I am so sorry Joyo. Rest and get better soon.
Gassho, Jishin, #SatToday
I am so sorry Joyo. Rest and get better soon.
Gassho, Jishin, #SatToday
Last edited by Jishin; 03-14-2015 at 06:18 PM.
Take care Joyo - parenting can be really hard at times. Please be kind to yourself.
(Haven't sat today yet - been visiting my mum in the old folks home. First things first )
Gassho
Willow
Take care Joyo, get some rest, and know you will make it through this. =)
Gassho
Shingen
Sattoday
From one parent to another ...
Gassho, J
SatToday
ALL OF LIFE IS OUR TEMPLE
Still waiting for my book to arrive via ebay
Gassho, Kyotai
Sat today
I sometimes think that dealing with death and sickness if probably easier than parenting for some reason. They can be thought about in the context of impermanence and how everything is in constant change. Parenting is a tough nut to crack.
Joyo, my wife bought this book some years ago and found it very useful http://www.amazon.com/Buddhism-Mothe.../dp/1742373771
However, I suspect that all the answers may be in this wonderful, wonderful book that we are reading here at Treeleaf.
Gassho, David
sattoday
Thank you, Joyo, for sharing. I hear you - our two daughters often leave my wife and I feeling completely drained and aggravated. I can't think of anything insightful to say...just wanted to commiserate
With regard to attachment, I am waiting to be tested. By that I mean, I have never suffered a devastating loss. Part of that may be that I'm the kind of person who doesn't get close to many people. I hold only a few people very dearly, so I fear that when the inevitable happens, I will be unable to cope let alone accept. Material things--I really do feel that I hold them lightly, that I have no attachment to them--easy come, easy go. But people....we'll see.
i think we need people like Shitou to remind us that we need little to live. But it seems to me that, for us lay people, it's important to remember Jundo's warning not to become a pratyekabuddha, not to run off and hide in a hut in the forest. If our purpose, as Connelly says, is to alleviate suffering in the world, then we must remain amidst the suffering and help (and not add hurt) the best we can.
Last edited by Kaishin; 03-15-2015 at 02:48 PM.
Thanks,
Kaishin (開心, Open Heart)
Please take this layman's words with a grain of salt.
Thank you everyone. It is very, very difficult for me to share, but thank you for making this a safe place. I feel sometimes that I am the only one dealing with this, to this extreme I mean because other people (in my real life) seem to be so happy parenting and just love it.
Gassho,
Joyo
sat today
-1- Yes
-2- Vowed to marriage with individual who admitted, previous to making vows, an inability to maintain in relationship, life nor death any interest outside herself. Ego thought, "Yummy, a new challenge." Fourteen years later I died: family gone,
businesses gone, doggone, home gone, sanity gone . . . BUT life is eternal. Life before, during, and after. Life as it is. No attachment and constant attachment. No thought WITH thought. Life as it is.
Gassho
Myosha sat today
"Recognize suffering, remove suffering." - Shakyamuni Buddha when asked, "Uhm . . .what?"
Thank you, Joyo, Willow and Shingen, for your comments and support. My husband has recovered immeasurably and actually, because of Zen and TreeLeaf, he has changed dramatically. At first, he was very angry and in denial. I was not in denial...I was just anxious and in controlled depression. He has not committed formally to Buddhism nor has he joined TreeLeaf but finds that daily Zazen and discusssion of our readings (most recently, "Opening the Hand of Thought" by Uchiyama and now beginning Dogen's "Moon in a Dewdrop") have allowed him to drop the anxiety that he so carefully camouflaged. Me too. Willow, I truly understand about getting older and feeling the urgency to be aware of the present. It goes by too quickly and that is the reason Zazen has made such an impact on both of us. And so has Shitou. Home or the Grass Hut or the Village is Zazen for us. Each time I read the Grass Hut (not before meditation but in the evenings before bedtime), I find something new to discover, even though I cannot express those internal words.
Loss is not difficult to accept when there is the present that is so joyous at times and at others, just ordinary life. Life is all I know. As Dogen states "In a time called life, there is nothing besides life." It is all happening right now, in our Grass Hut.
Gassho,
Ansan
SatToday
Joyo, you express your thoughts so beautifully, even with such despair. I have never parented but do sympathize on a very teeny-tiny scale. I do tutoring of second-graders with reading difficulties at a local school. Most of the children are energetic, quick to learn and open up easily. One child has problems that are not readily deciphered and she is very reticent and shy. And nearing failure. I was making headway in seeing a miniscule of improvement until I developed pneumonia and had to terminate my position (I have COPD and exposure to bacteria causes reoccurring infection). I am quite saddened that I cannot continue but I do get reports from my husband who continues tutoring. Children are...well...children but they too change. Apparently, you are a very conscientious and loving mother. And from what I gather from my observation of parents and their children, it is extraordinary, frustrating, rewarding, and life-altering. You are very definitely living in the present but perhaps a little sigh of relaxation and realization that because of your concern, acceptance and love, your situation will get better. It is part of your karma.
