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Kokuu
04-03-2019, 12:34 PM
Please leave your haiku here and I will try and give feedback on as many as I can.

silent sitting
my body becomes
the east wind

(published in Blithe Spirit, the journal of the British Haiku Society)

Gassho
Kokuu

Kotei
04-04-2019, 11:15 AM
Hello, visited the garden this morning...

cherry blossom rain
ripples in the pond
the toads mate

Gassho,
Kotei sat/lah today.

Jishin
04-04-2019, 11:22 AM
Chop



Gasho, Jishin, _/st\_

Jishin
04-04-2019, 11:23 AM
Whiteout



Gasho, Jishin, _/st\_

Jakuden
04-04-2019, 12:23 PM
Spring breeze
Rumbling truck engine
Filling potholes.

Gassho,
Jakuden
SatToday/LAH

Junkyo
04-04-2019, 01:25 PM
Ice rain falls

Cold winds blow

Northern spring


Gassho,

Junkyo
SAT

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Kokuu
04-04-2019, 03:44 PM
cherry blossom rain
ripples in the pond
the toads mate

Lovely! If it were up to me I might change the last line to 'mating toads' but there is a lovely comparison of ripples going forward and the future consequences of mating.

Chop

Hmmm.


Whiteout

There is actually a classic modern haiku which is the word tundra in the centre of a white page. This is similar.

One word haiku are the poetic equivalent of the all white canvas - novel once but quickly pale on repetition.


Spring breeze
Rumbling truck engine
Filling potholes

I like this! Mostly all lines are best started in lower case and fills might keep it in the present moment better than filling. 'ing' words tend to be used only once in a haiku. But, again, there is a lovely connection between the rumble of the truck and the breeze.

A suggested version:

spring breeze
a rumbling truck
fills potholes

Kokuu
04-04-2019, 03:46 PM
Ice rain falls
Cold winds blow
Northern spring

Lovely! As with Jakuden, lower case beginning each line is more traditional. Simple but effective!

Jishin
04-04-2019, 03:49 PM
I like:



Thunder



Or



Sunrise




Interesting, powerful, speak a thousand words with brevity. They work quite well if the reader knows what they are reading is a haiku like in this thread. In every day use they are not haikus.


My 2 cents.

Gasho, Jishin, _/st\_

Horin
04-04-2019, 04:09 PM
plum blossoms in spring
dancing leafs drop in autumn wind
the geese move to the south

Jakuden
04-04-2019, 04:26 PM
spring breeze
a rumbling truck
fills potholes

[claps]gassho1

Gassho,
Jakuden
SatToday/LAH

Jishin
04-04-2019, 04:55 PM
Ice rain falls
Cold winds blow
Northern spring

Lovely! As with Jakuden, lower case beginning each line is more traditional. Simple but effective!

I am not the expert by any means. But rain always fall, winds always blow and there always is spring in the north.

rain

winds

northern spring

There is the set up and powerful punch line. Much simpler and effective but that’s just me.

Gasho, Jishin, _/st\_

Kotei
04-04-2019, 05:58 PM
cherry blossom rain
ripples in the pond
the toads mate

Lovely! If it were up to me I might change the last line to 'mating toads' but there is a lovely comparison of ripples going forward and the future consequences of mating.

Thank you, I'll go with the suggested 'mating toads', I like the simplicity and sound and the image is still working for me.
Passing away and becoming, meeting in the ripples in the pond... wave and ocean...
Gassho,
Kotei sat/lah today.

Junkyo
04-04-2019, 06:08 PM
Ice rain falls
Cold winds blow
Northern spring

Lovely! As with Jakuden, lower case beginning each line is more traditional. Simple but effective!Thank you for the lesson!

Gassho,

Junkyo
Sat
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Junkyo
04-04-2019, 06:10 PM
I am not the expert by any means. But rain always fall, winds always blow and there always is spring in the north.

rain

winds

northern spring

There is the set up and powerful punch line. Much simpler and effective but that’s just me.

Gasho, Jishin, _/st\_Hi Jishin!

I like this too! I have always been told I tend to be too wordy! Perhaps something to think about haha.

Gassho,

Junkyo
Sat

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Jishin
04-04-2019, 06:15 PM
Hi Jishin!

I like this too! I have always been told I tend to be too wordy! Perhaps something to think about haha.

Gassho,

Junkyo
Sat

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I Ike brevity. All dogmas fall over time. Haikus are no exception. A haiku is what you say it is. But that’s just me.

[emoji2]

Gasho, Jishin, _/st\_

Shinshi
04-04-2019, 11:51 PM
hawks on the wing
in a spring breeze
old leaves stir and dance

Kokuu
04-05-2019, 10:10 AM
I am not the expert by any means. But rain always fall, winds always blow and there always is spring in the north.

rain
winds
northern spring

Yes, this works too. Brevity is punchy but it doesn't mean it is always best.

I generally write and then strip out anything unnecessary but it is a matter of opinion what is necessary and what is unnecessary.

Kokuu
04-05-2019, 10:14 AM
I like:

Thunder

Or

Sunrise

The problem here is that there is no dynamic tension as there is between two parts of a good haiku.

It is great to consider the impact and meaning of a single word but it isn't really a haiku. 'tundra' on a blank page works because of the interplay between the word and the space. Thunder and sunrise do not do that.

I would put into the category of fun to play with as are single colour canvasses, but paling with repetition.

Kokuu
04-05-2019, 10:21 AM
plum blossoms in spring
dancing leafs drop in autumn wind
the geese move to the south

This might be a little wordy, Hishiryo.

Firstly, you don't need spring in addition to plum blossom as that already sets the season as spring.

Also, a haiku is generally set in one moment in time and place, so usually one season. There are exceptions though.

