sitting with you, Jinyo.

    Gassho,
    Kotei sat/lah today.

    義道 冴庭 / Gidō Kotei.
    Being a novice priest doesn't mean my writing about the Dharma is more substantial than yours. Actually, it might well be the other way round.

  8. #8
    Dear Jinyo, I will hold you and your husband in my heart every day.

    Gassho
    Jakuden
    SatToday


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Jinyo View Post
    Dear Treeleaf friends,

    Apologies in advance that this will be longer than three sentences but I wanted to explain that I may be absent for a while - at least in terms of posting.

    A short while ago my dear husband of over thirty years had a routine scan. We were not expecting anything too earth shattering but terminal
    cancer showed up in his pancreas, liver and other places. He had no symptoms in those areas and therefor no warning. We have been told he only has a short time left to live.

    I can't put into words our sense of shock and disbelief - and very complicated for us as he is my carer and has been my mainstay of physical and emotional support for many, many years. Our roles have reversed overnight and my biggest fear is that I won't be able to do all that I want to do for him in terms of physical care over the coming months. Emotional care is no problem. We love each other deeply and are dealing with our grief well.

    It isn't my intention to share every detail of the journey we're now on here. To be honest that wouldn't be appropriate and it is enough that we are carried in people's hearts and metta. Covid is really complicating things in the UK so we haven't even been able to see family but we feel enveloped by love and support - albeit of a virtual kind.

    Regarding my practice I recognise I'm on an uncharted journey - not totally unfamiliar because I've lost loved ones in recent years. But the magnitude of this situation and this loss is different. Will my practice sustain me? I hold this question in fear, in doubt and with no certitude but I feel it might be so.

    Metta to all facing loss and grief,


    Jinyo

    Have not felt able to sit for a while but hope to be able to soon.
    Dear Jinyo, if only our deep affection could turn itself into a material way for us to share in your burden at this time! I wish you strength, clarity of mind and stillness of the heart so you can take on whatever comes your way!



    SatToday lah
    Bion
    -------------------------
    When you put Buddha’s activity into practice, only then are you a buddha. When you act like a fool, then you’re a fool. - Sawaki Roshi

  10. #10
    Siitting with you, Jinyo, and holding you both in my heart

    Gassho,
    Washin
    stlah
    Kaidō (皆道) Every Way
    Washin (和信) Harmony Trust
    ----
    I am a novice priest-in-training. Anything that I say must not be considered as teaching
    and should be taken with a 'grain of salt'.

  11. #11
    Holding you both close, Jinyo,

    Gassho,
    Jesse
    ST

  12. #12
    Jinyo,

    Will always be sitting with you and keeping you and your husband in my thoughts.

    Much Metta to both of you.

    Gassho,
    Rob

    -stlah-


    Sent from my Pixel 2 XL using Tapatalk
    聖簡 Seikan (Sacred Simplicity)

  13. #13
    Treeleaf Unsui Shugen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Redding California USA
    Jinyo,

    You all will be in my heart.

    With metta,
    Shugen
    Meido Shugen
    明道 修眼

  14. #14
    Jinyo,
    Much Metta to you and your husband, and to your circle of support.
    Gassho,
    Krista
    st

  15. #15
    Jinyo. I am sorry that you and your husband have to go through this. Particularly difficult with COVID19 taking away so much personal support from family and friends.

    Metta to you both.


    Tairin
    Sat today and lah

  16. #16
    There are no words.
    Holding you and your husband and all those facing loss and grief in my heart.

    Gassho
    Anne

    ~lahst~

  17. #17
    Member Hoseki's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Location
    St. John's Newfoundland, Canada.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jinyo View Post
    Dear Treeleaf friends,

    Apologies in advance that this will be longer than three sentences but I wanted to explain that I may be absent for a while - at least in terms of posting.

    A short while ago my dear husband of over thirty years had a routine scan. We were not expecting anything too earth shattering but terminal
    cancer showed up in his pancreas, liver and other places. He had no symptoms in those areas and therefor no warning. We have been told he only has a short time left to live.

    I can't put into words our sense of shock and disbelief - and very complicated for us as he is my carer and has been my mainstay of physical and emotional support for many, many years. Our roles have reversed overnight and my biggest fear is that I won't be able to do all that I want to do for him in terms of physical care over the coming months. Emotional care is no problem. We love each other deeply and are dealing with our grief well.

    It isn't my intention to share every detail of the journey we're now on here. To be honest that wouldn't be appropriate and it is enough that we are carried in people's hearts and metta. Covid is really complicating things in the UK so we haven't even been able to see family but we feel enveloped by love and support - albeit of a virtual kind.

