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Thread: Hard times...mentally

  1. #1

    Hard times...mentally

    Hello everyone,

    I first want to apologize for not writing for some time, but I've had some difficulty in my life recently. I seem to have a problem letting go of my judging ways. I haven't been able to release my ego and I find myself being the same old opinionated self (no self). I cannot seem to "let go" of these feelings and thoughts of comparing myself to others; instead of focusing on the good things that others offer. I seem to judge them by thinking that they are not following a life that I believe is the "right" way to act towards our fellow sentient beings. Moreover, this is not a productive way to live, so why am I viewing faults in others, when I should be looking at my own thoughts and actions? Now, I know that I shouldn't worry about how others live and I should live a life filled with compassion for all things, but these thoughts just jump into my head before I can stop them. I've been having a really hard time with this lately. It seems to be running my life right now, and I just want it to stop. I've never have had "holier than thou" feelings before, and I'm not sure that I'm experiencing that now, but I do feel like I'm losing the path a little bit. In addition, my zazen is suffering because of these negative thoughts. When I sit (few and far between lately) I cannot seem to just slow down and just BE. I would appreciate any advice or maybe some reassuring words that will help me better understand what I'm experiencing. Thank you.

    Gassho,

    Adam

  2. #2
    Blue Mountain White Clouds Hermitage Priest Taigu's Avatar
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    Re: Hard times...mentally

    Hi Adam,


    Thank you for sharing your confusion with us.

    but these thoughts just jump into my head before I can stop them. I've been having a really hard time with this lately.
    All thoughts are like that, and we are not supposed to stop them but let them go. The mind is a constant stream of thoughts popping up like countless bubbles. And it is okay. The fact you are getting aware of your judgemental nature, aren't we all?, is a good sign to me. You are getting aware of how deluded you are. Zen practice has nothing to do with being perfect, the idea we have of being perfect, but being clear about reality. I suppose that a good remedy would be Metta or tonglen, daily. Everytime you sit you could offer, dedicate your sitting to all sentient beings.

    You may also see the very shadow of yourself in others, that could be the reason why you dislike what you see. You don't dislike them, you dislike what they mirror back. Be kind to yourself, have a walk, go and have fun with friends, appreciate your breath and the fact both that your feet are on the ground. And everytime you hear the voice of judging, thank the voice for being with you and come back to what you are doing. Take it easy. You don't have to become a Buddha, you are already one.

    take care and enjoy this life

    gassho


    taigu

  3. #3

    Re: Hard times...mentally

    Thank you for this.

    mandy

  4. #4
    Senior Member AlanLa's Avatar
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    Re: Hard times...mentally

    Taigu said it all already, but here are my two cents.
    Penny #1: Awareness is the first step towards growth, so just that fact that you are aware of all this is a sign of growth, at least it is to me, and some day I expect you will see that also.
    Penny #2: I strongly believe it is the difficulty of things that makes them important, so the fact that you are struggling with this means it is important. A corollary of this is that the depth of your difficulty is in direct proportion to how meaningful it is for you to (non)work through this, and the benefit of (non)working through it will be just as great, if not greater, than the difficulty.

    Many bows for your struggles...

  5. #5
    Senior Member KellyRok's Avatar
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    Re: Hard times...mentally

    Hello all,

    Adam, I'm sorry to hear that you are having difficulties right now. Please know that we are all guilty of judging and the 'holier than thou' attitude from time to time. Don't beat yourself up about it, just keep on acknowledging it and move on. I think the suggestion to keep up with a metta practice will help tremendously - I know it makes a world of difference for me if I'm in a not so pleasant frame of mind. And know that we are all here practicing with you...and practicing...and practicing.