Putting this in autumn it would be best just with the last part:

leaves dance
on the wind
departing geese

Kokuu
04-05-2019, 10:23 AM
hawks on the wing
in a spring breeze
old leaves stir and dance

I really like the idea! Maybe a bit briefer and make the connection clear?

hawk on the wing
last year's leaves
live again

Horin
04-05-2019, 10:26 AM
This might be a little wordy, Hishiryo.

Firstly, you don't need spring in addition to plum blossom as that already sets the season as spring.

Also, a haiku is generally set in one moment in time and place, so usually one season. There are exceptions though.

Putting this in autumn it would be best just with the last part:

leaves dance
on the wind
departing geeseThank you for that response, Kokuu - i understand :-)

Gassho,
Ben

St

Jishin
04-05-2019, 04:30 PM
The problem here is that there is no dynamic tension as there is between two parts of a good haiku.

It is great to consider the impact and meaning of a single word but it isn't really a haiku. 'tundra' on a blank page works because of the interplay between the word and the space. Thunder and sunrise do not do that.

I would put into the category of fun to play with as are single colour canvasses, but paling with repetition.


thunder

This is a great haiku and this is why:

the before and after silence of thunder is not the same.

sleeping silence

thunder

startled awake silence

The silences are very different and provide the tension for a good haiku. "thunder" is the punch line and the second silence with the "aha" moment. Unenlightened vs enlightened silence. There is also mention of season.

Same goes for the next haiku:


Sunrise


There is dark and bright light before and after sunrise. The punchline is "Sunrise" and the "aha" moment is the light that comes afterwards. Another great haiku. There is also mention of time/season.

Creativity is fun and a haiku is a haiku when someone calls it a haiku.

My 2 cents.

Gassho, Jishin, ST

Shinshi
04-05-2019, 06:13 PM
I really like the idea! Maybe a bit briefer and make the connection clear?

hawk on the wing
last year's leaves
live again

Thank you for the feedback Kokuu.

Gassho, Shinshi

SaT-LaH

Mitka
04-06-2019, 03:15 AM
Off-the-cuff haiku after zazenkai, please be nice [morehappy].

plodding thoughts
shadow and incense smoke
the watcher watches

Gassho,
Mitka
Sat

Teiro
04-06-2019, 12:43 PM
I have not the faintest idea about haikus, but I try it anyway. :)

red-dressed sun flows
into star-sprinkled night
I sleep

Gassho
Teiro

Sat

Geika
04-08-2019, 03:36 AM
Moonlight cuts rivers
Out of dark slopes on the ground
Bright and stark like ice

Sat today, lah

Kokuu
04-08-2019, 04:33 PM
Moonlight cuts rivers
Out of dark slopes on the ground
Bright and stark like ice

Lovely, Geika, but no need to stick to 5-7-5 syllables.

red-dressed sun flows
into star-sprinkled night
I sleep

Sometimes not knowing is the best! Very good effort!

plodding thoughts
shadow and incense smoke
the watcher watches

Is good, Mitka! I wonder if 'rising thoughts' might be even stronger to convey the relationship between the thoughts and incense?

Kokuu
04-08-2019, 04:37 PM
The silences are very different and provide the tension for a good haiku. "thunder" is the punch line and the second silence with the "aha" moment. Unenlightened vs enlightened silence. There is also mention of season.

I agree but not sure the reader will get that. However, you could express it...

thunder
the silence before
and after

If haiku were just one word I doubt they would have survived for so long and spread to so many different countries and cultures. We need something more to say what it was about *that* thunder and your reaction to it that makes it different from any other moment of thunder. What was it about *that* particular sunrise.

The interest is in the specificity rather than generality.

Gassho
Kokuu

Jishin
04-08-2019, 05:16 PM
thunder
the silence before
and after



This is a very nice Haiku Kokuu. I agree with what you say about Haikus.

Gassho, Jishin, ST

Gero
04-08-2019, 05:27 PM
to escape massive clouds of cherry blossom fragrance
I retrace my steps over the bridge
as the brook giggles at my retreat

Actually this (almost) happened to me 90 minutes ago while walking our dog. When I crossed a tiny bridge over a minor brook, the way led me along the banks which are just plastered with blooming cherry trees. The fragrance got so overpowering that I really considered to flee that intensity.

Gassho
Gero

(sat)

Teiro
04-09-2019, 07:59 AM
Thanks a lot for your kind feedback, Kokuu. gassho1

But surely there are some rules for Haiku I should know about, like the 5-7-5 syllable thing I just’ve read about on Wikipedia.
Do you have any suggestions where I can find some kind of “how-to” for Haiku?

Oops... I just’ve found your introductions on how to write Haiku... :reading:
Thanks for the teaching, Kokuu.

Gassho
Teiro

Sat/Lah

Geika
04-09-2019, 06:16 PM
Thank you, Kokuu

Gassho, sat today, lah

Kyoshin
04-10-2019, 03:03 AM
winter
in Saigon
summer heat
Gassho
Nick
Satlah



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Jakuden
04-10-2019, 12:07 PM
corn field stubble
sharp eyes find gold
wild turkey strut

Gassho,
Jakuden
SatToday/LAH


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Junkyo
04-10-2019, 03:23 PM
foggy street
sunlight beams
roadside clarity

Gassho,
Junkyo
SAT

Hoseki
04-11-2019, 06:43 PM
meeting a fan -
he greets them with
blood stained hands

gassho
Hoseki
Sattoday

mateus.baldin
04-14-2019, 07:41 PM
sparrow in the sun
flying hawk
autumn in the cerrado

In Portuguese (original):
pardal ao sol
carcará voando
outono no cerrado


I tried to convey the feeling of impermanence and fragility of life linking the approach of the carcará to the coming of autumns, witch represents the beginning of the dry season in the Brazilian Cerrado, from middle autumn (April) to middle spring (November). I don't know how to translate carcará (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Southern_crested_caracara) in English, so I translated as hawk, but its not the same species and hawk don't convey the same feeling (caracarás are know to be resistantand adaptable as they prey and eat any kind of animal, prospering during the dry season that treatens other animals). As both the sparrow and the carcará are not seasonal birds, I used the autumn to convey the seasonal feeling.
Hope it makes some sense as a haiku.

