I'd like to discuss compassion for a bit if everyone doesn't mind. I placed this topic in the "Zazen, Zen, ..." and not the All Life thread because, well it's both and I always post in the All Life thread... I believe compassion lies somewhere around the lungs of our practice, being that Zazen is the heart of it, and really they are the same thing. It's all practice and what not...
I have a problem with Compassion, not in the sense that I think there is something wrong with it. There is more likely something "wrong" with me. Yes, yes, I know there is nothing wrong and there is no me... Now that we got that out of the way.
I actually find myself to be a very compassionate person, in regards to the wife, the kid, the immediate family and so on...
I also find myself to be quite compassionate, in my modest opinion towards the general populace. I try to stay informed on Social Issues and injustices and make modest attempts and doing what I can in my community, blah blah blah... I generally make an attempt, every day I try. I think that is very important. I really try to be courteous and polite in social situations, smile, say good morning, etc. It's the little things that count.
But this is the problem. Co-workers and acquaintances generally feel my wrath. I have little to no compassion, sympathy, empathy with/for them, and when I recognize that I am behaving like this, like an absolute asshole, I do attempt to take a step back. I try to analyze each person and situation and try to develop some sort of compassion for them and their situation. Let's just say it never lasts long.
And upon further examination I also tend to have very little compassion for myself. I am my hardest and most extreme critic. I beat myself up like I beat them up, for the littlest infraction. If most of you met me in my work environment, I promise you wouldn't like me much.
So, does anyone else find themselves doing this same thing. Having a lack of compassion for the ones that are near you daily, even friends? Am I alone as the harsh asshole? Just wanted to hear/read peoples thoughts on the subject of daily compassion, we don't specifically talk about it enough I don't think. I am using the word "we" in the worldly sense, not in the "treeleaf" sense so to speak. Or maybe I just mean "I" don't talk about it enough. Anyway.
It's all good practice, right.
Thanks for reading and have a wonderful day.