    Gassho,
    Kelly (Jinmei)

  6. #6
    Treeleaf Unsui Dosho's Avatar
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    Re: Hard times...mentally

    Hey Adam,

    You sound like you are right on the path and only need to let it go...as if it were that easy! Working (and not working) at the letting go is the whole thing so keep practicing. I often compare my practice (and the inner workings of my mind) as a large room, half of which is filled with boxes. It looks neat and tidy but inside the boxes are countless bits of knowledge, information, emotion....and as you unpack those boxes the room looks much worse than it did before. It just takes time and learning how not to engage things like judgments is very difficult. Being aware of it is huge though; just trust yourself.

    Gassho,
    Dosho

  7. #7
    OkieTao
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    Re: Hard times...mentally

    Have you ever wondered why it was that the people you are judging act the way they do? I think it's a lot easier to be mad at other people's behavior than it is to try to understand it. I'm not saying that understanding means we should excuse others behavior, especially if it's harmful to others, but it does make it a lot easier to generate empathy.

    Is there anything specific you are miffed about, or is just in general?

  8. #8

    Re: Hard times...mentally

    Hello everyone,

    Thanks to all of you that have replied so far. I feel a lot better about my mental state, and I'm starting to realize that I shouldn't be down on myself because, hey, I'm only human. To be more specific about these thoughts, let me give some examples. I work about 17 miles away from where I live and most of the driving is on the highway. Often times, I'll be cutoff in traffic by people that don't seem to care about anything except where they are headed. The first thought I have is, "jerk," but this shouldn't be the case. I should just let it go and understand that I cannot know what the other driver is experiencing. Maybe he/she is late for work and just being careless, or maybe there's an emergency, causing them to drive in such a way. I don't really know the situation, so I can't automatically assume that the other driver is just being a jerk. And even if he/she is, why should something so small upset me? It didn't cause me physical harm, and nothing happened because of the incident (except for some sudden braking), so I should just smile and go on with my drive. In addition, I work for a large insurance company. The environment I work in promotes selfishness for career, money, and overall standing within the ranks, so it's hard not to become part of the "machine." I like to just be friendly with people and not worry too much about the day-to-day concerns that we all have, but sometimes I feel trapped in a negative world. Everyone knows of the herd mentality, where if one person starts voicing their grievances, then most, if not all, will join in to second the cry. With all these negative thoughts and speech around me, I feel very exhausted by the end of the day, and it seems easier to just join in, at times. I am trying to be the one in the group that doesn't join in, or that makes a positive counterpoint that someone hasn't thought of. Sometimes things are just "bad," so I need to learn that I can't change everything, and just accept things they way that they are. Like Jundo says, "everything is perfectly what it is." Thanks again to all of you that have answered me so far, and I hope I've given a little more detail about what I'm experiencing.

    Gassho,

    Adam

  9. #9

    Re: Hard times...mentally

    my quick $0.02....

    remember that all the "jerks" are probably suffering in a similar fashion as yourself - many more so - whether they realize it or not...

    the simple fact that you're deeply concerned about these mental/emotional states is a huge plus - many are not, yet they continue to suffer...

    by staying clear, acknowledging the thoughts, feelings, etc, yet not acting on them, you set an example and contribute (more than you know) to "benefiting all beings"...

    (i think i've kinda reiterated some of what's already been said....oh well)

    ultimately, some times you gotta say (in parlance of our times), "who gives a shit?...fuck it."

    oh yeah, and remember... when you're stewing about others "faults" or "shortcomings", it's hurting you a lot more than anyone else.

    -tim

  10. #10
    Senior Member AlanLa's Avatar
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    Re: Hard times...mentally

    Adam, thank you for the bigger picture. One of the ways burnout happens is when a person is in a job or environment, or both, that conflicts with his/her values. The job requires and/or your are surrounded by behavior that contradicts the values you believe in. This happened to me once and it was terrible, horrible, probably similar to what you are going through now, truly dark days. You need to find your way out. I quit that job and chose to suffer the poverty of unemployment rather than do something so contrary to my values, but, I repeat, you need to find your own way. The way you find is the growth you will find as a result of this awareness, be it by keeping that job and finding a way to cope with it or moving on. Growth can be painful; I was days away from being homeless and penniless when I left that job, desperate yet secure I had done the right thing. I know now that it was just a step on the Path to where I am now, but at the time it was a step off a 100 foot pole.

