Thanks again, it helps a lot.
This morning in zazen i think i understood what bothers me in all this. It is the fear of losing myself, this "I", and the fear of being totally alone. This fear is based on a misunderstanding of emptiness. I still cannot understand it correctly it seems. For me, it's either that everything i see is an illusion, so that would mean the world as i see it is all in my head, which makes it kind of lonely ; or that there is a definite separation between me and the rest of the world, which is another form of loneliness. But all of a sudden i remembered what Jundo said about the inside/outside flow earlier and for a moment i felt - with a tremendous relief that almost brought tears to my eyes - that everything is in constant flow, in constant contact, and so, there is no NOTHING, there is no void of separation in which to fall. Yet, well, there is a separation. Because "I" am typing right now. Nobody else. I am typing on a keyboard. I and the keyboard are separate ; but at the same time the only way i can interact with the keyboard is "flow" and "contact", wether it is by vision, by touch, etc...
Which leads me to think that this "I", as much as everything else, exists in the way that everything else exists : in constant flow and in constant contact. So there is separation, but this separation is itself constant flow and constant contact. So there is no separation. But there is.
Ok, turning myself to the psych ward, ill be back in a few years.
