I'm only now finding out what it means to have stings severed as an aging man, certainly not my wife, but another, one who is in constant pain. I feel loss and regret, and I do not feel fear and anger. When was it that fear and anger stalked me? I was a small boy, then as an adult about twenty years ago I lost my mom to cancer, and over about six years, I watched her die. I went numb, and all my emotions stuffed inside, Then about 7 years ago, I began working wit a special therapist, and he was a man. I am a man too, of course. We went thorough interesting times looking over my wife's mother passing, and this brought up all those stuffed feelings. One night I closed the door to our bedroom, curled up around a pillow, and began to cry, I cried, and I moaned, "My poor mother, oh my poor mother." Over and over the chant and moans and tears. I cried for more than an hour! I soaked the pillow through with tears. Now when I think of this time, and all those missed "I love yous" I cry. And, the tears are nothing like that time in our bedroom. My wife knew nothing about this for more than five years. But, now Know it's alright to cry when someone dies, or with separation, or with intense pain; pain comes in many forms, and it's alright to cry when I'm in pain. And, separation is part of living, for nothing lasts forever, not even me. It's even alright to cry over me when I hurt in any way, so soak your pillow, go to sleep, and rise the next day to a different world. Make that world different. Let yourself make your own way, a way your own. Maybe forget some of the pain.
Tai Shi
st, lah
Gassho
limited to positive 優婆塞 台 婆
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Originally Posted by Tai Shi
