It's the end of finals week, thankfully. It's a week filled with tension and anxiety, and not just for the students. Us professors are burdened with all the grading that's required, and we are a target of a lot of that student tension and anxiety. It's been non-stop for me all week, and I finally hit the wall today, but I was able to do so safely, thanks to my practice.
I tend to become a steamroller sometimes. I must get all this done, I must, I MUST! And then I start plowing through it to the point where all I can think of is the finish line, the "I must get done" as a sort of finish line dogma. Well, I was able to catch myself today. I realized that the finish line as dogma is a delusion. Yes, it does need to get done, but the reality is I only need to get it done over the next few days, not now necessarily.
The reason for this post, though, is the ironic escape to this finish line dogma that I think many of us suffer from in various personal versions. By carefully being aware I realized that now is not the finish line. Now is just that, now, the Holy Now, the present. The finish line is that unknown delusional future as demon eating up the potentially wonderful now. The finish line is not a must right now, the finish line is later. But that finish line will totally eat up the Holy Now if I let it.
And so I took a break after meeting the minimum demands of the day. I sat outside and experienced the spring breeze. I listened to music. I spent some time here at Treeleaf. I found a now free of dogma. I hope you are able to do the same the next time you find yourself facing finish line dogma.