Hello Neo,
I can relate to your experience a bit, only I do not have to try to experience things - they insist on being dealt with through recurring periods of depression and anxiety. I find experiencing these feelings to be intolerable after a while, but I am able to (sometimes) just sit with them without attaching to them, as Joyo said. Also, if the feelings take over and i start feeling worse - sometimes i stop physically sitting and do something involving flowing water. Experience of water for me helps me in many ways, i have a strong connection with water.
Also, as someone who is intimately familiar with depression, anxiety - and PTSD - I do agree with Shingen and Rich. Over time, it gets better. Sometimes maybe your zazen will be 3 minutes, or even 1 minute - but it's something. A minute here, a minute there, or maybe 15-20 minutes occasionally. Find what works for you. Echoing the advice given, just sit, observe what comes up, don't attach, don't try to ignore, just acknowledge it and let it go.
Disclaimer that I am no expert in any of this - I am a zazen baby
I'm just sharing what works for me, and what resonates for me from advice already given. And my apologies for any comments I did not read (sometimes i don't see all of them).
Sending metta for you and will sit with you in spirit.
Gassho,
Kim
Sat today
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