I was having a conversation about Pureland practice and Zen practice. A couple things came up that I think are important.
Zen is not an easy practice. It is not a fuzzy feeling, problem solving thing.
In the old days at some monasteries you had to show your sincerity by waiting outside the monastery until the monk said you can come in. After that, you would have to sit in the lotus position all day with people coming by to check.
Keizan Zenji said:
"Do not give the teachings unless asked sincerely three times."
When Kodo Sawaki first started practicing Zazen (maybe the first time. Not sure), a monk came by and bowed to him when he was sitting. He wondered why, eventually realizing that the posture of Zazen is dignified. It's Buddha.
It is essential that you keep marching on, even when the chips are down. We will face all the worst sides of ourself. But don't give up, and don't have hope. Just keep practicing. Practice until the day you die.
Zen has so much to offer (or not offer), but we have to put effort into seeing what that is. We can't just give up after a couple months, especially if our practice is inconsistent. Dogen wrote the Shobogenzo specifically for you.
No one is here to force you to do anything. It is entirely up to you. The teacher can only teach students willing to listen.
The great matter is Birth and Death.