ZEN FOR THOSE WHO TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY

1. SAVE THE WHALES. COLLECT THE WHOLE SET.

2. A DAY WITHOUT SUNSHINE IS LIKE, NIGHT.

3. ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU HAVE DIFFERENT FINGERS.

4. I JUST GOT LOST IN THOUGHT...... IT WASN'T FAMILIAR TERRITORY.

5. 42.7 PERCENT OF ALL STATISTICS ARE MADE UP ON THE SPOT.

6. 99 PERCENT OF LAWYERS GIVE THE REST A BAD NAME.

7. I FEEL LIKE I'M DIAGONALLY PARKED IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE.

8. HONK IF YOU LOVE PEACE AND QUIET.

9. REMEMBER, HALF THE PEOPLE YOU KNOW ARE BELOW AVERAGE.

10. HE WHO LAUGHS LAST THINKS SLOWEST.

11. DEPRESSION IS MERELY ANGER WITHOUT ENTHUSIASM.

12. THE EARLY BIRD MAY GET THE WORM, BUT THE SECOND MOUSE GETS THE
CHEESE.

13. I DRIVE WAY TOO FAST TO WORRY ABOUT CHOLESTEROL.

14. SUPPORT BACTERIA. THEY'RE THE ONLY CULTURE SOME PEOPLE HAVE.

15. MONDAY IS AN AWFUL WAY TO SPEND 1/7 OF YOUR WEEK.

16. A CLEAR CONSCIENCE IS USUALLY THE SIGN OF A BAD MEMORY.

17. CHANGE IS INEVITABLE, EXCEPT FROM VENDING MACHINES.

18. GET A NEW CAR FOR YOUR SPOUSE. IT'LL BE A GREAT TRADE!

19. PLAN TO BE SPONTANEOUS TOMORROW.

20. ALWAYS TRY TO BE MODEST, AND BE PROUD OF IT!

21. IF YOU THINK NOBODY CARES, TRY MISSING A COUPLE OF PAYMENTS.

22. HOW MANY OF YOU BELIEVE IN PSYCHO-KINESIS? RAISE MY HAND.

23 . OK, SO WHAT'S THE SPEED OF DARK?

24. HOW DO YOU TELL WHEN YOU'RE OUT OF INVISIBLE INK?

25. IF EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE GOING WELL, YOU HAVE OBVIOUSLY OVERLOOKED SOMETHING.

26. WHEN EVERYTHING IS COMING YOUR WAY, YOU'RE IN THE WRONG LANE.

27. HARD WORK PAYS OFF IN THE FUTURE. LAZINESS PAYS OFF NOW.

28. EVERYONE HAS A PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY. SOME JUST DO NOT HAVE FILM.

29. IF BARBIE IS SO POPULAR, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BUY HER FRIENDS?

30. HOW MUCH DEEPER WOULD THE OCEAN BE WITHOUT SPONGES?

31. EAGLES MAY SOAR, BUT WEASELS DO NOT GET SUCKED INTO JET ENGINES.

32. WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU GET SCARED HALF TO DEATH TWICE?

33. I USED TO HAVE AN OPEN MIND BUT MY BRAINS KEPT FALLING OUT.

34. I COULDN'T REPAIR YOUR BRAKES, SO I MADE YOUR HORN LOUDER.

35. WHY DO PSYCHICS HAVE TO ASK YOU FOR YOUR NAME?

36. INSIDE EVERY OLDER PERSON IS A YOUNGER PERSON WONDERING WHAT HAPPENED?

37. JUST REMEMBER ....... IF THE WORLD DID NOT SUCK, WE WOULD ALL FALL OFF.

38. LIGHT TRAVELS FASTER THAN SOUND, WHICH IS WHY SOME PEOPLE APPEAR BRIGHT ......... UNTIL YOU HEAR THEM SPEAK. :twisted:

Thanks Jordan :D

Quote:

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Q: How much "ego" do you need?
A: Just enough so that you don't step in front of a bus.
Shunryu Suzuki

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Cheers

Jools

LOL
Thanks Jordan. Some really funny ones there.

Gassho

thanks jordon -- sad to admit, #34 is true for me -- i know, "i should know better", but after rebuilding my brakes several times with very little improvement, i have been shopping for a louder horn -- or at least, a horn

and this one:"INSIDE EVERY OLDER PERSON IS A YOUNGER PERSON WONDERING WHAT HAPPENED? , is a gem, that is being sent to my peers, mostly aged hippies -- for anyone "younger", and wondering what its like to get "old", thats it in a nutshell -- or as don van vliet put it:

"I left angola, 1964
I went down knockin, on my baby's door
My baby come out, she ask me who i am,
I said "honey, don't you know your man?",
She said "my man's been gone, since 19and42,
and i'll tell you mister ugly, he didn't look like you!"

"ohhh, baby
ohh, baby,
baby this ain't me,
baby this ain't me

grown so ugly, i don't even know myself"

"Grown so ugly" by captain beefheart and his magic band, 1967

bob

Quote:

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12. THE EARLY BIRD MAY GET THE WORM, BUT THE SECOND MOUSE GETS THE
CHEESE.

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:mrgreen: Ouch!

What a crew!

Bob, I can identify with #34 right now as well - my Subaru made an unexpected visit to the repair shop yesterday and is emerging with new rear brakes today... I could not talk the inspection sticker guy into letting me install a louder horn as an alternative....

Thanks for these Jordan...

Gassho,
Alex

Quote:

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9. REMEMBER, HALF THE PEOPLE YOU KNOW ARE BELOW AVERAGE.

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Like that one. Categorically. :D

Gassho,
John

Thank you Jordan, I enjoyed those, especially the second mouse getting the cheese! As far as number 9 is concerned, I read just today that research has also established that 75% of people now make up three quarters of the population.

Gassho

Martin

Quote:

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32. WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU GET SCARED HALF TO DEATH TWICE?

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:mrgreen:

Thanks Jordan!! lol I am going snag that whole bit and share it with a couple of friends lots of keepers on there :D

Gassho
Dirk

Hey guys I am glad you have enjoyed these. :D I actually got them from my first dharma teacher, My Dad. :oops: I will let him know it was well received! :wink:

Gassho,
Jordan