Gassho,
Mateus
Sat today

Kokuu
04-15-2019, 11:37 AM
to escape massive clouds of cherry blossom fragrance
I retrace my steps over the bridge
as the brook giggles at my retreat

Woah! Some great images in there, Gero, but is getting awful big for a haiku! Try to pick two parts and work with that.
For example...

cherry blossom
I retrace my steps
over the bridge

winter
in Saigon
summer heat

Lovely, Nick. You might want to consider using another word other than summer to describe the heat but it works well anyway.

Kokuu
04-15-2019, 11:42 AM
corn field stubble
sharp eyes find gold
wild turkey strut

I like the images, Jakuden, but it sounds a bit stilted. One part should be a fragment and the phrase part read like a sentence. Otherwise we get three rather choppy lines.
For example...

wild turkey strut
sharp eyes find gold
among the stubble

foggy street
sunlight beams
roadside clarity

As with Jakuden, the images are there but the poem feels rather choppy. Are the sunlight beams from a car or the sun?
The second part needs to feel more like a sentence.
E.g.

foggy street
beams of sunlight
clear the road

That may not be quite what you wanted to say so experiment yourself.

Junkyo
04-15-2019, 11:47 AM
I like the images, Jakuden, but it sounds a bit stilted. One part should be a fragment and the phrase part read like a sentence. Otherwise we get three rather choppy lines.
For example...

wild turkey strut
sharp eyes find gold
among the stubble

foggy street
sunlight beams
roadside clarity

As with Jakuden, the images are there but the poem feels rather choppy. Are the sunlight beams from a car or the sun?
The second part needs to feel more like a sentence.
E.g.

foggy street
beams of sunlight
clear the road

That may not be quite what you wanted to say so experiment yourself.Hi Kokuu,

Foggy street

Sunlight beams

Roadside clarity

Was mine Haha. I think you joined two separate posts!

The idea in mine was to relate a foggy street to a mind that was obscured by the defilements, the sunlight beams are alluding to wisdom, and of course roadside clarity is allegory to enlightenment.

Gassho,

Junkyo
SAT

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Kokuu
04-15-2019, 11:52 AM
meeting a fan -
he greets them with
blood stained hands

Dark! But a good haiku, or at least senryu (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Senry%C5%AB) (senryu is the term given to haiku which are more focussed on human behaviour and quirks rather than nature and lacking a season word).

sparrow in the sun
flying hawk
autumn in the cerrado

It does make sense, Mateus. Thank you. And yes, often hard to translate animals into something English.

All of the elements are there but it doesn't quite flow as a poem yet. Perhaps there needs to be a linkage between hawk and sparrow, even if it is implicit?

a hawk and sparrow
share the sun
cerrado autumn

cerrado autumn
hawk eyes pick out
a sunlit sparrow

Just ideas! A lovely glimpse into your natural world, which is one of the joys of haiku!

Kokuu
04-15-2019, 11:55 AM
Do you have any suggestions where I can find some kind of “how-to” for Haiku?

Hi Teiro

Yes, I left some instructions and hopefully made clear about the 5-7-5 aspect.

This is also a good guide for haiku writing: https://ahapoetry.com/Bare%20Bones/bbtoc%20intro.html

Gassho
Kokuu

mateus.baldin
04-16-2019, 03:20 PM
sparrow in the sun
flying hawk
autumn in the cerrado

It does make sense, Mateus. Thank you. And yes, often hard to translate animals into something English.

All of the elements are there but it doesn't quite flow as a poem yet. Perhaps there needs to be a linkage between hawk and sparrow, even if it is implicit?

a hawk and sparrow
share the sun
cerrado autumn

cerrado autumn
hawk eyes pick out
a sunlit sparrow

Just ideas! A lovely glimpse into your natural world, which is one of the joys of haiku!

Thank you, Kokuu. I can see the lack of linkage between the hawk and the sparrow. I like your versions better.

This was a scene I saw while going to work. I’ll try to be more attentive to let other haiku find my mind.
Gassho,
Mateus
Sat/LAH

Kyoshin
04-20-2019, 12:50 PM
Thanks for the feedback, Kokuu!

Gassho
Nick
Satlah

Teiro
05-19-2019, 06:03 AM
Thank you, Kokuu!

I feel somewhat restricted with the 5-7-5 approach. But as far as I understand it, it is not the only way to write Haiku -especially not in English.

So here is an other try. It came to me during a morning walk and it probably doesn’t qualify as a Haiku ;)

woodpecker pecking, cuckoo in the distance
dappled green sun light shades of blue
heart beats

Gassho
Teiro

Sat

Gero
05-25-2019, 08:50 PM
Thank you, Kokuu!

I feel somewhat restricted with the 5-7-5 approach. But as far as I understand it, it is not the only way to write Haiku -especially not in English.

So here is an other try. It came to me during a morning walk and it probably doesn’t qualify as a Haiku ;)

woodpecker pecking, cuckoo in the distance
dappled green sun light shades of blue
heart beats

Gassho
Teiro

Sat

Wow! I do not feel qualified to rate any haiku, but this one immediately spoke to me. So tranquil images yet really moving. [gassholook]

Teiro
05-26-2019, 08:41 AM
Thank you, Gero, for your kind words. gassho1

Wow! I do not feel qualified to rate any haiku, but this one immediately spoke to me. So tranquil images yet really moving. [gassholook]

Gassho
Teiro
Sat

Kokuu
06-03-2019, 11:29 AM
Hi Teiro!

Generally, when people write haiku in western languages they use less then 5-7-5 syllables since Japanese sound units are shorter than our syllables. We also try to use only two images in one poem, although there may be exceptions.

