Your favorite Buddhist jokes!

[FeMonky]

Just adding some lightheartedness to the forums!
:)
If my Chihuahua lays his head in my lap during Meditation practice is that...

Dog 'n' Zazen?

And the classic favorite of most:

What does a Zen cow say?

Mu.

-Xander

[Davidseon]

What did the Buddhist say to the Hot Dog vendor? Make me one with everything.

[Fuken]

Q: How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb? ?
A: None, they are the light bulb.)


Q: How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three -- one to change it, one to not-change it and one to both change- and not-change it.


Q: How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Tree falling in the forest.

Take care,
Jordan

[PaxAnimi]

What is the name of the best Zen teacher?
M.T. Ness

How do you describe a schizophrenic Zen Buddhist?
A man who is at two with the universe

[Justin]

From the Daily Show, I present to you some dark humor: Bodhisattva Bush (http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2lc8h_bodhisattva-bush-the-daily-show-vo_news)

Funnily enough, probably the least misconception-ridden presentation of Buddhism I've ever seen on national television. He even does a proper gassho!

Speaking of which,

Gassho.

[PaxAnimi]

Justin, that was hilarious. Thanks for the link :)

[Gregor]

A student asks his master, "what happens after we die?"

The Master answers,"I don't know."

The student becomes frustrated and says. "I thought you where a Zen Master!"

The Master replies, "I am, but not a dead Zen Master."

[Don Niederfrank]

What did the Buddhist say to the Hot Dog vendor? Make me one with everything.

What did the vendor say when the Buddhist asked for his change?
'Change comes from within.'

[Jundo]

Dear All,

I love these jokes but, 'oh my Gautama,' some of these are as old as the Buddha ... and I don't mean Shakyamuni Buddha. I mean the Buddha two Kalpas before him.

Okay, let me try one Zen joke:




How was that?

G, J

[FeMonky]

:lol:
Justin, I've always loved the daily show! that was a hilarious piece.
But, Jundo's joke actually made me laugh out loud!

-Xander

[paige]

Courtesy of the webcomic Toothpaste for Dinner (http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/):

http://img479.imageshack.us/img479/3672/buddhists9ds.gif

[Justin]

lol!

Very funny.

[Blind Ox]

Not a buddhist joke but is in Osho's "Buddha his life and teachings"

The pope heard that a certain lady in Ireland had produced ten children, so he sent one of his cardinals to grant her his blessings. When he met the lady, the cardinal was disgusted to learn that she was not Catholic. "DO YOU MEAN TO SAY," he thundered, "that I have COME ALL THIS WAY TO MEET A SEX-MAD PROTESTANT?"

[Fuken]

A Zen master once said to me, "Do the opposite of whatever I tell you."
So I didn't.

[Ankai]

Q- What does it mean if the Buddhist is drooling out of both corners of his mouth?

A- The Zabuton is level.

[Gregor]

Did we already tell the one about the Zen master and the Sailor?

[Fuken]

Did we already tell the one about the Zen master and the Sailor?

I have not seen it, post it up!

Gassho,
Jordan

[paige]

Sinfest has some great Buddha comics.

http://www.sinfest.net/comikaze/comics/2006-11-12.gif

These ones are PG-13 at least, for language:

http://www.sinfest.net/archive_page.php?comicID=2268
http://www.sinfest.net/archive_page.php?comicID=2385
http://www.sinfest.net/archive_page.php?comicID=2441

[Gregor]

A yogi goes into his dentist office. Just as the dentist is about to give him a shot of Novocaine, the Yogi puts his hand up and refuses, "No thanks, I transcend dental medication."

[paige]

Today's Sinfest comic strip:

http://www.sinfest.net/comikaze/comics/2008-02-29.gif

[Fuken]

I thought yesterday's was fun too...

[will]

Two Buddhas don't walk into a bar.

Ouch! :roll:


G,W

[Nengei]

9204

Gassho,
Nengei
Sat today. LAH.

[Alina]

https://i.pinimg.com/736x/0f/11/76/0f11761d9acc74966c3f511a928243a9.jpg

Gassho,
Alina
stlah

[Shinshi]

Then there’s the one about the Buddhist vacuum cleaner… comes with no attachments.

Gassho, Shinshi

SaT-LaH

[Shokai]

920692079208

gassho,Shokai

[Jundo]

One would think that, after 2500 years, we would have a few more excellent jokes than the "old standards!"

If I hear the "hot dog saleman" one more time ... I am going to become a Presbyterian!:p

We do have a few "Buddhist stand-ups" and such ... (sorry, I have not looked back at the for awhile, no promises on content) ... gassho1


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMbnfxwus0s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yh-tNGdvrw4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLcaYXC-KlE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdpj0tiwXIU

Gassho, Jundo

stlah

[Kaitan]

9210

Gasshō

stlah, Kaitan

[Alina]

9217

Gassho

Alina
stlah

[Kaitan]

9221

Gasshō

stlah, Kaitan

[Jundo]

9221

Gasshō

stlah, Kaitan

[morehappy]

[Ryumon]

Two zen monks are sitting in a Japanese bath. The first monk says to the second monk, “Pass the soap.“ The second monk replies, “No soap. Radio.“


Gassho,
Ryūmon (Kirk)
Sat Lah

[Jundo]

Two zen monks are sitting in a Japanese bath. The first monk says to the second monk, “Pass the soap.“ The second monk replies, “No soap. Radio.“


Gassho,
Ryūmon (Kirk)
Sat Lah

The most Zen joke of all.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HzjugkbsJK8



https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/1rtnfy/i_dont_get_this_joke_please_explain/

Gassho, J

stlah

[Do Mi]

What's the best gift for a zen master?

A house, because they enjoy living in the present.

Do Mi
stlah

[Jishin]

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20240228/283ec9b23727b48fac6a0c990415c8e7.jpg
Gassho, Jishin, ST, LAH

[Kaitan]

9254

Gasshō

stlah, Kaitan

[Jishin]

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20240309/f7b91a905cb67cb8efdb60ce9cfd1f4f.png
Gassho, Jishin, ST, LAH