  11. #11

    Re: Hard times...mentally

    I think daily zazen is the way to go. It will help you recognize and deal properly with your own "thought garbage"©. I've been having problems like yours more than normal lately and I couldn't imagine how rough it would be without zazen. I've been doing daily zazen for 5 and a half months now and I don't think I can honestly stop. I didn't feel as well for those few days I've skipped. Maybe it was all in my head :P. It's clear that your working on your perspective, zazen is a way to polish it. Approach with true grit.

    Cam

  12. #12
    Blue Mountain White Clouds Hermitage Priest Taigu's Avatar
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    Re: Hard times...mentally

    Adam, thank you for your post. Suffering has one juicy side to it: we like it, it is comforting and we like to go on and on about the same old thing. It provides us with a very tasty sense of identity. At the same time, it is a poisoning thing to feed. Vicious circle. You just have to break the pattern. Practice is what breaks the pattern and cuts the habit. Practice. Just practice. So my advice is practice, practice, practice. Attention, attention, attention. And repeat. Repeat. Of course you may take others and yourself less seriously, but it boils down to p.......


    So...

    have a good one and r..... p....... endlessly...

    gassho



    Taigu

  13. #13
    Senior Member bayamo's Avatar
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    Re: Hard times...mentally

    just try your best.. no one can really ask for more
    gassho

  14. #14

    Re: Hard times...mentally

    Hi , and thanks for sharing this. I think I have been in a similar frame of mind...

    Consider trying this when driving:
    If we are all one, not two, then that person who just cut you off is, well... you. I suspect that this is rather ridiculous (and you may find it so) but I find it useful to mentally switch the language in my head around. “You” becomes “I” and the reverse... When someone is foolish on the road around me (i.e. constantly) I say to myself “why am I doing this silly thing” or “my, I must be desperate and unaware”. Really I am sure this is in essence the same thing that you are doing, but the change in mental language usually makes me smile and keep my foot off of the accelerator.

    Also please beware of “should”. One does or thinks something or one does not –“ should” is judgment and may hurt you. Perhaps it would be best to think “next time I will...”

    Final thing; I struggle with that herd mentality thing from time to time also, and I am always deeply disappointed in myself when I get sucked in to it (over and over and over). The thing is done though, and I will try to be better prepared the inevitable next time. What hurts me is hanging on to it. So... I sit. I am very inept but I at least intend to drop all likes and dislikes. It helps. Metta is also fabulous – remember it starts with yourself.

    Wow, long winded and preachy - sorry, I'll have to watch that.

    Mark

  15. #15
    disastermouse
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    Re: Hard times...mentally

    I don't mean to be a Byron Katie cheerleader, but...
    http://www.thework.com/thework.asp#top

  16. #16
    Blue Mountain White Clouds Hermitage Priest Taigu's Avatar
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    Re: Hard times...mentally

    Yes Chet, excellent pointing.

    gassho


    Taigu

  17. #17

    Re: Hard times...mentally

    About being judgmental and holier-than-thou, I've found that I've gotten noticeably better about that (Lord knows I needed to) ever since I decided to stop expressing problems I had with people to third parties. Eventually, outward behavior gets internalized...at least, that's how its seemed for me so far.

    But, just to repeat what everyone else said, you're like Socrates who realized that his only wisdom was knowing his own foolishness--the fact that you're aware of it is a *huge* step in the right direction!

  18. #18

    Re: Hard times...mentally

    Hey Adam,

    Hang in there. These things come and they go. The damage occurs when we allow them to stick around too long. There is no bad zazen, just zazen. Allow your zazen to act as a front door and to let the new experiences in and let the old experiences out.

    I'm sure this is true for everyone here, but just in case, if you need anyone to talk to or to sit with, just drop me a line.