If you want to write longer poems, that is fine. You do not have to be restricted to haiku. In Japanese culture, you may want to look at tanka (http://tankaonline.com/Quick%20Start%20Guide.htm) which take the form of five lines and 5-7-5-7-7 sound units. As for haiku, western languages tend to go with less.

You have some great images in your poem and could easily make two haiku! For example:

dappled green sun
a woodpecker pecking
heart beats

cuckoo
in the distance
light shades of blue


If you wish to see some German language haiku to see how things are done in what I am assuming is your native language, I would recommend the journal Chrysanthemum: http://www.chrysanthemum-haiku.net/de/current-issue.html

Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday-

Teiro
06-03-2019, 02:19 PM
Thank you Kokuu for your good advice. I will check out Chrysanthemum. However, I actually feel much more comfortable writing in English - but I have absolutely no idea why that’s so.... It just is. :)

Gassho
Teiro

Who will sit tonight

Tai Shi
06-13-2019, 08:16 AM
Morning news sweeps day
As I linger in my cave,
No gift above, nothing saved,

Day unfolds in blue
Sky with information done
In print black as rave,

I wander pages
With my hand so strong and weak
Morning news again is grave.

Tai Shi
sat/lah
Gassho
My poem

"June 13
Directly it is said that not a single thing exists, and yet we
see the entire universe nothing has ever been hidden."
ed. by Josh Bartok

Getchi
06-15-2019, 10:37 PM
The dog barks,
possum hears it,
Home again.

One fat crow,
one dead branch
the chicks are due!!!



Gassho,
GEoff.
SAtToday
LaH.

Heiso
06-19-2019, 09:33 AM
summer rain
indoor ants
waiting

Shinshi
06-26-2019, 06:34 PM
Summer breeze rustling through trees
Song sparrow sings.
Never the same note twice

Gassho, Shinshi

SaT-LaH

Onka
07-15-2019, 08:12 AM
This is my first attempt at a Haiku. It was inspired by an experience I had yesterday while sitting Zazen on the bank of our bottom dam amongst a Dry Eucalypt Forest.

Azure Kingfisher
Piercing water interrupts
Zazen is transformed


Gassho
Anna

Sat today

Geika
07-15-2019, 10:30 PM
Lovely, Anna

Gassho

Sat today, lah

Rob H
07-16-2019, 06:17 AM
Sitting in zazen
Thoughts and feelings drift away
At one with Nature.

Gassho.
Rob.

ST

Kotei
07-25-2019, 08:36 AM
pond and cloud and sky
dragonfly
fly, dragon - fly

Gassho
Kotei
sat

Onka
07-27-2019, 11:21 PM
Attempt No.2

Wabi-sabi Self
Zazen practice diligence
Brings peace to the world


Gassho
Anna

Sat today

krissydear
07-29-2019, 06:43 AM
first time as well. these are all lovely. here is my try:


evening zazen
sitting together, now
many will be (n)one



[gassholook]
thank you for your time
gassho
krissy

Shugen
08-06-2019, 03:30 AM
first time as well. these are all lovely. here is my try:


evening zazen
sitting together, now
many will be (n)one



[gassholook]
thank you for your time
gassho
krissy

:)

Tai Shi
08-06-2019, 02:07 PM
Young finch batters gold
Against window's bird in fear,
Renouncing bright sun.

Tai Shi
sat/lah
Gassho

Tai Shi
09-24-2019, 09:40 PM
Morning stomach fill
With grain, milk, yogurt—fine juice!
Nourishing self, and fine mind,

Sit quietly before White
Buddha? Purity, Wisdom
Body breath quiet

We will fill sixth mind,
Mindfulness wisdom gone
Before, with knowledge!

Tai Shi
sat
Gassho


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Heiso
09-25-2019, 03:15 PM
A packed carriage
confused faces
London in the rain

Heiso
09-28-2019, 10:32 AM
Garden spider
Seeking cover
Late September.

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Heiso
01-13-2020, 07:49 PM
Chanting sutras
Robe on head
Fancy a sandwich?

- my wife came into the room mid jukai ceremony to ask if I wanted a sandwich, she didn't bat an eyelid that I was gasshoing and chanting or taking precepts
. I could then hear her swearing in the kitchen trying to open a pickle jar. I found the juxtaposition amusing.

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Onka
01-14-2020, 12:52 AM
Haha! Brilliant!

Kokuu
02-28-2020, 09:56 PM
Quite minimal but imagine you can all guess
what it is about!


one footstep
after another
temple bell


Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday/lah-

Shoki
02-29-2020, 02:57 PM
Nine Canada geese
Descending to land, wings still
Paying attention


Gassho
stLAH
James

Tai Shi
03-02-2020, 01:58 PM
Morning yellow disk
Into difficult sky rises
Before back into spring.

Another silver
Moon descends in favor
Of spring snow melt .

Tai Shi
sat
Gassho


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Tozan AN
04-29-2020, 02:56 PM
I wrote it in Turkish but will try to translate English:

tunç güz yaprağı
soğuk toprak üstünde
düşüyor hala

bronze leaf of autumn
on the cold earth
still falling

Horin
05-15-2020, 04:57 PM
I tried another autumn haiku in spanish:

hojas de colores cayendo
último baile en el viento
el invierno nunca llega

---

colored leaves falling
last dance in the wind
winter never comes

Gassho
Ben

Stlah

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Seikan
05-20-2020, 01:19 AM
Wanted to share this older haiku as I come back to it myself whenever I have a bout of insomnia...


awake at 3 a.m.—
the summer moon
in a starless sky


Gassho,
Rob

SatToday

Kokuu
05-20-2020, 11:00 AM
awake at 3 a.m.—
the summer moon
in a starless sky

Lovely!

Heiso
05-20-2020, 02:43 PM
I tried another autumn haiku in spanish:

hojas de colores cayendo
último baile en el viento
el invierno nunca llega

---

colored leaves falling
last dance in the wind
winter never comes

Gassho
Ben

Stlah

Enviado desde mi PLK-L01 mediante TapatalkNice! I don't know how you even start to write haiku in your second and third languages!

