You know, I have off days. Actually, I have off moments. By off moments I mean: moments where I'm a little drowsy or unbalanced.
This is life. Do you expect to conquer delusion and exalt radiance on everything that presents itself moment after moment?
This is a practice of humanity.
We're human guys/Gals! We are going to have off days. Zazen is Beautiful. Zazen is "Awake". However, we must keep sitting Zazen le! ("le" is used in Chinese at the end of a sentence, to show emphasis)Suzuki Roshi:
The goal of Buddhism is to bring about human life where there is no Buddhism.
One thing that comes up is guilt. Thinking our practice is not good enough. This actually might be beneficial in that it keeps us sitting, but it must be let go. What happens when you don't accept who you are? You feel guilt and anguish at not being perfect. Not being good enough.
When we are clear, we are clear. We maintain Buddha mind in all our activities. But when our eyes are focused, and we are thinking a lot, we need to remember that this is just a fact of being human.
Answer this question:
"Why do I think?"
Because you do. Not because you can, or because it is tool used for analysis. We think because we think. It is human to think. Do cats think? Don't know. But I know that humans like to go on and on about what "they" think.
There are a lot of "Buddhas" practicing and maintaining a lifestyle that is in line with Buddhist thought and practice. I am not one of them. I have off days. I eat chocolate and shop for video games. But this is just habit. Just something I do. This is one of many koans. I am not going to say that I am worthless and am not in sync with the Buddhist teachings. However, I am going to continue to practice, and carry Buddha mind with me a little more each day. That's the plan. Will it work? Don't know. Because I don't know, I have to trust this practice.