Gassho,
Ansan
SatToday
Ansan, I am happy to hear that your husband is doing better, and that zen has brought such a peace to both of you. I hope your pneumonia gets better soon. I actually work as an EA (Educational assistant) so I had to laugh when I read about your job as I can so relate!!
And also, thank you everyone who responded to me here today. My husband had them busy all day swimming, playing outside etc. etc. and that seemed to help, for now anyways. lol!! I am in much better spirits today, as I had a wonderful chat with my best friend, who helped me see things more clearly.
This is definitely part of my practice, and like any parent can relate to.....parenting is not easy at all!!!
Gassho,
Joyo
sat today
Hello all,
Oh my how I loved the Sandokai book club we did a few years back…. I would say the Sandokai is my top book on Buddhism! Anyway I was pleased to see us reading another of Shitou’s works.
1. I’m not sure if it is a yes or no. On the attachments were I am really attached I seem to slide back and forth…sometimes letting go, or holding softly, and then finding myself grasping on for dear life. I guess more practice is needed!
2. Much in my life would be easier if I could let go a bit. Between my childhood experiences and, what appears to me to be a genetic predisposition, I’m pretty wound up. Perhaps just letting those emotions and such just flow or watch with some detachment?
Time to sit and work/not work with this all a bit.
Gassho,
Jisen/BrianW
Trust me, you're not alone.
All kids are demanding and a challenge to our patience.
We have to learn to deal with them, deal with guilt, deal with comparison and the resulting anger.
It's hard.
Practice has helped me a lot but sometimes I still fail to stop anger or bad feelings on time.
Gassho,
Daiyo
#SatToday
Gassho,Walter
I thought this was of interest .... One CBS Mornings they had a segment on a sculptor who works with sticks. He is in fact, in some respects, making "grass huts." When asked about the impermanence of his work he said the following:
""There's a way that you look at this work and care about it and care for it knowing that it's not going to exist, " he said, 'cause you know what's gonna happen to sticks. I mean, you see a stick and you kind of know that it's like a leaf. It's gonna break down. Something's gonna happen. It's gonna blow away. But in a sense the most powerful part of it is that it's not lasting. And we all recognize that we have a limited lifespan ourselves."
"Does it pain you as an artist to see it deteriorate?" Werner asked.
He replied, "It doesn't currently, 'cause I'm working on a new piece, you know? So I'm already on to the next piece."
Link to the segment below:
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/a-north-...ranches-out/2/
Gassho,
Jisnen/BrianW
Last edited by BrianW; 03-16-2015 at 05:17 PM.
Hello,
Thank you for the link.
Gassho
Myosha sat today
"Recognize suffering, remove suffering." - Shakyamuni Buddha when asked, "Uhm . . .what?"
Yes, very much so.
In my hometown, I have started a CoderDojo, a group for teaching youth coding and about technology that is run by volunteers. The high school no longer offers the one coding class they had when I went there, and it really would've been disappointing for me to not have had that opportunity. After five meetings, happening once a month unofficially at the library, I have not yet really gathered any members--neither volunteers nor young learners.
I have a couple long-distance friends who support me how they can in their encouraging words and input, and I have managed to get my sister to tag along with me in putting fliers at the nearby college and university. It made me happy when she came to the last meeting and made some attempt to play with the tools I had available.
When I really think about it, I am very pleased at my efforts. I may not have something big, but I have been putting together learning materials and have learned so much in the process of doing so. I've gotten to play with so many neat things. I even managed to talk the high school into taking part in Code.org's Hour of Code this past December.
But I become disappointed when someone inquires about the group and I have to figure out how to explain that I do not have any who attend. I mean, I do my best to say it in a positive way, but it seems like I do not hear back from folks after my answer. I get down that I lack the networking and knowing of a lot of people, or even just having good friends nearby to lend a hand. Also, tackling learning materials (especially in areas no one else has seemed to) takes a good deal of effort. It makes me think about dropping the whole thing and making life easier without.
But I just gotta remember, and I usually end up doing so at some point, that I am doing the best that I can. I am making a difference. The difficulty in getting it going just goes to show how much this place needs it. The fact that I'm even trying to lead a group when I'd rather be behind the scenes is amazing, even as scary as that might seem. Go me! And if someone turns their nose at my efforts because they did not meet some standard they made up, then I can do without them. I already am. It's not like it could get any worse. It's only up from here.