Gassho

Heiso
StLah

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Horin
05-20-2020, 03:32 PM
Nice! I don't know how you even start to write haiku in your second and third languages!

Gassho

Heiso
StLah

Sent from my E5823 using TapatalkHaha I like challenges, Heiso

Gassho

Ben


Stlah

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Snark
07-18-2020, 07:32 PM
cherry blossoms---
up to my ankles
in moonlight

Gassho,

dan.

Shōnin Risa Bear
07-18-2020, 07:59 PM
What do I do next?
Log in to Treeleaf, I guess.
Three sentences now.

gassho
shonin sat today and lah

Kokuu
07-18-2020, 10:15 PM
cherry blossoms---
up to my ankles
in moonlight

Fine work! Is that original or did you draw on the poem by Jim Kacian (editor of this lovely anthology (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25622851-haiku-in-english)):

ground fog
up to my ankles
in moonlight


Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday-

Snark
07-19-2020, 07:22 AM
Fine work! Is that original or did you draw on the poem by Jim Kacian (editor of this lovely anthology (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25622851-haiku-in-english)):

ground fog
up to my ankles
in moonlight


Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday-

Thank you, Kokuu. I hadn't read Jim's ku, but he is a brilliant haikuist. if I had have read it I guess it would be honkidori?

Gassho,

dan.

Kokuu
07-19-2020, 01:11 PM
Hi Dan

These kind of convergent haiku happen sometimes. Is interesting and not a bad thing to be writing in a similar way to someone as proficient as Jim!

Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday-

Jishin
07-19-2020, 04:32 PM
Ouch ouch ouch before

Ouch ouch ouch after

Eye surgery

Tai Shi
07-19-2020, 05:38 PM
May I relive
My days absolute with joy
Knowing mindfulness.

Tai Shi
sat/ lah
Gassho

Tai Shi
07-19-2020, 05:45 PM
Walls with wonder live
Each step magnified again
And, again, I can see.

Tai Shi
sat
Gassho

Seikan
07-19-2020, 05:51 PM
cherry blossoms---
up to my ankles
in moonlight


Love this one Dan. Well done!

Gassho,
Rob

-st-


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Snark
07-19-2020, 06:41 PM
Love this one Dan. Well done!

Gassho,
Rob

-st-


Sent from my Pixel 2 XL using Tapatalk

Thank you for reading it, Rob, and your kind words!

Gassho,

dan.

Snark
07-19-2020, 07:33 PM
Ouch ouch ouch before

Ouch ouch ouch after

Eye surgery

not before
not after
Summer rain

*after Jishin

Gassho,

dan. sattoday

Blake
07-26-2020, 01:43 AM
frosted grass tips
a lone crow calls
atop the wooden fence

Tai Shi
07-26-2020, 03:06 PM
Morning mist, clouds over
Sunset hills, green green sea
Crops flourish like fish.
Tai Shi
sat/ lah
Gassho


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Kyoshin
08-05-2020, 02:17 PM
Country sounds tonight
Saigon's motorbikes got lost
In frogs and hard rain

Gassho
Kyōshin
Satlah

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Kokuu
08-05-2020, 02:24 PM
Country sounds tonight
Saigon's motorbikes got lost
In frogs and hard rain

Thank you, Kyoshin!

Just a reminder there is no need to use the 5/7/5 syllable pattern unless you want. 5/7/5 Japanese sound units generally translates to fewer syllables in English and syllable counting is far less important than the actual poetic content.

Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday/lah-

Kyoshin
08-05-2020, 02:26 PM
Thank you, Kyoshin!

Just a reminder there is no need to use the 5/7/5 syllable pattern unless you want. 5/7/5 Japanese sound units generally translates to fewer syllables in English and syllable counting is far less important than the actual poetic content.

Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday/lah-Haha, I wasn't actually aiming for a 5/7/5 but I got one anyway! [emoji16]

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Kokuu
08-05-2020, 04:59 PM
Haha, I wasn't actually aiming for a 5/7/5 but I got one anyway!

Ha! That's fine!

Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday/lah-

nknibbs
08-26-2020, 01:49 PM
What better
Embodiment of now—
A tickle on a lip

Gassho,
Nick
SatLah

Shokai
08-31-2020, 12:18 PM
You think you are here
Then something happens, kerplunk;
every day is a gift.

The barn is burnt down
Now we see the fields beyond,
There is a full moon.

Foggy lens replaced,
Was blind but now I can see;
Amazing autumn.

Love you all; gassho, Shokai
stlah

Tai Shi
08-31-2020, 06:18 PM
I also sat this morning
Shokai taught me how
To be patient

Jundo taught me how
How to be polite

All the wonderful people
The best more music

In my heart, is this my Buddhism

Tell me teachers
This is my delicate Pearl
Marjorie best forever

Friends, B F F E, we were
Children in our apple tree

Near day lilies, where you
Planted our Father’s Day

Gift from Laurel Ann
Aspens still growing

From volunteer roots
Thank you Jundo
Thank you Shokai
For patience, persistence
For manners

For ethereal nothingness
Written in more than
Three lines


Gassho
sat lah


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Heiso
08-31-2020, 06:44 PM
Last day of summer--
Digging up leeks
somewhere a bonfire burns.

Gassho

Heiso
StLah

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Shokai
09-01-2020, 02:03 AM
Thank you Taishi, you are very welcome

Getchi
09-04-2020, 10:18 AM
I have one car,
And here I live.
Stars pass just like before.

Shokai
09-04-2020, 07:12 PM
Read Gustav's book, wow,
witness to his becoming;
The moon is clearer.