    Warm Regards,
    Brian

  19. #19

    Re: Hard times...mentally

    Thank you everyone who has replied to this post; I really appreciate it. I sat zazen today for the first time in a couple weeks, and I cannot believe I ever stopped. As soon as my butt hit the cushion, I felt good. It felt like coming home...so that is my answer: keep sitting. Thanks again for everyone in the Sangha!

    Gassho,

    Adam

  20. #20
    Treeleaf Unsui Dosho's Avatar
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    Re: Hard times...mentally

    Hey Adam,

    That's great that you are sitting again and I know it can feel good, but remember that dropping the "good" part is just as important as working through the "bad" part.

    Gassho,
    Dosho

  21. #21

    Re: Hard times...mentally

    Hello everyone,

    Is it okay to point out someone's faults if it to protect another? For example, if someone is in an abusive relationship, can we point out the fault of the abuser to save the abused?

    Gassho,

    Adam

  22. #22
    disastermouse
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    Re: Hard times...mentally

    Quote Originally Posted by Adam
    Hello everyone,

    Is it okay to point out someone's faults if it to protect another? For example, if someone is in an abusive relationship, can we point out the fault of the abuser to save the abused?

    Gassho,

    Adam
    Wow...you're trying so hard, aren't you Adam? You're bound and determined to hold on to judgment. Why is this? You seem to desperately want your judgment to serve some purpose.

    Chet

  23. #23

    Re: Hard times...mentally

    Quote Originally Posted by disastermouse
    Wow...you're trying so hard, aren't you Adam? You're bound and determined to hold on to judgment. Why is this? You seem to desperately want your judgment to serve some purpose.
    Hello Chet,

    I'm actually not trying to hold on to anything. I'm just trying to understand some of the precepts. I understand letting go of all judgements and thoughts of "good" and "bad," but aren't there times when we should be the voice of the voiceless? I mean if someone we love is having a hard time in life, I believe it's our duty to try and help that person. I'm not saying to judge everyone that crosses our path; just asking a simple question. We shouldn't just stand by and allow for our loved ones to be abused. That was the basis of my question. As discussed above, I am finding it hard to withhold my judgements, at times, but I am trying. I'm new on the path, and I'm not even close to figuring things out, but I feel that it was a valid question that I asked. I'm not using the "judgement" to show faults in others and praise myself. I'm only asking about showing compassion for a loved one and trying to help them. Maybe my question was worded poorly, and I hope I've explained it a little better in this reply.

    Gassho,

    Adam

  24. #24

    Re: Hard times...mentally

    Quote Originally Posted by Adam
    Hello everyone,

    Is it okay to point out someone's faults if it to protect another? For example, if someone is in an abusive relationship, can we point out the fault of the abuser to save the abused?

    Gassho,

    Adam
    Hi Adam,

    A lot of the Precepts are really just common wise advise, like your mother might tell you. So, of course, it is okay to criticize someone or something if for a constructive purpose, in a helpful way. Of course.

    If you are doing it to attack the other person, make your ego feel or look good in comparison, just be mean, out of jealousy ... that is not good, constructive criticism. That is about your ego, you self.

    On the other hand, if you offer helpful, concerned criticism out of Compassion, a desire to avoid harm to someone ... well, that lets your ego out of the equation, and is for the benefit of the other person.

    I would also say the manner in which the message is delivered is important ... do so in an effective yet helpful way, not in a way that makes greater harm (you sometimes need to deliver bitter medicine straight and direct, sometimes better in a bit of sugar like in the old song).

    If you are offering criticism to help the person avoid an abusive relationship, and not to help yourself (in fact, at some risk to your self), then that is good. If you are delivering the message in an effective way that is more helpful than harmful, that is good.

    Do you agree Chet?

