Hi
I am going to repost here my comments on another thread in response to the question of sitting Shikantaza when someone might feel that they are not getting all the peace and good feelings that they hoped from Shikantaza Zazen, or might feel that Zazen sometimes makes them feel even worse within than before they sat.
It is an important topic.
Summary, in a nutshell:
Most people do find great benefit from this practice. While we say that "nothing is sought" from Shikantaza, that radical attitude of "non-seeking" and "goallessness" actually leads counter-intuitively to great transformation within, as it brings rest and stillness to our always goal driven and seeking, hungry and unsatisfied self. We sit without need to feel "better" and instead sit with an equanimity which transcends life's "better vs. worse," the medicine for our human condition of always feeling that something is wrong, something is missing, something needs to be fixed in life. We sit satisfied just to sit, the answer to our always desiring something else and more more more.
Counter-intuitively, that dropping of need to "feel better," and acceptance (even "gratitude") for sometimes feeling bad or "worse," leaves us with a peace and flowing that somehow makes us feel "better" even about sometimes feeling "worse!" It allows the problems of life to sometimes just be the problems of life, finding (more counter-intuition) a certain Joy and Beauty in letting the problems just be so, like a Light which shines through the dark and stormy clouds. The problems thus remain in our life but, somehow, the lack of resistance makes them simultaneously not a "problem." We even accept and feel equanimity, on a subtle level, that sometimes we human beings feel not very accepting or equanimious all the time! (I.e., an acceptance and equanimity even about being human and not feeling accepting and equanimious about all that life dishes out, a non-resistance even in and while we may resist certain unpleasantness in life. Resistance-non-resistance. Equanimity-without-equanimity.)
That is why we try to sit each day, "good" day or "bad" day, through better or worse, sickness and health, richer/poorer, ups and downs ... knowing the still and quiet center at the heart of good/bad, better/worse, sickness/health, up/down, gain/loss ... even birth and death, you and me.
What is more, one may eventually find that Shikantaza does something to our life even when we do not notice at first, a certain Peace and Wisdom that shows up at times in life even when we originally thought it was not there (Shoka discusses this in her wonderful comment quoted below).
Shikantaza is a strange animal, even among meditation practices. That is its magic.
I want to emphasize again, at the outset, that the following refers to feeling mildly "worse" psychologically about the world, life in general or one's personal condition. If someone is suffering from depression or any physical or mental condition where they find that Zazen is causing them to feel notably worse, they should stop Zazen, either until the situation passes if temporary or permanently if recurring, and consult with their doctor. Although, in my experience, such situations are rare given the mild nature of Shikantaza Zazen compared to more intense or concentrated forms of meditation, they may happen. The stillness might disturb some people. If there is any question of the effects of Zazen on oneself, either physically or psychologically, consult with your doctor and follow his or her instructions.
Anyway, that is the story in a nutshell. If you want to read the long version, I reprint it here:
Gassho, Jundo
STLah
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In Shikantaza, we sit as what is. Sick or not sick, pain or no pain, resistance or no resistance ... one sits, for a few minutes, as what is, letting what is be what is.
Period.
Let the pain be the pain, the sickness be the sickness, and (strange as it sounds) let even the mental resistance to pain and sickness which may be present just be the mental resistance. (On this latter, do not resist the fact that one is resisting and feeling miserable. It is an acceptance so accepting and overriding that it accepts even that). Accept and, if one must also endure, then radically accept the need to endure. Have such equanimity, that one has equanimity about often not having equanimity many times ... equanimity and no equanimity at once.
There is no room for negotiation on this, not an inch for adjustment on the mental side of things (one can recline or the like if one needs for the body, but not for the mind).
For the few minutes one sits (or reclines if physically needed) ... be it one minute or five minutes or fifteen minutes or however long ... there is nothing else that need be done but sitting/reclining, nothing to change, nothing to achieve.
Sorry, that is just how we sit Shikantaza, allowing all to be (even the shit), not one thing to add or take away. Please sit for one minute or two or ten letting the f--k--g pain be the f--k--g pain (pardon my language).