Kokuu
10-23-2020, 10:24 PM
I recently had a poem of mine translated into Chinese which is nice, even though I cannot read it myself!

elephant skull
the looming shadow
of Kilimanjaro

(originally published in The Mamba (https://africahaikunetwork.wordpress.com), March 2018)


Chinese Translation (Traditional)

大象頭骨
乞力馬扎羅山隱約可見
的陰影

Chinese Translation (Simplified)

大象头骨
乞力马扎罗山隐约可见
的阴影

(https://neverendingstoryhaikutanka.blogspot.com/2020/10/butterfly-dream-elephant-skull-haiku-by.html)

Gassho
Kokuu

Heiso
10-25-2020, 04:42 PM
I recently had a poem of mine translated into Chinese which is nice, even though I cannot read it myself!

elephant skull
the looming shadow
of Kilimanjaro

(originally published in The Mamba (https://africahaikunetwork.wordpress.com), March 2018)


Chinese Translation (Traditional)

大象頭骨
乞力馬扎羅山隱約可見
的陰影

Chinese Translation (Simplified)

大象头骨
乞力马扎罗山隐约可见
的阴影

(https://neverendingstoryhaikutanka.blogspot.com/2020/10/butterfly-dream-elephant-skull-haiku-by.html)

Gassho
KokuuThat is very cool!

Gassho

Heiso
StLah

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Jakuden
10-25-2020, 10:47 PM
I recently had a poem of mine translated into Chinese which is nice, even though I cannot read it myself!

elephant skull
the looming shadow
of Kilimanjaro

(originally published in The Mamba (https://africahaikunetwork.wordpress.com), March 2018)


Chinese Translation (Traditional)

大象頭骨
乞力馬扎羅山隱約可見
的陰影

Chinese Translation (Simplified)

大象头骨
乞力马扎罗山隐约可见
的阴影

(https://neverendingstoryhaikutanka.blogspot.com/2020/10/butterfly-dream-elephant-skull-haiku-by.html)

Gassho
Kokuu

Yes, very cool! Why the translation?

Gassho,
Jakuden
SatToday/LAH

Tai Shi
10-25-2020, 10:51 PM
Wonderful! Interesting too. Sheds light on Chinese Culture. How did you find out they publish Poets from your Britton? Do you speak and write Chinese? No. Just very nervous be cause I see one of my Dr this morning. Great in English. Sorry.
Gassho
sat
Taishi


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Tai Shi
10-31-2020, 03:00 AM
Reflected fall trees, pools
On fire, as children seek candy,
Sweet days of November ahead.
Gassho
sat/ lah
Tai Shi


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Tai Shi
10-31-2020, 03:23 AM
I peer into autumn night sitting
On my easy chair, no COVID
In my site no Covid no pain
In dense days ahead developing
Dire Americans, Joe will deliver.
Be in South Dakota to pause.
Covid 19 is worse than ever,
We need politicians without death.
Gassho
st/ lah
Tai Shi


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Tai Shi
10-31-2020, 03:35 AM
I fold my warm fingers, warm
With safety while others suffer
Am I a cheat or liar, my mind restless without honesty, I seek only loving kindness Metta Sutra May there be care in the eyes of all parents, May all
Children love and be loved. May mother’s days be left quiet, slow and happy.
Gassho
st/ lah
Tai Shi


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Kokuu
10-31-2020, 11:44 PM
Lovely, Tai Shi! Do you think those should be in the poetry section rather than haiku?

Hallowe'en lantern
even the skeletons
socially distance

Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday-

Kokuu
10-31-2020, 11:48 PM
How did you find out they publish Poets from your Britton? Do you speak and write Chinese?


Yes, very cool! Why the translation?

Chen-ou Liu, who writes the blog, is a bilingual haiku poet who takes English Language Haiku and translates them into Chinese, presumably for a mostly Chinese audience.

So, I potentially have 1.4 billion new readers! [morehappy]

Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday-

Tai Shi
11-07-2020, 10:39 AM
Dear friend, Kokuu please move my lines to poetry, I only now learn
Of Haiku un riddled un bride led
She has been mother of our child.

Gassho
Folded hands
sat
Tai Shi


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Tai Shi
11-07-2020, 10:42 AM
I fold my warm fingers, warm
With safety while others suffer
Am I a cheat or liar, my mind restless without honesty, I seek only loving kindness Metta Sutra. May there be care in the eyes of all parents, May all
Children love and be loved. May mother’s days be left quiet, slow and happy.
Gassho
st/ lah
Tai Shi


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Tai Shi
11-08-2020, 10:33 AM
My warm inner world of pain
Waits for fall colors of my throat
For MS medication which takes
My inner skeleton to relaxation!

Gassho

sat// lah

Tai Shi
Calm Poetry


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Tai Shi
11-08-2020, 10:43 AM
Invisible white world of Tonglen
Revolts with blue smoke revoked
My essence in dry uneven path
To harrowing hell of medium mind!

Gassho
sat // lah

Tai Shi

Calm Poetry


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Tai Shi
11-08-2020, 10:47 AM
Each day I sit free to brown
Depth of Autumn days with
Hope of moon I cannot see.

Gassho
Bent from arthritis

sat // lah
Tai Shi
Calm Poetry


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WanderingIntrospection
11-08-2020, 12:26 PM
Haiku

Thinking shrinks the world
Non-thinking expands the world
Simply be as thus


Gassho
Mark
SatToday

Tai Shi
11-08-2020, 01:43 PM
The flip-flop is necessary. Pain is neither think nor feeling; it just is requires special treatment of both breaking dual realizations; thus level 10 pain well handled in body with MS medications, feeling is thinking, feeling is thinking, thinking is feeling. This is not the poem, this is the poem, light is dark, dark is light there is no distinction. Autumn the time of year, the protagnist cannot see the moon because his neck bones are locked in place, spine at 50 degrees. Body slumps to the left, sometimes the protagnist just falls over. How would you suggest person might not coplain while judging reality? I see your complaint, so please address constructive criticism while now you know the reality. I suggest lines one foot step before the other-- how many poets have used the same lines of this poem? Nice alterations--I like it. See 12 step recovery throughout literature, "one step before the other." Ha I like the humor, "Fancy a sandwich." Sandwich a fancy. This is real poetry.
This is literary criticism; is it not poetry. Allow Jundo, no harm done, just observations from one who knows. This was my job for 48 years. I worked longer than most members were, are alive "pitty," what's the harm, what is Autumn, Spring, Winter, and All? Spring and Fall. "Marget why are you grieving/ for golden groves unleaving...?" GM Hopkins. "It is Margret who you grieve for." "Thinking shrinks the world" turns duality on its head. "Each day in Autumn, Silver Moon I cannot bend my head" Do you think this merits a look" More the black night enshouds my "face."
Gassho

sat// lah

Tai Shi
Calm Poetry
I can breath.