    I understand letting go of all judgements and thoughts of "good" and "bad,"
    I like to say that, so long as we are alive, we need judgments, thoughts of good and bad ... otherwise, we would walk off a cliff each day. So, it is more accurate to say that, in Buddhist Practice, we completely drop all judgments, thoughts of good and bad on one level ... while keep them (although without excess clutching, without attachment) on another level ... like two sides of a single coin.

    One one level, we drop all thought from mind of "chocolate" and "lemons". On the other, we like chocolate, not lemons and choose chocolate.

    But then, if life hands you lemons ... have the bitter lemons even with the bitterness, accept what life hands you (and try to make lemon aide! Like I said ... some of this is like your mother might tell you!)

    Gassho, Jundo

  25. #25

    Re: Hard times...mentally

    Jundo,

    Thank you so much for answering this thread. I am trying to let go of judging others because it's not constructive to myself or the person being judged, so there is no need for it. However, I do think that if the intention is to help another person escape a difficult (or possible dangerous) situation, that judgement is needed. Maybe I'm using the word "judgement" in too broad a way, so I can understand why some would misunderstand my post. I do agree with Chet, in that I think that we suffer, holding on to these feelings, but I think that my post was read in a different way than I intended. I meant that helping someone see other perspectives of the situation that they are in may help them live a better life, i.e. escaping that abusive relationship. I appreciate the response, and the guiding words, Jundo.

    Gassho,

    Adam

  26. #26
    disastermouse
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    Re: Hard times...mentally

    I agree with both of you. I think the reason for the confusion has to do with the fact that using discernment in the service of others seems to be the astoundingly obvious thing to do.

    I think that trying to conform behaviour to morals is counterproductive if one's view has not already been tranformed and clarified.

    Hence, clarify your view and right action will flow. Then you can use the precepts as a guide to reflect your own misunderstanding. If you break a precept or good general rule for a truly correct reason, there will be little anxiety if your view is clear. Similarly, following the letter of the precepts in a harmful way will cause anxiety, even if repressed.

    Hence, one would only ask the questions the OP is asking if one was trying to formulate philosophically correct rules. We don't need philosophically perfect rules - in fact, perfect rules are impossible.

    As regards the principles of Buddhism and the rules, the only important question is, "Am I shitting myself?"



    IMHO

    Chet

  27. #27

    Re: Hard times...mentally

    Quote Originally Posted by disastermouse
    Hence, one would only ask the questions the OP is asking if one was trying to formulate philosophically correct rules. We don't need philosophically perfect rules - in fact, perfect rules are impossible.

    As regards the principles of Buddhism and the rules, the only important question is, "Am I shitting myself?"



    IMHO

    Chet
    Right on. I can't think of a good example right now but sometimes breaking a precept is the correct action. Like if a hunter was chasing an animal and asked you which way the animal went, you lie and say 'thata way' to save the animal. Rephrasing your question, What is it? right now.

  28. #28
    disastermouse
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    Re: Hard times...mentally

    Quote Originally Posted by Rich
    Quote Originally Posted by disastermouse
    Hence, one would only ask the questions the OP is asking if one was trying to formulate philosophically correct rules. We don't need philosophically perfect rules - in fact, perfect rules are impossible.

    As regards the principles of Buddhism and the rules, the only important question is, "Am I shitting myself?"



    IMHO

    Chet
    Right on. I can't think of a good example right now but sometimes breaking a precept is the correct action. Like if a hunter was chasing an animal and asked you which way the animal went, you lie and say 'thata way' to save the animal. Rephrasing your question, What is it? right now.
    I'm not entirely sure that lying to the hunter is the correct choice, actually.

    Chet

  29. #29
    Treeleaf Unsui Dosho's Avatar
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    Re: Hard times...mentally

    Quote Originally Posted by disastermouse
    Quote Originally Posted by Rich
    Quote Originally Posted by disastermouse
    Hence, one would only ask the questions the OP is asking if one was trying to formulate philosophically correct rules. We don't need philosophically perfect rules - in fact, perfect rules are impossible.

    As regards the principles of Buddhism and the rules, the only important question is, "Am I shitting myself?"



