The idea of acceptance without acceptance is pretty well accepted around here, but I think I have something of similar structure but different substance. It is finals time here at the university, so I am spending a great deal of time grading papers and tests. This is a difficult process because they have not done well, at least not as well as I would want, and so I (and certainly to some extent them) have suffered from it. You see, I want them to do well, but when that becomes a craving desire I suffer from it, so I have been trying to want them to do well without craving it, thus wanting without wanting. But this is really troublesome for a variety of reasons.
Tanha is craving desire, the kind that we traditionally see as causing suffering. Chandha is the desire to do good, the kind of desire the Buddha had and that we aspire to. Wanting without wanting seems mixed between the two. I want to do good for them and by them (chandha) so that they are then able to do well on tests and papers. When they don't do well, I have to question how well I did for them and by them, so to some extent (because I recognize that I cannot correct inherent lack of intelligence or poor prior training) I don't meet my own expectations or my expectations of them (tanha). Thus a double whammy of suffering from expectations (tanha), all from what feels like a desire to do good (chandha).
The result, as I said above, is I am trying to develop this wanting without wanting mindset. This mindset seems a little (or maybe a lot) like roshin, parental mind, where I want to do well for "my kids" but at the same time I have to detach myself from their results a bit. The problem is balancing that detachment. I certainly don't want to be completely detached, yet attachment is what causes the suffering in the first place.
Maybe similar examples?