I am as mean-spirited as anyone. I take pleasure in seeing people I don't like, even for petty reasons, be brought down and suffer.
I am as judgmental as anyone. I am constantly finding new ways to hold disdain for people. I go around with a simmering rage looking for a target. Some of this comes from having to take unfair crap off of people more powerful than me, but a lot of it comes from a feeling of being entitled to something better.
I constantly go around with Machiavellian plots in my head about how to advance myself. Many of these fail because I am not as smart as I think I am.
I spend an embarrassing amount of time thinking of ways I could indulge myself.
When I find myself alone or having suffered some embarrassing defeat, I rarely look to my own shortcomings. Instead, I blame someone else, politics, or even Fate. I like to think of myself as unlucky even though I've walked right into many good situations that only came my way due to chance.
I am an expert at judging others. Especially people not as humble and well-meaning as me, even as I go around with my delusions of grandeur and hateful ill-wishes.
And I construct an elaborate identity to avoid facing the simple needs in my life I don't seem to know how to meet.