Kokuu
11-08-2020, 02:21 PM
How would you suggest person might not coplain while judging reality? I see your complaint, so please address constructive criticism while now you know the reality.

Which comment are you referring to here, Tai Shi? I cannot see what you are referencing.

Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday-

Tai Shi
11-08-2020, 03:36 PM
My mistake, I've been asked not post but two poems a pay, and I suspect that mean Haiku as well. See you soon, back in two weaks.
Gassho
sat/ lah
Tai Shi

Jeff Naylor
11-08-2020, 07:47 PM
I walked to work,
The sign, "limited vision",
Passed under, unseen.

Gassho
Sat/ lah

WanderingIntrospection
11-09-2020, 03:10 AM
The monkey mind runs
Reality asunder
In stillness it blends

Gassho
Mark
ST

Heiso
11-11-2020, 04:59 PM
Browning leaves
and damp decay
I put my beds to sleep

Gassho

Heiso

StLah

Seikan
11-11-2020, 05:18 PM
Browning leaves
and damp decay
I put my beds to sleep

Gassho

Heiso

StLahNice one Heiso! It's particularly warm here today, and the smell of our decaying garden beds is drifting through the house, so this resonated quite well with me. :)

Gassho,
Rob

-stlah-


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Heiso
11-11-2020, 05:32 PM
Oh thanks, Rob.

It's damp and squelchy here, quite cold with the smell of bonfires in the air.

Gassho

Heiso
StLah

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Jeff Naylor
11-20-2020, 09:07 AM
Its no fire, no touch.
c
o
l
d
light
gives
no
warmth, no love-
Only false reprieve.

Kokuu
11-21-2020, 03:26 PM
Two poems in issue 132 of hedgerow (https://hedgerowhaiku.com/2020/11/06/132-is-out/) journal:


late summer
I play Coltrane
on repeat


too soon for another prophet morning blackbird


Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday-

Seikan
11-21-2020, 03:51 PM
Two poems in issue 132 of hedgerow (https://hedgerowhaiku.com/2020/11/06/132-is-out/) journal:


late summer
I play Coltrane
on repeat


too soon for another prophet morning blackbird


Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday-


Congrats on the publication Kokuu! Those are such lovely Haiku. I particularly like the single line piece—well done! ;)

Gassho,
Rob

-stlah-


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Jundo
11-22-2020, 01:02 AM
Two poems in issue 132 of hedgerow (https://hedgerowhaiku.com/2020/11/06/132-is-out/) journal:


late summer
I play Coltrane
on repeat


too soon for another prophet morning blackbird


Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday-

Coltrane! [gassholook]

Congratulations.

Gassho, J

STLah

Kokuu
11-23-2020, 09:13 PM
I thought you might like that, Jundo! And thank you, Rob!

This one is for our new unsui, Kotei:

raven moon
a friend wears his robes
for the first time


Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday-

Kotei
11-24-2020, 11:34 AM
Thank you Kokuu.

Certain views of beautiful Japanese Gardens invoke a feeling of connectedness, of reaching somehow far beyond the surface.
Your Haiku, this one too, are doing the same to me.

Deep bows,
Kotei sat/lah today.


I thought you might like that, Jundo! And thank you, Rob!

This one is for our new unsui, Kotei:

raven moon
a friend wears his robes
for the first time


Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday-

Tai Shi
11-24-2020, 12:01 PM
Soft light
Heat in November
Snap of chill,

Days shorten,
In triangle
Of light.

Gassho
sat / lah
Tai Shi


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Tai Shi
11-24-2020, 12:05 PM
Coltrane's contribution
Never sought,
his not endured.

Gassho
sat
Lah
Tai Shi


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Tai Shi
12-28-2020, 04:00 AM
Friendship, move,
please move
poems to poetry.
I’m not sure
How to proceed.

Gassho
sat
Tai Shi


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PeaceMan
12-28-2020, 04:47 AM
Winter solstice

The longest night passed
While I sat by the fire
Learning to let go

Jon
Sat
gassho2

PeaceMan
12-29-2020, 03:45 AM
cold December day -
leaves crunching underfoot
prepare the way for spring

Jon
Sat

Tai Shi
12-30-2020, 01:16 PM
This December 30, 2020
I have lived out my last precept
I have given my life away to loved ones,
Gassho
sat/ lah
Tai Shi


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Tai Shi
01-02-2021, 01:13 AM
Shokai, I finally get it, cataract surgery; I've had both eyes, ah breathtaking when I could see again.
Gassho
sat/lah
Tai Shi

Tai Shi
01-02-2021, 01:21 AM
Two poems in issue 132 of hedgerow (https://hedgerowhaiku.com/2020/11/06/132-is-out/) journal:


late summer
I play Coltrane
on repeat


too soon for another prophet morning blackbird


Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday-
Thank you Kokuu for these Haiku.
Jazz, this is my least understood music. I listen to A Love Song Supreme by John Coltrane. Does a man have no right to pass up those passions? Yet, we do question. What if we just listen to the music?
Gassho
sat/lah