    IMHO

    Chet
    Right on. I can't think of a good example right now but sometimes breaking a precept is the correct action. Like if a hunter was chasing an animal and asked you which way the animal went, you lie and say 'thata way' to save the animal. Rephrasing your question, What is it? right now.
    I'm not entirely sure that lying to the hunter is the correct choice, actually.

    Chet
    ok, I'll bite...why wouldn't that be the correct choice?

  30. #30
    disastermouse
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    Re: Hard times...mentally

    Quote Originally Posted by Dosho

    ok, I'll bite...why wouldn't that be the correct choice?
    If the hunter's family is starving, why are we saving the animal?

    Chet

  31. #31
    Treeleaf Unsui Dosho's Avatar
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    Re: Hard times...mentally

    True enough. But I'll go with the one who isn't hunting with a gun. Just doesn't seem fair.

  32. #32
    disastermouse
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    Re: Hard times...mentally

    Quote Originally Posted by Dosho
    True enough. But I'll go with the one who isn't hunting with a gun. Just doesn't seem fair.
    Have you ever hunted?

    Try deer hunting. Most people I know, most years, DON'T get the deer. The gun doesn't even begin to level the playing field.

    But fair doesn't even enter into it. The point is simply to eat. The other thing is, deer living in the woods live much better lives until they are shot. Factory farmed animals have a much more dismal life, IMHO.

    Chet

  33. #33
    Treeleaf Unsui Dosho's Avatar
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    Re: Hard times...mentally

    It was a joke...that's usually what means.

  34. #34

    Re: Hard times...mentally

    Quote Originally Posted by disastermouse
    Quote Originally Posted by Dosho

    ok, I'll bite...why wouldn't that be the correct choice?
    If the hunter's family is starving, why are we saving the animal?

    Chet
    Good point. For each situation you may need to ask the question to understand it. I love the deer near my home, but if the food disappears and the deer appear they become the food. I don't expect this to happen, but we just don't know until the situation appears.

  35. #35

    Re: Hard times...mentally

    Quote Originally Posted by Adam
    Hello everyone,

    I first want to apologize for not writing for some time, but I've had some difficulty in my life recently. I seem to have a problem letting go of my judging ways. I haven't been able to release my ego and I find myself being the same old opinionated self (no self). I cannot seem to "let go" of these feelings and thoughts of comparing myself to others; instead of focusing on the good things that others offer. I seem to judge them by thinking that they are not following a life that I believe is the "right" way to act towards our fellow sentient beings. Moreover, this is not a productive way to live, so why am I viewing faults in others, when I should be looking at my own thoughts and actions? Now, I know that I shouldn't worry about how others live and I should live a life filled with compassion for all things, but these thoughts just jump into my head before I can stop them. I've been having a really hard time with this lately. It seems to be running my life right now, and I just want it to stop. I've never have had "holier than thou" feelings before, and I'm not sure that I'm experiencing that now, but I do feel like I'm losing the path a little bit. In addition, my zazen is suffering because of these negative thoughts. When I sit (few and far between lately) I cannot seem to just slow down and just BE. I would appreciate any advice or maybe some reassuring words that will help me better understand what I'm experiencing. Thank you.

    Gassho,

    Adam
    Greetings,

    The following is, of course, only my experience. I DO NOT IN ANY WAY claim to know you or what is best for you, etc.

    I believe that my subconscious is both very enlightened and very unenlightened, stuff just comes out. As Korean zen teacher Chinul said, it is all from our past experience. But I believe it is important to be kind to oneself and especially to one's delusions. And when delusions appear in one's conscious mind, it is a time for great rejoicing because there is, right here and now, the opportunity for great understanding. For me, "cutting through delusion" is the moment when I see my delusion. But it is also, in my understanding, delusion to believe that one's emotions must be ethical, for me emotions just happen. And I think that if you are beating yourself up for having unethical thoughts and feelings is just making more abuse in the world. So I hope you can be as gentle and kind to your own delusions as you are to others.