Gassho,
Stacy
#SatToday
Last edited by Stacy; 03-18-2015 at 06:30 AM.
Best of luck with your efforts Stacy,
Sadly, I know nothing of coding Be well, you are. Doing great.
Gassho, Kyotai
Sat today
Thank you all for sharing these wonderful posts.
Non-attachment grows out of zazen: whether we know it or not we live in the ground of being BEFORE mind splits reality into this and that; but we also live, temporarily and quite quickly , in the split wolrd of samsaric retribution, of choices and consequences, and we grab, hold on to, identify with delusions.
Zazen makes us see this delusions and, with time and consistency, they become fantasies and so more manageable, they lose solidity, but always remain with us.
Our lives have no intrinsic value.
Our practice makes us see how valuable our lives are.
Gassho.
"Know that the practice of zazen is the complete path of buddha-dharma and nothing can be compared to it....it is not the practice of one or two buddhas but all the buddha ancestors practice this way."
Dogen zenji in Bendowa
1. I think it is possible, though difficult. To see everything as impermanent and interconnected can put things into perspective, but practicing it can be hard.
2. Living is a continual journey to realize the Dharma. Not just once, but many times, I have found myself attached to the very things I thought I was not. But I continue to sit zazen, and continue to realize life as it is.
Gassho,
Hotetsu
#SatToday
Forever is so very temporary...
Catching up from a business trip; sorry for not responding sooner.
1. Absolutely!
2. Actually on this business trip. A new application was being unveiled. We'd seen previous incarnations, and it just didn't meet our requirements. We sort of held onto our impressions, but when we saw it this time, things had changed. It really did work out well. This goes for people and situations as well. The past is dead and can be helpful, but people always deserve a chance.
Gassho,
Risho
-sattoday
Hi everyone,
As with most poetry it takes me a long time to come around to understanding the meaning and applying it. But I finally had this funny moment the other night that truly illuminated this chapter for me. I have a plot at a local community garden. During the winter I didn't work the garden much because I was busy with other things and not really sure what I was doing. But as spring is here, I'm back at the garden. The community garden is an interesting place, there are people from all walks of life who have plots there. It's often strange because I don't see a lot of my neighbors but I always admire their gardens.
The other night I was working the garden with my significant other (SO) and a neighbor I haven't meet before came over to say he had never seen us there before. And then went on to inform us that we needed to put a lock on our garden gate, because if there isn't a lock someone else would come in and treat it as their garden. I laughed and said, "it's ok, they can water and take what they need." My SO wasn't as amused and joked he would put up video cameras and barred wired if the simple fence wasn't enough for people to know it wasn't their plot. The conversation ended, and we both set to our tasks. As it typical he finished first, so he went off to look at other gardens, what people had planted, how things were growing, etc. Before long I heard him and the neighbor in another conversation, they were talking about watering. I joined them and we admired his garden with its sturdy fence and well made planting beds. It started getting dark so we said our goodbyes.
The next day I went to the garden again and saw the same neighbor working his garden. He came over to say hi, and asked if I needed the hose then insisted on getting it for me. We chatted for a minute then went about our work. My SO joined me, and again ended up in the neighbor's garden talking about what work he had done. We left that night with a squash plant and an offer of several more if we wanted them.
So the answer to the first question, yes it is possible. I cherish my garden, want all the plants to grow well and produce lots. But I know if a plant dies it's ok, if tomatoes are taken by squirrels it's ok. If someone comes in and takes veggies from my garden, well I hope they needed them and enjoy them. (While of course I'll still be upset).
The lesson the other night was exactly the answer to question 2. We could have taken our neighbor as being a pain and threatening to essentially steal our plot if we didn't protect it. But instead we took a moment, let go of that first impression and now have a friend in the garden.
And I have no doubt that during the heat of summer at some point I will show up at my garden terrified because I missed watering and convinced everything will be withered and dead, but instead I will find that someone came in and watered for me. Because they could, since I didn't have a pesky lock on the gate.
Gassho,
Shoka
sattoday
Last edited by Shoka; 03-19-2015 at 02:37 PM.
Hello,
Thank you for the moment.
Please keep it up!
Gassho
Myosha sat today
"Recognize suffering, remove suffering." - Shakyamuni Buddha when asked, "Uhm . . .what?"
Shoka,
beautiful!!
Thank you, you've given me a beautiful picture for something I am experiencing in my workplace.
I've been grounded by my boss, forbidden to do many things that I was quite attached to, because it took me years to learn them.
I rationally understand his reasons, but it felt terrible, seeing others "take my veggies".
The last weeks, I've volunteered to help a coworker who is doing this work now and who is sometimes insecure.
I am not allowed to do the work, but I can pass on my experience.
