A little background, since I'm still new. I'm on quite a few medications, and one of them I have to take every day because if I go off of it cold turkey, I'll run the risk of seizures and getting back on it would require going back to the lowest dose and working back up because a deadly rash can develop if you just jump back up to the dosage I'm on.

I went to the pharmacy to get my medications refilled and was told my insurance was cancelled. Immediate panic attack. Fear the likes of which I've never experienced before, and believe me I've been through some HEAVY stuff. Most of the fear had to do with that heavy stuff coming back, having to go through it again, it being worse this time, destroying everything this time. END OF THE WORLD. I jump there pretty quickly.

So; once I got settled home, in my "safe place", with my safety plan people on full alert (all of this has to be done FIRST, and quickly), I tried to figure out what I could do to help "fix this", deal with it. I had no way to control the situation, there was nothing I could do over the holiday weekend. I could not "fix it".

What do I keep hearing? "Just sit". Not easy. But I also keep hearing "Even bad Zen is good Zen". See the sky. Couldn't really do that because of one massive thunder-head, but I hear the sky is still there..and it seems sensible that the thunder-head couldn't even be possible if there was no sky for it to be in, so was willing to keep the idea that this could be true. Keep sitting. Was I doing it right or wrong? Didn't matter. Posture, being "perfect"? Didn't matter. Nothing seemed to matter but doing what I was doing. What was I doing? Just sitting with it. Right then. I couldn't even think about it that much because it was so huge and overwhelming. I'm not going to say the thunder-head went away because it didn't really, but it wasn't so strong because it was all based on "what ifs" and not now. Now was only sitting. It sort of went from END OF THE WORLD, to "here I am, and this looks nothing like the end of the world" so the end of the world isn't actually happening. What's happening is sitting. That was all I needed to be doing since I couldn't do much else, and the other stuff didn't float away, but it loosened up.

As it turned out, it was a computer glitch and things are fine.

So, now questions. Is this what is meant by "just sitting"? Do the stuff that Zen doesn't fix, like make the call at the first opportunity this morning and get it actually fixed or at least get the ball rolling in that direction and make sure that I'm physically safe until I could do that, but until I could do that, sit with it? I mean, my grip on this situation being the most horrible thing that could ever happen loosened up a little bit by sitting, so is it possible that I might not react the same way should other, lesser things, come up? That the ideas of doing things "right or wrong" loosened up a bit as well and that I might not "need" those ideas, is that also part of "just sitting"?

Any insight or feedback would be greatly appreciated. I'm more used to the mindfulness way of going about meditation...and that (no disrespect meant to the mindfulness techniques) isn't all that helpful to me in my own experience (which is why I went looking for something else and ended up here ). Looking into the causes, etc, often causes me to get more worked up because I'm focusing on it and kind of "feeding it", thoughts leading to thoughts leading to thoughts, and I think too much as it is.