First and foremost, I take refuge in the Buddha, Dharma, and
Sangha. Here is where I take refuge because I feel safe enough here to vent, to make public what has been a nagging private concern for some time: balancing self-care with other demands so as to maximize both. I think this is a little more raw than its usual denial state because both work is harder lately (new boss/sheriff in town) and awareness is higher with Ango, so I boiled over here yesterday.
Secondly, that venting really felt good! To just let loose emotionally and feel that it was OK to do so here because I take refuge here felt really good. The content of that rant was momentarily emotionally right on target. When upset for the moment, be upset for the moment. And then the moment passes and life changes again.
Third, let's get down to some substance. Here is my problem with "when working work, and when watching TV watch TV." Plainly said like that is it too easy to just watch TV, and thus the complacency I warned of. Better is what Bernie Glassman calls the One Body where we act out of non-separation with whatever is going on with our lives, doing whatever needs to be done in any given situation. So watching TV while the house is burning (to be overly dramatic) is not the time to watch TV. Put more directly relating to my experience, watching TV when there is work to be done (and I am capable of doing it) is not the time to watch TV. Uchiyama talks about the same thing in his story about a bird keeping its eggs warm, always knowing when the right time to turn them so they stay evenly warm and can hatch safely. But all the bird is doing is acting as One Body and cooling her stomach when it gets too warm because her eggs are getting too warm. It's prajna wisdom in action.
Here's a quote from Bernie Glassman's The Infinite Circle:
Realizing the One Body simply means that you no longer sit around trying to figure out how to deal with the problem. You act; you do something! There are no utopias, When we are enlightened, we accept samsara as it is and function directly in samsara. This is nirvana. There is no nirvana other than this.
BG's timing is amazing, because I read that last night after my rant here. Later on in my reading last night he said:
No separation does not mean no suffering; it does mean no complaining. And in fact, isn't most of what we mean by suffering nothing more than complaining, or taking things personally or egocentrically?
I am guilty as charged!
One more Bernie quote:
Problems and crises create anger and frustration; get rid of the self and they are seen as challenges. Determination emerges and you meet the challenges as best you can.
So I am left with the challenge to do the best I can from a place of non-separation with my work and self-care tasks. Do I turn my eggs or keep my stomach cool? Do I watch TV or get my work done? Yes to all in the appropriate time and place. Figuring all that out is my practice, as Jundo said, my zazen off the cushion. I accept that I need to dig in to this challenge with determination instead of complaining about it, that I need to surf it to the best of my ability, recognizing that my ability to surf will increase with practice.
Finally, Rich your assurance that it was OK was wonderful. Thank you very much for that.
Jundo, your comment that the screaming boss was Kannon really hit hard. Thank you for that.
Atomic Spud, I picked on your comments above but I know the spirit in which they were given, so thank you for that.