PDA

View Full Version : My Cancer Ango - I - Rohatsu Begins



Jundo
12-02-2017, 12:54 PM
Dear Sangha and Friends,

A few weeks ago, I was diagnosed with esophogial cancer. The doctors are optimistic, but we really won't know for some more weeks. Surgery is in the cards, very serious surgery, and a good period of hospitalization and recovery. The extent of the cancer cannot truly be known until the surgery itself and, of course, if the lymph system is involved then it may be eventually fatal. Chemotherapy and/or radiation may be in the cards. I have no way of knowing at the moment. Some of the doctors feel that the tumor is in the stomach as it is right on the border, and that is also possibly life threatening. As I said, they are all optimistic, but nobody can give a straight answer when pressed.

I must report, however, that I am doing quite well with all of this. I am happy to tell everyone that these 30 years of Zen Practice really do seem to pay off when the Zen hits the fan. Oh, my little self with all its fears, midnight sweats, visions of the worst case scenarios and “what if's” sure does raise its little head from time to time, but I can rest content that the self wins only a small amount of the time, all things considered. Little self, with all his mess, soon returns to stillness. The rest of me is just floating along with all this news, letting things take their course. I am surprised how much peace and equanimity I have been able to find at the heart of these days, and during all the poking and prodding that the doctors engage in. It is actually a beautiful time in its way. There is the deathless, fearless here. There is Peace. This Beautiful Zen Way shows its treasure at times like this. This is the power of Just Sitting, even when that Just Sitting is in a hospital bed with just this.

In the coming weeks and months, I would like to bring you along on this journey as much as I can, as we experience together what this Zen Path is like when the going is tough.

No matter how this turns out with life or death, it will be going on for many weeks and months to come. I feel that it is truly an “Ango," a period of long Retreat in which I am made strong by Shikantaza, Master Dogen, the Heart Sutra, the presence of this beautiful Sangha and other Dharma Friends and all the rest. Where but RIGHT HERE! is our Practice more about “life and death the great matter, time swiftly passes by” than this? I am dealing with physical discomforts, putting the “little self” in its place, dropping off body and mind, wearing tied robes (hospital gowns at least. a lot of probing and prodding these past weeks), being fed a diet (liquid) not of my choosing, and I will stare at walls and ceilings for long hours contemplating how this world is like “A star at dawn, a bubble in a stream, a flash of lightening, a flickering lamp, a phantom, a dream.”

Let's Go!

Happy Rohatsu Everyone, Buddha's Season of Enlightenment under the Bodhi Tree.



https://youtu.be/rmW542tO_G8

Gassho, Jundo
SatTodayLAH

(PS - AND GET YOURSELF CHECKED!)

Seishin
12-02-2017, 01:09 PM
Thank you Jundo for an inspirational "lesson" I am certain I would not be coping so well in such circumstance, being only a few yards down this path. Whatever happens, I'll be walking alongside you and sitting for all those facing such uncertainty.

Deep bows.

SZIZTM / L

Tairin
12-02-2017, 02:17 PM
gassho2

Gassho
Warren
Sat today

Bokusei
12-02-2017, 02:39 PM
Deep bows and metta to you and your family.

Gassho
Bokusei

sat today

Meitou
12-02-2017, 02:50 PM
Thank you for this inspiring talk Jundo, I mentioned elsewhere here that I happened to be online and catch this live, I feel so privileged to be sharing this Ango and this journey with you.
Deep bows
Frankie
Satwithyoualltoday /lah

Meishin
12-02-2017, 03:17 PM
Thank you for sharing this, Jundo. As many others have said, as you travel this road we will be with you and your family in our hearts.

Gassho
Meishin
Sat Today LAH

Shingen
12-02-2017, 03:22 PM
Thank you Jundo,

In sickness or in health, in sunny days or stormy ones, you always have such jewels to teach us! gassho2

Deep bows
Shingen

Sat/LAH

Troy
12-02-2017, 03:37 PM
Thank you Jundo


Sat2day

Onkai
12-02-2017, 03:37 PM
Thank you, Jundo. gassho1

Gassho,
Onkai
Sat/LAH

Washin
12-02-2017, 03:47 PM
I too happened to be online and watched it live.
Thank you, Jundo.
Deep bows gassho2

Gassho
Washin
sat today

Shugen
12-02-2017, 04:00 PM
Sun faced Buddha, Moon faced Buddha.

Deep bows and much respect,

Shugen

Sattoday/LAH

Eishuu
12-02-2017, 04:30 PM
Thank you Jundo. With you every step of this journey. Grateful to be part of this Sangha family. gassho2

Gassho
Lucy
ST/LAH

Shinshi
12-02-2017, 04:57 PM
Thank you for sharing and continuing to inspire. Metta to you and your family.

Gassho, Allan
SaT

Nenka
12-02-2017, 05:03 PM
May you be healthy, and at ease in all your ills.
May you be at peace, embracing all conditions of life. . .

Be well. We are with you.

Gassho,

Jen

ST

Kyousui
12-02-2017, 05:20 PM
Jundo Roshi, I echo Nenka's digital words.

pat mackenzie
12-02-2017, 05:26 PM
Such a heartbreaking joy to see your video this morning. I am very grateful that you have chosen to be public with your journey with cancer. As you wished, it has helped me. Since early fall I have also been sitting in hospital beds, doctors offices, and in my own bed wrestling and losing this "Ango".....most of the time in anger, regret, sorrow, disgust...all of the "this is not what is supposed to happen" demons. My "Ango" hasn't looked like anyone else's that I have seen on this site:))) so thank-you for your frank, from the heart, no BS conversation.
May you be in all ways, well and happy and free from enmity, disease and grief and may happiness be your guard.
Gassho,
Pat

Jinyo
12-02-2017, 07:05 PM
May you be blessed under your Bodhi tree,

thank you for sharing,

[gassholook]

Willow

sat today

Kokuu
12-02-2017, 07:13 PM
Hi Pat

There are so many Angos here that have gone 'off-track' and not quite panned out as expected. Everyone's Ango looks different for better or for worse, and it sounds as if you have had a lot to deal with.

