One of the great "rules of thumb" of how Zen Practice is impacting our life is when the "Dharma hits the fan" (** maybe I just did what I asked Bayamo not to do. ), when we are faced with some life disaster, the forest fire that one of our Treeleaf priests faced this week in which she just grabbed the animals and left the house for a time, the cancer diagnosis I had a couple of years ago, the small stuff life traffic jams and unfair situations at work, someone cuts in line in front of us, the political situation in the world seems so ugly, etc. etc. We just don't react the same as before.
I have told the following story 100 times, so it is okay for the old folks to jump ahead:
... It is about two flat tires I had years apart, both on rainy days when I was late for an appointment, wearing a nice suit. In the first case, I had only been practicing Zen and Zazen a short time. POP! went the tire, down came the rain, I was soaked and late … and just miserable about it. I hated the tire, I hated the rain, I hated missing my appointment, I hated the busy street and my soaking wet suit. I changed the tire, but I hated myself. I think that I actually kicked the flat tire, stubbing my toe and making myself even more miserable.
Some years later, almost the same scene: POP! went the tire, down came the rain, I was soaked and late … However, this time, the tire was the tire, and the rain fell like rain. I noticed that the drops were beautiful. I was soaked, but it was a cause to laugh. I was late, but time did not seem so important, and I even sensed a certain timelessness reminding me not to rush through life. The busy street was the one place to be in that moment. I changed the tire, I was content with myself. I remember quite clearly offering a bow of gratitude to the flat tire and the rain.
In both cases, I was just as soaking wet, just as late. In both cases, I changed the tire and got on my way. In both cases, I missed my appointment, and was not able to reschedule.
But in one case, it was terrible. And in one case, it was fine, even nice. Beautiful in fact.
So, I hope you find your switch and learn to use it.