    Regarding my practice I recognise I'm on an uncharted journey - not totally unfamiliar because I've lost loved ones in recent years. But the magnitude of this situation and this loss is different. Will my practice sustain me? I hold this question in fear, in doubt and with no certitude but I feel it might be so.

    Metta to all facing loss and grief,


    Jinyo

    Have not felt able to sit for a while but hope to be able to soon.
    Hi Jinyo,


    I'm so sorry to hear about this. I'm not sure if there is anything I can do for you being "across the pond" and all but if there is anything I can do please let me know. I will dedicate my next sitting and metta to you and your husband.

    Gassho
    Hoseki
    sattoday

  18. #18
    We are here with you and for you, always

    Gassho
    Kyōsen
    Sat|LAH
    橋川
    kyō (bridge) | sen (river)

  19. #19
    I am so sorry to hear the news. It must have been devastating, you are very brave to share with us.

    I will hold you and your husband in my heart. Much Metta to you both.

    Gassho,

    Shinshi

    Sat-LaH
    空道 心志 Kudo Shinshi
    I am just a priest-in-training, any resemblance between what I post and actual teachings is purely coincidental.
    E84I - JAJ

  20. #20
    I will dedicate this Rohatsu practice period to you both. We are sitting with you.

    Gassho
    Sat, lah
    求道芸化 Kyūdō Geika
    I am just a priest-in-training, please do not take anything I say as a teaching.

  21. #21


    Thank you all so much for your support.

  22. #22
    My dear Jinyo, this is just so much.
    Big, big love to you both, you are in my heart.
    Gassho
    Meitou
    Sattoday lah
    命 Mei - life
    島 Tou - island

  23. #23
    _()_

    Will sit for you both today.
    gassho
    shonin sat today and some lah
    Visiting unsui: use salt

  24. #24
    I'm so sorry to hear this. Much metta to you and your husband, Jinyo.

    Gassho

    Nenka

    ST

  25. #25
    Jinyo,
    I don't have any words it's so sad and tragically. All I can do is wishing you and your husband much strength and the ability to find peace in these circumstances. So sorry


    Gassho

    Horin


    Stlah

    Enviado desde mi BLA-L29 mediante Tapatalk

  26. #26
    I will dedicate my practice and sitting to you and your husband Jinyo
    gassho
    Hosei
    sattoday
    Mountains are waters and waters are mountains ............

  27. #27
    Jinyo,
    I'm hoping you find the strength and peace during this difficult time.

    Gassho
    ST-lah
    Shoki

  28. #28
    Kyotai
    Guest
    Thinking of you and your husband Jinyo.

    Gassho, Kyotai

  29. #29
    I'm so sorry to hear this, Jinyo. I'll hold you both in my thoughts and sit with you.

    Much metta and love.

    Gassho,

    heiso.

    StLah

    Sent from my RMX2001 using Tapatalk

  30. #30
    Quote Originally Posted by Doshin View Post
    Jinyo,

    I was very moved and saddened by your sharing. Words are difficult to find but both of you will be
    be present in my thoughts.

    Doshin
    I can’t do anything but echo this

    Gassho,
    Tom

    Sat

  31. #31

  32. #32
    Sending you much love both to you and your husband

    Gassho, Tomás
    Sat&LaH

  33. #33
    Metta to you and your loved ones Jinyo, I'm sure I speak for everyone here when I say that the Sangha is here for you. You and your family will be in my metta session going forward.

    Gassho,

    Josh
    SatToday

  34. #34
    Member Onka's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Location
    Rural Queensland, so-called Australia
    It's weird when carer/cared for roles are reversed. You've had a particularly rubbish year Jinyo, may the news of a Covid vaccine rollout in the UK mean you and your husband can be physically surrounded by loved ones in the time he has left.
    Gassho
    Onka
    Sat
    穏 On (Calm)
    火 Ka (Fires)
    They/She.

  35. #35
    Dear friends - just a brief update - will try to keep to three sentences.

    After being plunged into terminal diagnosis and wheels set in motion for end of life care our world has turned upside down again - this time in a more positive direction.
    The diagnosis was issued before final lab biopsy results and turns out my husband has a rare presentation of non-hodgkins lymphoma that always looks like a carcinoma
    on scans. This means there is some hope from treatment and although this will be challenging for him given his age he has been given a 50% chance of remission. We have
    eight months of uncertainty now but it feels very different to 12 weeks left to live.

    Your continuing kind thoughts and metta is much appreciated,

    Gassho

    Jinyo

    sat today in gratitude for our practice

  36. #36
    Quote Originally Posted by Jinyo View Post
    Dear friends - just a brief update - will try to keep to three sentences.

