does coming here and posting here give you a feeling of doing something, going somewhere? it seems it does to me. can I stop coming to the forums? and see nothing is lacking from my life. can I stop reading zen books? and see that I don't really need to know anything more. can I stop sitting for a week or two? without worrying that I won't get it anymore.

what am i doing here? hoping to get "it" by trying to not want it?