With all good wishes to you
Gassho
Kokuu

Souchi
12-02-2017, 08:33 PM
Thank you, Jundo gassho2 You are very inspirational and this IS your Ango no matter what anyone else says.

Gassho,
Stefan

SatToday

Jakuden
12-02-2017, 09:49 PM
Jundo Roshi, if there were ever an Ango or a teaching, it is this. [emoji174][emoji304][emoji120]

Gassho
Jakuden
SatToday/LAH


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Kokuu
12-02-2017, 10:14 PM
Thank you, dear Jundo.

Many deep bows to you and your family
Kokuu
-sattoday/lah-

Theophan
12-03-2017, 01:33 AM
Jundo, you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Metta to you and your family.

Gassho
Theophan
Sattoday/LAH

Hoko
12-03-2017, 04:10 AM
I'm a little torn up after watching this but it's an honor to share the experience with you, Jundo.
Thank you for reminding us that every day is a good day.
I will sit for you and your family tonight.
Much Metta and deep bows.
Gassho,
Hōkō
#SatToday
LAH

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk

kirkmc
12-03-2017, 10:06 AM
Jundo,

Gassho. I will be thinking of you often. I look forward to many more years of your teaching.

Kirk

Kyonin
12-03-2017, 12:05 PM
Thank you Jundo.

All my practice these days will be for you.

Gassho,

Kyonin

broahes
12-03-2017, 06:10 PM
Jundo,

Thank you for your practice.

Gassho,
Brooks
Sat Today

Cooperix
12-03-2017, 06:42 PM
Jundo,

Deeply, deeply moving. Thank you for generously sharing this incredible life event with us.

gassho,
Anne

~st~

jgotthart
12-03-2017, 07:44 PM
Thank you for sharing this Jundo. I wish you well, and I hope everything goes smoothly.

Gassho,
John
Sat today

Shoki
12-04-2017, 02:17 AM
Jundo,
Thank you for this teaching. I'm sitting with and for you from here on.

Gassho,
Sat Today LAH
James

Shokai
12-04-2017, 07:11 PM
I just watched this video again today and was reminded of what happened to me four years ago. I was diagnosed with a basal layer carcinoma in my left ear; because the basal layer has a very sparse, if any, blood supply it is considered to be benign. However, it did mean my wife, Lillian, and I were introduced to the Cancer Clinic in London. At the clinic you hear directly from the experts and, learn about and see cancer in a very intimate and different way.
As I look back at those first visits I am grateful that Lillian and I experienced what we did for in a way it prepared us for the tougher road we arrived at only three months later. In late January it was discovered that Lillian had a malignant sarcoma growing in her heart and after it was removed we found it had regrown outside her heart and was intruding on the space that vital veins, arteries and pulmonary structures require to sustain life. It was at this point that I became very aware of how my background as a Funeral Director and 20 years of zen practice were to help both of us through this ordeal.
Jundo is right in making his Cancer Ango public. There is so much we all can learn from the process. Cancer is just another disease and should not be any more scary than Heart Failure or Pneumonia; which by the way can also kill you. The more you learn the less you fear. Death should not be a fear. Once you realize death is a part of life, it is less feared; more and more as you approach it, moment by moment, day by day.
Thank you Jundo for this valuable teaching, I look forward to the journey with you.


deep bows in gassho, Shokai

Jishin
12-05-2017, 12:48 PM
Death is just sleep. Some people get more tired on any given day and go to sleep early. Some people have narcolepsy and go to sleep fast. Some go to sleep at roughly the right time. Some are insomniacs for no good reason but eventually go to sleep. Some canít go to sleep because of anxiety. Yet we all go to sleep. Itís the most natural thing about being awake. What is awake must sleep. Otherwise there would be no sleep. Itís all good. Itís just sleep.

My half awake and half sleepy self 2 cents.

Gasho, Jishin, _/st\_

Seishin
12-05-2017, 01:39 PM
4845


stmiz

Shinzan
12-06-2017, 12:55 AM
Dear Jundo, thank you for allowing us and me to support you and your family thru whatever comes now, thru all the not-knowing.
Many embraces, many bows.

Shinzan
Reno

sattoday

Joyo
12-06-2017, 05:29 PM
Thank you for sharing this with us, Jundo.

I think of you every day. Sendingpeace and equanimity to you and your family.

Gassho,
Joyo
sat today/lah

Tenrai
12-08-2017, 11:30 AM
Thank You for sharing this
I am in total agreement that sharing this will be of benefit to others. Not easy for you to share this intimacy, nor is it easy to watch, but this is this life....exactly this.

Gassho
Richard
SAT/LAH

Byokan
12-08-2017, 09:31 PM
Here with you, dear Jundo.

Deep bows
and hugs and tea
Byōkan
sat + lah

Tai Shi
12-11-2017, 01:52 PM
I AM with you friend, and teacher, I sit with you, others with you, as I see this video.

Taishi
Gassho
sat today
_/|\_

Margherita
12-13-2017, 12:43 PM
Jundo, I am very saddened to read about your illness.
I wish you all the best,
Gassho. gassho2

Mags

Sat today.

Jyukatsu
12-13-2017, 04:01 PM
Dear Jundo,
This is very sad news to hear after my absence. Some of the stuff I have been dealing with is my brother and brother in laws cancer. I have been sitting for them and will be sitting for you......sending love and best wishes for your recovery.
Gassho,
Jyķkatsu