    As for transforming consciousness, my experience is definitely that at those moments when I clearly see a delusion, wham right over the head, that transformation takes place. And if, in spite of seeing an old delusion it remains with me, for me it is because there were so many years (sometimes decades) of experience reinforcing the delusion that it will take much time to change it.

    For me, understanding that feelings are just feelings, truly believing this and seeing it day by day, moment by moment, has liberated me very much from being caught up in "vines and weeds". (Jundo, what is the actual phrase? I have forgotten).

    The second vow, "delusions are inexhaustible, I vow to end them" is always with me. But delusions are absolutely the source of that great understanding we call enlightenment.

    Please be kinder and kinder to yourself on your road to living a more and more ethical life. And (for this Jew), the most ethical action is doing the right thing when I REALLY don't want to.

    gassho,
    rowan
    who hopes this has been useful and not intrusive

  36. #36

    Re: Hard times...mentally

    Hi again (reply number two)

    I think I did not your desire to be a less judgmental. For me, being judgmental is an expression of anger and a need to express hostility, and also, for me, judging is decision-making with malice. And so, what works most for me is to separate the emotion (anger) from the intellectual analysis. I then acknowledge and accept my feeling of anger which is what is really (usually) driving my judgmental thoughts.

    is this of any use?

    gassho,
    rowan/jinho

  37. #37

    Re: Hard times...mentally

    In my very limited knowlege, I just wanted to share what someone told me once that really helped me when I was in a simular situation. You can be in the world, but you don't have to be "of the world" meaning, if your coworker friends are sitting around complaining, you don't have to participate, this is an expression of thier pain. People being rude, mean is an expression of thier pain. There is a buddha in every tail light -> I try to remember that when people cut me off. (trust me, a certain finger got a workout before that one sunk in :lol: )

    Everything is just grist for the mill...a good "feet on the ground" metta practice goes far in these cases.

    You would not let a friend drive off a cliff, then why let them do that in thier life? Help your friend, with kindness, compassion and realize that the person who is dangerous, this is an expression of thier pain as well. (this is not saying your have to accept the behavior, that is not what I am saying at all, just wanted to be clear on that, but you don't have to hate either)


    For what it is worth, hope it helps..

    'Metta,
    Ezz

  38. #38

    Re: Hard times...mentally

    Quote Originally Posted by ezzirah
    In my very limited knowlege, I just wanted to share what someone told me once that really helped me when I was in a simular situation. You can be in the world, but you don't have to be "of the world" meaning, if your coworker friends are sitting around complaining, you don't have to participate, this is an expression of thier pain. People being rude, mean is an expression of thier pain. There is a buddha in every tail light -> I try to remember that when people cut me off. (trust me, a certain finger got a workout before that one sunk in :lol: )

    Everything is just grist for the mill...a good "feet on the ground" metta practice goes far in these cases.

    You would not let a friend drive off a cliff, then why let them do that in thier life? Help your friend, with kindness, compassion and realize that the person who is dangerous, this is an expression of thier pain as well. (this is not saying your have to accept the behavior, that is not what I am saying at all, just wanted to be clear on that, but you don't have to hate either)


    For what it is worth, hope it helps..

    'Metta,
    Ezz
    Wise advise. Not always so easy to keep, but we may get better at it with practice.

    I find, as the years have passed, I would find myself more and more observing and holding myself away from angry/greedy/complaining/gossipy conversations and the behavior of other more and more, rather than joining in and participating and falling in with the anger etc.. Yes, "in the world, but not fully of the world (especially with regard to the harmful aspects)" is a lovely way to express a facet of our practice.

    Still, ours is a lifetime practice, and every day and situation presents new opportunities to practice.

    Gassho, Jundo

  39. #39

    Re: Hard times...mentally

    Hi.

    My two cents in the matter is "When this happens, do this. when that happens, do that."

    Mtfbwy
    Fugen

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