Tai Shi
01-02-2021, 02:30 AM
The flip-flop is necessary. Pain is neither think nor feeling; it just is requires special treatment of both breaking dual realizations; thus level 10 pain well handled in body with MS medications, feeling is thinking, feeling is thinking, thinking is feeling. This is not the poem, this is the poem, light is dark, dark is light there is no distinction. Autumn the time of year, the protagnist cannot see the moon because his neck bones are locked in place, spine at 50 degrees. Body slumps to the left, sometimes the protagnist just falls over. How would you suggest person might not coplain while judging reality? I see your complaint, so please address constructive criticism while now you know the reality. I suggest lines one foot step before the other-- how many poets have used the same lines of this poem? Nice alterations--I like it. See 12 step recovery throughout literature, "one step before the other." Ha I like the humor, "Fancy a sandwich." Sandwich a fancy. This is real poetry.
This is literary criticism; is it not poetry. Allow Jundo, no harm done, just observations from one who knows. This was my job for 48 years. I worked longer than most members were, are alive "pitty," what's the harm, what is Autumn, Spring, Winter, and All? Spring and Fall. "Marget why are you grieving/ for golden groves unleaving...?" GM Hopkins. "It is Margret who you grieve for." "Thinking shrinks the world" turns duality on its head. "Each day in Autumn, Silver Moon I cannot bend my head" Do you think this merits a look" More the black night enshouds my "face."


Gassho

sat// lah

Tai Shi
Calm Poetry
I can breath.

This is definitely
No Haiku
No calm night

Gassho
sat/lah

Jakuden
02-28-2021, 06:38 PM
melting snow
among decayed leaves
a crocus blossom

Gassho,
Jakuden
SatToday

Seikan
02-28-2021, 07:01 PM
melting snow
among decayed leaves
a crocus blossom

Gassho,
Jakuden
SatTodayLovely one Jakuden! And exactly the kind of image that we often need at this time of year. :)

gassho1

Gassho,
Seikan

-stlah-


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Jakuden
02-28-2021, 07:02 PM
Lovely one Jakuden! And exactly the kind of image that we often need at this time of year. :)

gassho1

Gassho,
Seikan

-stlah-


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gassho2

Kokuu
03-04-2021, 12:24 PM
night rain
in a whisky glass
the windswept moor

pluie nocturne
dans un verre ŕ whisky
la lande balayée par le vent


Gassho
Kokuu

Seikan
03-12-2021, 07:26 PM
night rain
in a whisky glass
the windswept moor




So, so good Kokuu! Such a great sense of atmosphere. :)

Gassho,
Seikan

-stlah-

Tai Shi
03-12-2021, 07:57 PM
Thunder, Storm rages.
Whisky glass tipped
To mouth in pain.

Gassho
sat/ lah
Tai Shi


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Tai Shi
03-12-2021, 08:01 PM
Been there
Done that in tears
Tree swept away.
In fear I stand alone.

Gassho
sat/ lah
Tai Shi


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Tai Shi
03-12-2021, 08:04 PM
Really good spring
She buys my food
At drive up restaurant.

Gassho
sat/ lah
Tai Shi


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Tai Shi
03-12-2021, 08:10 PM
One of the kind in winter,
She revealed her nieces
Making water into
Farm where grow beautiful
Flowers.

Gassho
sat/ lah
Tai Shi


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Heiso
03-17-2021, 07:54 PM
night rain
in a whisky glass
the windswept moor

pluie nocturne
dans un verre ŕ whisky
la lande balayée par le vent


Gassho
KokuuI can taste the peat.

Gassho,

Heiso

StLah

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Tai Shi
03-18-2021, 08:41 PM
Thank you for being Kokuu friend I never expected or experienced liked an oasis in my light. South Dakota is better for this light or American I thinks once more. Let’s me release myself in Zen minds beginning only now in spring.
Gassho
sat/ lah
Tai Shi


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Tai Shi
03-19-2021, 05:16 PM
Hi Jakuden. Some years back as a pretentious early arrival at Treeleaf, thinking I was helping you into poetry. Thank you for teaching me over the years. I hope to live my name, Calm Poetry.
Gassho
sat/ lah
Tai Shi

GrasshopperMan17
03-29-2021, 01:32 AM
A haiku I thought of after a session of zazen:

Sitting here, serene
On a warm spring afternoon
Crickets chirp outside

Gassho, John
ST/LAH

Kokuu
05-20-2021, 01:32 PM
her way
of praying...
wild violets

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/fe/66/07/fe66070ca3978888c41c6ecece132161.jpg

bluemountain
05-21-2021, 04:33 PM
birds become silent
through the green forest strikes
the temple bell

Gasshogassho2

Bernie

Sat

Kokuu
08-10-2021, 11:48 AM
four years
since I shaved my head
a clean stick of incense


Byōkan, Jakuden, Shoka and I ordained on this day four years ago.

Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday/lah-

Meian
08-10-2021, 06:04 PM
four years
since I shaved my head
a clean stick of incense


Byōkan, Jakuden, Shoka and I ordained on this day four years ago.

Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday/lah-Deep Bows

Gassho2, meian st lh

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Koushi
08-10-2021, 06:09 PM
four years
since I shaved my head
a clean stick of incense


Byōkan, Jakuden, Shoka and I ordained on this day four years ago.

Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday/lah-

gassho1

Gassho,
Koushi
ST

Heiso
08-10-2021, 07:17 PM
four years
since I shaved my head
a clean stick of incense


Byōkan, Jakuden, Shoka and I ordained on this day four years ago.

Gassho
Kokuu
-sattoday/lah-Congratulations and thank you for what you all do.

Gassho

Heiso
StLah

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Geika
08-10-2021, 10:33 PM
That was a good day! I couldn't ask for better Dharma siblings.

Gassho
Sat, lah

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_Jd_
09-14-2021, 06:17 PM
mind is like weather
hurricane blowing outside
must sit

~~~

Gassho
Jd

Sat today