If you cannot sit in that way for even one minute or five minutes then one has not mastered the mind-over-matter aspect of Shikantaza. (I am actually inspired by my late grandmother on this, not a Zenny but a Christian Scientist, who talked herself out of a wheelchair when doctors said she should not be able to walk due to advanced arthritic knees that could not then be treated. She spent much of the day in bed or the wheelchair, but other times walked and walked and walked with a stiff grimace).
Now, that being said ... after the 1 or 10 minutes, get up and do whatever you want and need to do: Scream, yell, ice bags, Jesus, Tonglen, complain, surgery, take your prescription, breathe, use a mantra, just feel like crap and scream some more.
But for 1 to 10 minutes, just accept, allow, be with the crap, the frustration, the loss, the fear. Perhaps maybe a Light will come to shine through the crap, frustration, loss and fear if you do.
Please take a few minutes a day simply for radical, total, thorough acceptance in which sitting for a minute with pain is a Buddha sitting for a minute with pain. If the pain floods in, let it flood in and go with that flow. If it makes you feel "worse," let it make you feel "worse" and allow even that, flow with even that ... just feel worse. If it makes you feel "better" ... just feel better. We are sitting beyond better or worse. Sitting can have no better or worse, and so there is no room to care how you are feeling from it.
Anyone who does not understand this truly does not understand Shikantaza, and is not practicing Shikantaza.
Just give it a minute or 10 each day. What can it hurt?
Gassho, J
STLAH
PS - After my cancer surgery last year, for days, I could not stand sit or recline, I felt like a horse kicked me in the chest, I wanted to vomit, I wanted to make it to the bathroom, I wanted to cry, I could not do anything but crawl into a fetal position, my groin felt like I had been kicked there too. For a few minutes, now and then I found how to be a fetal position, horse kicked, crying Buddha ... a light shone ... it was okay ...
... then it was not again ... then repeat, repeat, repeat ...
It was terrible, it was wonderful.
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A little more on practicing with pain, or when Zazen seems to make things worse. Why am I so insistent that folks here sit Shikantaza, even for a few minutes, even so?
There are several good reasons.
First, Shikantaza Zazen has the power to transform life's crap. Although we say that we sit with "no goals," Zazen would be pointless if it were not truly transformative. The "goallessness" is actually a key to transformation.
Perhaps Zazen cannot remove a problem situation, such as a physical pain (there are kinds of meditation which may help with that more than Shikantaza, as well as whatever else your doctor prescribes, or which you discover for yourself in your own life). However, Zazen does remove suffering (Dukkha), or at least, transforms the same. Dukkha is not the same as the pain or other circumstance, but may better be described as our mental reaction to it which arises when we wish it were not so. We want X, life hands us Y, the gap in desires and resistance is the source of "Dukkha."
It cannot remove circumstances such as, in this case, pain. Zazen cannot change an external circumstance, only the core of our inner reaction to the circumstance. Further, if there is mental resistance to pain, it may not remove that, but it will remove or transform our Dukkha about feeling some resistance. The special power of Shikantaza is in the radical allowing, acceptance, and even gratitude for all the crap and problems ... which allows the Light to shine through. Suddenly, even pain and other problems are Big Overriding Okay, even though not okay at all - not one bit! Problems yet not problems. Resistance yet somehow no resistance too. Things may feel "worse" for a time, or "better" for a time .... but one may also realize a certain quiet place at the center of "better or worse."No one English word captures the full depth and range of the Pali term, Dukkha. It is sometimes rendered as “suffering,” as in “life is suffering.” But perhaps it’s better expressed as “dissatisfaction,” “anxiety,” “disappointment,” “unease at perfection,” or “frustration” — terms that wonderfully convey a subtlety of meaning.
In a nutshell, your “self” wishes this world to be X, yet this world is not X. The mental state that may result to the “self” from this disparity is Dukkha.
.
Shakyamuni Buddha gave many examples: sickness (when we do not wish to be sick), old age (when we long for youth), death (if we cling to life), loss of a loved one (as we cannot let go), violated expectations, the failure of happy moments to last (though we wish them to last). Even joyous moments — such as happiness and good news, treasure or pleasant times — can be a source of suffering if we cling to them, if we are attached to those things. ...