    After being plunged into terminal diagnosis and wheels set in motion for end of life care our world has turned upside down again - this time in a more positive direction.
    The diagnosis was issued before final lab biopsy results and turns out my husband has a rare presentation of non-hodgkins lymphoma that always looks like a carcinoma
    on scans. This means there is some hope from treatment and although this will be challenging for him given his age he has been given a 50% chance of remission. We have
    eight months of uncertainty now but it feels very different to 12 weeks left to live.

    Your continuing kind thoughts and metta is much appreciated,

    Gassho

    Jinyo

    sat today in gratitude for our practice
    Thank you for sharing such wonderful news! I dedicated few Tonglen and Dharani for you. I know that Jundo is bit sceptical about Dharani, but that particular one gives me shivers when I listen to it. Maybe it's the monk's chanting talent.
    After all the intention is more important than the meaning of words. I wish you to find timelessness in each day you have left with your husband. Take care.

    Gassho
    Sat
    Last edited by Inshin; 12-21-2020 at 10:07 AM.

  37. #37
    Quote Originally Posted by Jinyo View Post
    Dear friends - just a brief update - will try to keep to three sentences.

    After being plunged into terminal diagnosis and wheels set in motion for end of life care our world has turned upside down again - this time in a more positive direction.
    The diagnosis was issued before final lab biopsy results and turns out my husband has a rare presentation of non-hodgkins lymphoma that always looks like a carcinoma
    on scans. This means there is some hope from treatment and although this will be challenging for him given his age he has been given a 50% chance of remission. We have
    eight months of uncertainty now but it feels very different to 12 weeks left to live.

    Your continuing kind thoughts and metta is much appreciated,

    Gassho

    Jinyo

    sat today in gratitude for our practice
    That is one beautiful turn of events! I couldn’t be happier for you both!!

    SatToday


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    Bion
    -------------------------
    When you put Buddha’s activity into practice, only then are you a buddha. When you act like a fool, then you’re a fool. - Sawaki Roshi

  38. #38
    Despite the uncertainty, I am very pleased to hear this Jinyo. Wishing you the best

    Gassho, Tomás
    Sat&LaH

  39. #39
    Thank you for the update. Considering the circumstances 8 months of uncertainty sounds like great news.

    Metta for you and your husband.


    Tairin
    Sat today and lah
    泰林 - Tai Rin - Peaceful Woods

  40. #40
    All the best to you and your husband Jinyo.

    Gassho,

    Kirk

    sat
    流文

    I know nothing.

  41. #41
    Keeping you both in my thoughts and sending Metta.
    Thanks for letting us know, Jinyo.
    Gassho,
    Kotei sat/lah today.

    義道 冴庭 / Gidō Kotei.
    Being a novice priest doesn't mean my writing about the Dharma is more substantial than yours. Actually, it might well be the other way round.

  42. #42
    These are great news, I wish you all the best and keep thinking of you as I did the last weeks often

    Gassho

    Horin

    Stlah

    Enviado desde mi BLA-L29 mediante Tapatalk

  43. #43
    Jinyo,



    The best for both of you.

    Doshin
    St

  44. #44
    Jinyo,

    That is a very bright ray of hope for sure. Much metta to you and your husband.



    Gassho,
    Rob

    -stlah-


    Sent from my Pixel 4a (5G) using Tapatalk
    聖簡 Seikan (Sacred Simplicity)

  45. #45
    Day by day.
    ALL OF LIFE IS OUR TEMPLE

  46. #46
    I can imagine it does feel very different! Here’s hoping for a long and complete remission for your husband, I will sit for you both and send Metta today!

    Gassho
    Jakuden
    SatToday


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

  47. #47
    While still a difficult situation, I hope this news eases your mind a little. Sitting for you both.


    Gassho
    ST-lah
    Shoki

  48. #48
    Hoping for all the best for your your husband and you.
    Gassho,
    Krista
    st

  49. #49
    Thank you for the update! Glad the news is trending in a better direction. Much Metta to you both.

    Gassho,

    Shinshi

    Sat-LaH
    空道 心志 Kudo Shinshi
    I am just a priest-in-training, any resemblance between what I post and actual teachings is purely coincidental.
    E84I - JAJ

  50. #50
    Member Onka's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Location
    Rural Queensland, so-called Australia
    Dear Jinyo
    My Dad had non-hodgkins lymphoma. They initially gave him less than 2 years but he got another 7 years. And it wasn't the cancer that killed him but the effects of the treatment on his organs that killed him. Congratulations on the more positive of rubbish diagnosis.
    Gassho
    Onka
    ST
    穏 On (Calm)
    火 Ka (Fires)
    They/She.

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