I can water the "plants", and instead of feeling hurt or threatened in "my" territory, I'm letting things evolve.
Gassho,
Danny
#sattoday
Thank you Shoka,
Gassho, Kyotai
sat today
Hi all, sorry if I ruin the nice images Shoka has given us.
I kept thinking about this, and believe it's kind of easier to let go of material things.
But now I'm starting to see my son grow older, he is 12, turning a teenager and changing his mood.
I will have to let him make himself, go out and face dangers, and am deeply terrified about it.
It's not that I can protect him from anything, but as a kid it was always safer to have him at eyesight.
I am also having a feeling of loss of the kid he used to be, of all the hugs I didn't give him and the many times I've rejected him because I was busy or focused on something else.
No matter for how many years I sit, I believe I would never be prepared to "embrace life as is" should something bad happen to my children.
I've a lump in my throat just to write this.
Gassho, Daiyo
#SatToday
Gassho,Walter
Hello Daiyo,
In my experience, it certainly is easier to give up the material then an attachment to human life. Our relationships are so important, those we love are loved more then anything in this world. But, they too are attachments just like the material.
The past is the past. Being present now is what is important. Someday you may look back at what your son was like when he was 12. It will seem like so long ago. Enjoy every moment now The good, the bad and the ugly.
My wife Leah and I had a difficult loss some years ago. We knew our little girl for only 24 hours before she passed. It was so very difficult, I could not imagine how difficult it would have been had we known her 24 years. Many many tears.
After sitting each day, years later although emotion comes and goes when thinking of her..that missing void, slowly replaced with a quiet stillness. Just this.
Nonetheless, one of my favorite quotes below,
" I am an old man and have known many troubles but most of them never happened." ..Mark Twain
Gassho, Kyotai
Sat today
Hi all. What a lovely thread. I was just enjoying a lie down when my youngest son (18) came in and lay beside me resting his head on my shoulder, listening to the birds and sensing the mellowness of the sun going down after the partial eclipse this morning. I remember when his smaller head rested there and a night so long ago now when my father breathed his last while resting there. All the while the mellowness of universal love of moments passing and the weight on my shoulder slip away and all the while all these are still here in this moment, in this pearl, in this grass hut.
On first reading the grass hut my initial response was to say that we are always in a grass hut, in our body, room, house, street, place of work, city, country, planet and universe. We are never anywhere else. It also reminded me of an Indian proverb from Bruce Chatwin's the Songlines, that 'life is a bridge, so don't build houses on it'.
When haven't I felt this? Well if we don't experience the pain and suffering of impermanence then how can we find the path that leads to understanding? I first discovered this in my selfishness when my first love broke my heart and life. In reality it wasn't love that was broken but my sense of permanence about it and her, and like many the way forward was in learning to let go...... Still is!
Thank you to everyone here for showing me all the different ways that I can still keep letting go.
Humble Gasshos
Heisoku
Sat today.
Heisoku 平 息
Every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home. (Basho)
Dear Daiyo, I can only empathise with you. My wife and I had several early terminations and I can't imagine the feeling of your loss. Much Metta to you both.
Gassho
Heisoku
Sat today.
Heisoku 平 息
Every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home. (Basho)
Hi Heisoku, my wife and I haven't had any early termination.
Still, I can understand how hard can it be.
I believe your comment was meant for Kyotai.
I also send metta to all.
gassho, Daiyo
#Sattoday
Gassho,Walter
Apologies Daiyo and Kyotai. I must read more carefully.
Thank you for pointing this out.
Gassho
Heisoku
Sat today.
Heisoku 平 息
Every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home. (Basho)
Thank you for the teaching, Shoka. And Kyotai, my heart continues to go out to you and your family. Much love and metta.
Life is just life with it's sad and happy moments. I take my dog for a walk by the creek most days. The water keeps moving, sometimes gentle, sometimes not. But it is always moving.
My husband lost a good friend of his family's yesterday. He was diagnosed with brain cancer and lived for only a few months after. It definitely made me realize, all over again, the reality of our impermanence. So today, I tried to savour each moment. Even the frustrating ones.
Gassho,
Joyo
sat today
This book looks very good so far, the first chapter hit me on many levels and I am still absorbing it. I am still working through the many post of this forum but thus far the perspectives and sharing I have seen are beautiful beyond description, so I will not even try but thank you all. It is a honor and privilege to practice and walk this path with you.
Thank you all.
Gassho .~ Hogo.
Hi,
I am closing this thread to keep us together, but feel free to comment on anything in this chapter by posting in any of the later open threads.
Gassho, J
SatToday
Last edited by Jundo; 03-22-2015 at 12:29 AM.
ALL OF LIFE IS OUR TEMPLE