Our Practice closes the gap [of X and Y]; not the least separation.
https://www.treeleaf.org/forums/show...y-Dooby-Dukkha
and
https://www.treeleaf.org/forums/show...7-Noble-Truths
That is why I ask people to come here and really really compel themselves to sit Shikantaza, even for a few minutes if that is all that they can manage, before spending the rest of their time on other methods to reduce the pain. A few minutes (we recommend a minimum of 15, but if someone has a medical reason not to be able to do so, even 1 minute or 5 minutes) of pure radical allowing, acceptance, even gratitude, with nothing more to add or remove or attain apart from the act of sitting (or reclining) itself. I must insist that it is the rare medical condition that would prevent even 1 to 5 or 15 minutes, and it is possible even if somebody looks like this.
After that, pray to Jesus or Amida, take a pill, do Yoga, scream and hit a pillow, put on ice, do a Mantra or deep breathing, massage ... whatever it takes.
By the way, although there is no "goal" or "payoff" to Zazen, it is not merely sitting like a bump in a log, wallowing or merely twiddling one's thumbs killing time. We sit with the energy and conviction that "this is the one place to be, the one thing to do" right now.
Although there is no "goal" or "payoff," strange as it sounds, that lack of seeking a goal or payoff typically results in many payoffs! Some folks above in this thread listed some, such as [with my notes] ...
All good, all benefits of this crazy way of radically not needing any benefits.I sit to free myself from suffering [Jundo: radical allowing, acceptance, even gratitude will tend to do that, as mentioned, although the crap is still the crap]
Frequently I sit to let go of attachments
There’s this feeling of freedom and compassion while sitting
Better person, more compassionate and understanding to help others
My happy [Jundo: I would say "content" cause can't always be "happy"] place
Reduce anxiety
It's, by now, a habit. I don't really have a reason anymore.
to just sit, sometimes to escape [Jundo: Sometimes to escape is fine, but the real "escape" is not to need mentally to escape and just be "what is"]
To be spiritual
To be able to be “authentically” zen, buddhist [Jundo: That is fine, but your "True Face" is always as "authentic" as can be from the start]
Having a practice gives my life purpose and meaning
It grounds me emotionally and intellectually
Thoughts settle in zazen
HOWEVER, what if someone feels even "worse" from Zazen or does not feel that they are getting any or all those payoffs? (I am not speaking of someone who feels physically distressed to the point of possible harm, or pushed into an extreme psychological state such as panic or deep depression. Although such cases are rare in mild Shikantaza in my experience, such persons should break off Zazen immediately, perhaps just until the episode passes or, if recurrent, then permanently and consult their doctor. Because Shikantaza is a mild and gentle way of sitting, such episodes should be rare compared to more intense forms of meditation, but they can happen. No, I am talking about manageable, non-extreme, feeling a little bad). What if, as Jika described, someone is still not feeling any benefits ... and maybe sometimes worse ... from sitting Zazen?
Then, keep sitting until, hopefully, the Light does shine sometimes.
In a separate back and forth we had on this, Shoka hit the nail on the head, and I quote her with her permission]
I so much agree. Of course, hopefully, the Light will shine through and the road will become passable with time.Originally Posted by Shoka
Shingen also commented that everyone is different, and all our sittings are different. It may feel "worse" when we make the mistake of comparing "what we are doing with either something else or what we think it should be doing."
That is wise too. As strange as it sounds, in this Shikantaza Practice, radically allow our "worse" or otherwise disappointing Zazen sittings to also be just what they are, a shining jewel in their "worse" or disappointment. There is a Light which may sometimes shine through "better vs. worse" and all our demands and expectations.
If at a certain point, Zazen is really really really not working for someone, then, well, there may be a time to stop for good and search for something new. I don't know the answer to that question, or when that is.
But here, at Treeleaf, primarily what we offer is Shikantaza, and all comes after that. So, please sit Shikantaza for some minutes each day, come hell or high water.
Gassho, J
STLah
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