Good morning comrades.
I've read of people having rather intense experiences while sitting zazen - some AHA! moment or beautiful moment that can keep them chasing it again.
This morning I had a pretty intense experience while sitting that I'd like to share.
Unfortunately it wasn't rainbows and unicorns which is ok with me as enlightenment or awesome experiences is not what motivated me to start this practice in the beginning, rather something more mundane - to sit WITH pain rather than try to escape it.
Anyway, this morning while sitting I had almost like a camera roll of bad things I'd done over a period of around 20 years as a full-time bouncer go round and round.
For the most part I have reconciled, explained away or excused a bunch of stuff, and in all fairness I've taken ownership of a bunch of stuff too but today aaaaalllllll the dirty laundry was aired.
I kept sitting but noticed an uneasy feeling in my stomach and a tensioning in my muscles. I kept sitting.
Knowing that I'm pretty far from perfect wasn't an excuse. Reciting the Verse of Atonement was less an act of contrition but a reaffirming of the path I've chosen. It didn't ease the physical manifestation of guilt or allow me to thumb my nose at my own history but I did feel a sense of purpose and reminded me that the Buddha Dharma is rather special gift to the world.
I hope I do it justice one day.
Thank you all for your practice.
Gassho
Onka
Sat today
Sent from my Lenovo TB-8304F1 using Tapatalk
Reply With Quote
