Originally Posted by
Stephanie
Let's just keep it simple: I agree that I shouldn't be posting here and have tried to keep myself from doing so, but cannot. I think it would be doing the community a service to delete my registration, as I cannot do so myself. The truth is I have had a bad taste in my mouth about Jundo ever since I found my own spiritual practice done such a disservice here and after I was labelled mentally ill, condescended to, and booted for struggling with sincere spiritual questions. I am not sure what fuels my ongoing irritation with Jundo / Treeleaf because all that stuff is so far in the rearview. I think it just registered so strongly how what I got at Treeleaf was the opposite of what I needed spiritually at the time. I must feel that there is something 'wrong' about all this on some nonverbal level as when I think about it intellectually it seems so quaint and quixotic. As I've found far more in the Zen world that speaks to me than what doesn't. But it certainly doesn't help that wherever else I go on the Internet to connect with the online Zen world is, there Jundo is with his ten cents - Zen Forum International, Hardcore Zen, Wild Fox Zen, Sweeping Zen, often popping up to chastise or call out another Zen figure. I wonder if I was not constantly exposed to Jundo on blogs and forums if I would still retain this level of irritation. I was really excited to find Dosho Port's blog as he was expressing something I found inspiring, but there Jundo is in the comments with the usual. Always making the case for how Treeleaf and his style is exactly what is needed, especially when there is another scandal. I don't agree, and I am not alone in that. Anyway, I know it is a silly, quixotic thing. And I agree I have become an unintentional troll here. A foolish Quixote driving everyone into their defensive positions. People either want to wake up, or not; people either have questions, or don't. I can't make anyone else other than what they are just as they cannot make me other than what I am. Jundo really does push my buttons and probably always will. If I could de-Jundofy the blogs I read, I would. But I can't. Jundo can, however, de-Stephaniefy Treeleaf, which I think would be best for all. Otherwise I can't guarantee I won't be back here to vent the usual next time Jundo does or says something that bugs me. And as far as Chet goes - he does not need me to defend him and didn't ask me to post, but did talk to me about his frustration with what happened, and it bugged me, and I reacted. My report is exactly what Chet told me. It seems Chet has softened his take since it happened, and I agree it's probably for the best.