Sometime's its easier to duck and cover

[Tobiishi]

gassho all...

I have been away for quite a while, see many new faces, many old ones...

I took the advice of one of those ancient wise Buddhist folks (or maybe it was the Dalai Llama) and tried to stick to the religion I was raised with. Didn't work out too well.

So I have come back to that misty mountain retreat, Treeleaf, to try to find my meditating roots again. And I find myself realizing that turning away from Zen was like going back to McDonalds after a long vegetarian haiatus. One french-fry and you're hooked like a crack addict, again. If you could inject mcnuggets, you would.

Losing sight of my non-self and dropping back into the "world" was so easy, I didn't even know it had happened. I have re-read some of my old posts, and realize I've lost touch with who I was. Of course, as I am just beginning to re-realize, that self is illusory. I'm hoping that a couple of weeks in here with all of you, and on my cushion, will remind me of that on a more visceral level.

I'm very happy to see that a few of our long-term members have stepped up to the altar, and I'm also glad Chet is still here... his posts are some of my favorites.

My zazen is very rough, but the truth about reality, which I once felt so close to seeing, is still there, on the periphery of my monkey-brain. It is still there.

-thanks for being here, everyone
-tobi

[Graceleejenkins]

Welcome home, Tobi. : ) Gassho, Grace.

[Jinyo]

Welcome back (have not been here long myself)

Gassho

Willow

[KellyRok]

Hello all,

Tobi - I'm glad you've chosen to return! It's good to see you back again.

bows,
Kelly/Jinmei

[Hoyu]

There's always an open Zafu for you here Tobi! Looking forward to sitting with you sometime soon :)

Gassho,
Hoyu(formerly known as John or jrbrisson :wink: )

[Shohei]

Hard to undo something non-done eh?

Hehe im still picturing free baseing mcnuggets... just eek!

welcome back Tobi.



Deep bows

Shohei

[Tobiishi]

Hard to undo something non-done eh?

Hehe im still picturing free baseing mcnuggets... just eek!

welcome back Tobi.



Deep bows

Shohei

Just don't try it with the buffalo sauce.

[Dosho]

Hi Tobi,

It's good to see you back and have thought of you often. I hope you find your path, be it here or elsewhere.

Deep bows.

Gasso,
Dosho

[disastermouse]

Hey Tobishi!

I don't remember when you left, but I've been ejected, sat in the penalty box, and have now been allowed back in. I've also almost self-ejected a few times before coming to my senses. I like to think I'm causing less trouble these days, but it might be just a comforting delusion.

It's good to see you here again. Zen is interesting, isn't it? It may be easy to fall into forgetfulness - but at the same time, you can't un-see what you've seen. I sometimes fall into long periods of forgetfulness and even somewhat shorter periods of full-on Mara-possession - but something always drags me back to the practice - and increasingly my practice is bound up with Treeleaf.

Perhaps you can tell us about your attempt to re-join your previous faith?

Chet

[Jinyo]

Chet wrote

I don't remember when you left, but I've been ejected, sat in the penalty box, and have now been allowed back in. I've also almost self-ejected a few times before coming to my senses. I like to think I'm causing less trouble these days, but it might be just a comforting delusion.

Chet - I reckon it's pretty clear that we all gain a lot from your posts - even if the dust does fly around from time to time. :)

Willow

[Kaishin]

Always nice to see more Hoosier presence :) I must admit I'd never heard of Waveland...

[murasaki]

Welcome back, Tobishi.

I have come and gone here too, not for religious exploration, but because of either my mind-drama or my external drama (and who am I kidding, they are the same thing).

Gassho
Julia

[Tobiishi]

Kaishin- Waveland is in the southwest corner of Montgomery county, about an hour northwest of Indianapolis. I live on the border of Shades State Park (beautiful place to hike if you ever get the chance- I'd be happy to show you the best trail!) about two miles north of Waveland.

Chet- I often fall into the trap of feeling like I need to please a higher power in order to be a good person. Christianity is like a root in my brain, and every time I cut it off at ground level, it tries to grow back. Just as often, though, I start to see through the story to the deeper contradictions, and the ridiculous assertions embedded in the religion. I clear my mind of the hocus-pocus and think about the differences between what the bible teaches and what is actually going on in the world. I think about the diversity of religion and the convergence of morality despite that. Then my thoughts wander back to what I experience while sitting, and just as important, what I do not experience. I have come close enough to realizing the emptiness of my ego (without actually getting there :? ) to know that what I have seen on an intellectual level is available to be perceived in some other way.
Significantly, when I wandered back into proximity with Christianity over the past year, I never went to church. I started with the belief that the current state of the religion is awash in bullshit and spent most of my time trying to figure out a way to be a good boy without having to be told to. Eventually, I discovered that that mindset is contrary to the way Christianity operates, and chopped it off at the ground again. I guess I need to figure out how to dig up the root so this cycle stops recurring.
Thanks for sticking around, by the way. On a side note, I started getting some education in the medical field when I lost my job last year to workforce-reduction. I got my EMT cert, I'm taking a CNA course starting next week, and will have my phlebotomy cert by this time next year. I hope to take all the classes for an associate degree in health care support over the next 3 or 4 years, while working. Incidentally, you're a bit of an inspiration for an aspiring RN.

Everyone- thanks for the welcome-backs!

[Fuken]

Hey Tobiishi,

I tend to wander in and out of here like a gust of wind. My zen practice may be more hermit than sangha orientated. But I think it is great to have this community available to check on my own practice from time to time. I'm great full for the doors (and windows) being open for me.