Hi Anna,
I'm another one, and I've written recently about my experience elsewhere here. My being overwhelmed tends to go into shutdown mode where I isolate and go silent for a bit, followed by brief periods of light social interaction. I try to self-regulate but in times of high stress I can really go deep into my shell for a while.
I also have a daily practice, but intense anxiety about attending an in-person sangha again. I am unable to sit still, stay quiet or not fidget. My face does what it wants to, and health problems make it more interesting. With Treeleaf none of that matters. I can sit and be with and bother no one. All the labels and differences drop, and we're all just human beings sitting.
The side effect is I find myself impulsively bowing to most people I meet and work with. Most appreciate this sign of respect, but my family often says, "oh, mom's bowing again...." but they never stop me.
Feel free to msg me if you want to talk about things. Sometimes I may take a while to answer, but eventually I respond. It's not easy but I have found zazen to be good for a lot of what I deal with. And TreeLeaf has been the best place for me, even when I am silent -- I fit here.
Thank you for posting, Anna. We need all voices.
Gassho
Kim
St lh
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