Zazen and unconscious/suppressed feelings

[Neo]

hi,

Zazen is about finding the truth, but can it also be used to reintegrate deep suppressed emotions from childhood, that are unconscious or blocked. I know I have great parts of my self that's "not allowed" at the moment and every try of reintegration is faced with severe pain and I can't let it in.

Does anyone have experiences or knowledge about this topic?

I mean, if I cant even be conscious of my whole 'self', I think it's a good place to start.. what do you think?

thanks!

[Rich]

I think as your practice deepens and the more aware and accepting you become, repressed feelings and emotions come up when they choose, which presents an opportunity to be with them, face and accept them.

SAT today

[Jishin]

Hi Neo,

What part of you is not present at the moment?

Gasho, Jishin, _/st\_

[Neo]

Hi Neo,

What part of you is not present at the moment?

Gasho, Jishin, _/st\_

Hi!

I think there are sadness/anger that's shamed, part of my self I cant reconnect with. I always carry around this big block of unidentified feelings, and lately I've been trying to force my self back into this, results in severe pain, body is shaking and I want to scream and I get all sweaty - and still I know I cant even reach like 5% of the big mess that's in there.

I wonder somehow if Zazen might help me get in touch with this, I've been depressed and problems with neurosis all my life kinda. I think it's time I do something.

[Neo]

this comes up when I do zazen also, always this feeling of that there's "lots of shit" of my self I cannot access.

[Jishin]

Whenever I want to find anger I find plenty of it. If I want to find depression I find lots of it. All I have to do is look.

Why would you want to find these things?

Gasho, Jishin, _/st\_

[Myosha]

Hi!

I think there are sadness/anger that's shamed, part of my self I cant reconnect with. I always carry around this big block of unidentified feelings, and lately I've been trying to force my self back into this, results in severe pain, body is shaking and I want to scream and I get all sweaty - and still I know I cant even reach like 5% of the big mess that's in there.

I wonder somehow if Zazen might help me get in touch with this, I've been depressed and problems with neurosis all my life kinda. I think it's time I do something.

Hello,

Zazen is worthless. It's nothing about "you".

Throw it all away.

Just sit.


Gassho
Myosha sat today

[Joyo]

Hi Neo, I've dealt with some ptsd issues and zazen was a help to me. These memories creep into your mind, it makes your skin start to crawl, you want to scream, and you can feel yourself in that panic mode again. However, in the practice of just sitting you simply let those clouds (thoughts/memories) roll on by. You don't have to push them or force them away, just quietly remind yourself that you are in this moment, and focus on your breathing for a bit---in breath, out breath. Slowly you start to realize that you are here, right now, in this moment, and those memories are where they should be, in the past.

I'm not a trained professional, or anybody with special Zen credentials so please take what I say with a grain of salt. Just sharing my experience with you, and hopefully it can help in some way.

Gassho,
Joyo
sat today

[Joyo]

Whenever I want to find anger I find plenty of it. If I want to find depression I find lots of it. All I have to do is look.

Why would you want to find these things?

Gasho, Jishin, _/st\_

Exactly!

Gassho,
Joyo
sat today

[Mp]

I think as your practice deepens and the more aware and accepting you become, repressed feelings and emotions come up when they choose, which presents an opportunity to be with them, face and accept them.

SAT today

Yes, I too feel this is what happens ... the truth is always there, zazen allows us to see it. When we see it, acknowledge it, let it fall away, and come back to this very moment. =)

Gassho
Shingen

s@today

[Jundo]

I just approve the advice given by the wise folks above.

Gassho, J

SatToday

PS - Neo, would you mind as a long time member to include a human face photo and sign with a human or Dharma name? It helps us stay human around here. If confidentiality is an issue, a discreet photo and first name is fine. Thank you.

[Meian]

Hello Neo,

I can relate to your experience a bit, only I do not have to try to experience things - they insist on being dealt with through recurring periods of depression and anxiety. I find experiencing these feelings to be intolerable after a while, but I am able to (sometimes) just sit with them without attaching to them, as Joyo said. Also, if the feelings take over and i start feeling worse - sometimes i stop physically sitting and do something involving flowing water. Experience of water for me helps me in many ways, i have a strong connection with water.

Also, as someone who is intimately familiar with depression, anxiety - and PTSD - I do agree with Shingen and Rich. Over time, it gets better. Sometimes maybe your zazen will be 3 minutes, or even 1 minute - but it's something. A minute here, a minute there, or maybe 15-20 minutes occasionally. Find what works for you. Echoing the advice given, just sit, observe what comes up, don't attach, don't try to ignore, just acknowledge it and let it go.

Disclaimer that I am no expert in any of this - I am a zazen baby I'm just sharing what works for me, and what resonates for me from advice already given. And my apologies for any comments I did not read (sometimes i don't see all of them).

Sending metta for you and will sit with you in spirit.

Gassho,
Kim
Sat today

Sent from my SM-G900P using Tapatalk

[Rich]

Hello Neo,

I can relate to your experience a bit, only I do not have to try to experience things - they insist on being dealt with through recurring periods of depression and anxiety. I find experiencing these feelings to be intolerable after a while, but I am able to (sometimes) just sit with them without attaching to them, as Joyo said. Also, if the feelings take over and i start feeling worse - sometimes i stop physically sitting and do something involving flowing water. Experience of water for me helps me in many ways, i have a strong connection with water.

Also, as someone who is intimately familiar with depression, anxiety - and PTSD - I do agree with Shingen and Rich. Over time, it gets better. Sometimes maybe your zazen will be 3 minutes, or even 1 minute - but it's something. A minute here, a minute there, or maybe 15-20 minutes occasionally. Find what works for you. Echoing the advice given, just sit, observe what comes up, don't attach, don't try to ignore, just acknowledge it and let it go.

Disclaimer that I am no expert in any of this - I am a zazen baby I'm just sharing what works for me, and what resonates for me from advice already given. And my apologies for any comments I did not read (sometimes i don't see all of them).

Sending metta for you and will sit with you in spirit.

Gassho,
Kim
Sat today

Sent from my SM-G900P using Tapatalk

Thanks Kim, your experience speaks well. And I love your affinity to flowing water. We need to jump in the river and flow to the ocean. These rivers are also in us and w we need to get them flowing to the ocean within us.
Thanks
One more thought, being with and accepting the negative painful stuff dissolves it, being with joy and love and compassion gives them space to grow. Very interesting and magical how that works.

SAT today

[Eishuu]

I'm very new to Zazen, but I have noticed a rhythm to my practice where I will feel really stuck and tense in my body and have a lot of aversion to sitting and then one day lots of emotions come flooding out. When I started meditating seriously about 15 years ago I had loads of repressed stuff coming up and really struggled so I saw a therapist, which was very helpful. Like you I felt I had large amounts of my self which were 'out of bounds' at the time.

Now I'd say that stuff comes up naturally and I don't try to force it. I think of it like a flower opening only when the right conditions are there - sun and water, etc (stuff like that - I'm no botanist!). And similarly maybe the body lets go of painful feelings when the time is right and there are the right conditions - acceptance, awareness, lack of judgement and kindness and maybe even other factors like enough support in your life. I don't know but that's how I think of it. I believe that Zazen is part of these conditions or at least that's how I have experienced it so far.

So I guess what I'm saying is be gentle with yourself and don't try to force anything or feel you 'should' be able to feel things...maybe your body isn't ready...maybe it is. It'll have it's own process as you practice. And if you need some help, therapy can be great for some people.

This is purely just from my personal experience...I don't know if this is a particlarly Zen approach or not.

Gassho
Lucy
sat today