Tugas Gunadarma Gunadarma Tutorial VB.NET Download OST Anime Soundtrack Anime Opening Anime Ending Anime OST Anime Japan Download Lagu Anime Jepang

Results 1 to 13 of 13

Thread: Jundo Tackles the 'BIG' Questions - VIII (Childhood Stuff)

  1. #1

    Jundo Tackles the 'BIG' Questions - VIII (Childhood Stuff)

    Hi,

    I hesitated to start a "Tackles the BIG Questions" thread on this topic ... because it will be more of a "toss out there" than a "tackle". However, Tobiah requested me to do so ... and several related topics came up ... about dealing with our pasts and old wounds ...

    There were Scotty's and Tobiah' comments on their Christian upbringings ....

    I am having a hard time letting go of my negative attachments and anger for lots of things that don't need to be discussed here. My wife and I left our church, which was not part of mainstream Christianity (LDS) according to most and my wife has begun attending a Bible study group with a local Non-Denom Christian church. I go with her to the study group out of support and in wanting to keep harmony in my home and marriage, though I find it increasingly difficult to stomach. It just doesn't sit with me well...but I know the issue is mine, not theirs, so I suppose this is most definitely part of my practice.
    viewtopic.php?p=22290#p22290
    ... and, of course, the powerful recent discussion on facing abuse in one's childhood ...

    viewtopic.php?p=20968#p20968

    So, what are good and wise Buddhist perspectives in facing psychological pain and baggage from the past, including bad childhoods?

    Well, I am really going to toss this out to the wisdom of the Sangha, and I do not think there is a single "one size fits all" formula for this. However, there is some basic Buddhist insight and wisdom that does fit most cases of the human condition, I think ....

    First, as we can, we try to drop old baggage. The mind keeps the past alive, and we can quiet the past, still the past, even forget the past ... by quieting the mind. An important aspect of our Shikantaza practice is the dropping of such thoughts and emotions, allowing the emotions to balance and calm. We drop too the gap between "what is and was" and what we think "should be".

    Of course, that is not always so easy, especially for serious trauma.

    So, for other baggage we cannot drop, we try (as we can) to observe each event objectively, avoiding too much dwelling, avoiding to stir up the powerful emotions ... as if we were merely observing an ugly pimple or scar on our cheek. It is just there.

    That, again, is not always so easy.

    If we still feel pain, we try to drop that too ... or, at least, drop resistance to the wound, thereby robbing it of fuel (having a wound, and picking at the wound ... are very different. We do not wallow in the wound, obsess on the wound, let our mind run wild ... at least to the degree we have control, not always the case for PTSS and the like). We recognize our pain, as if it were the pain of a broken leg ... and we also try to let it be.

    If we can, we forgive and drop anger. It is not always easy, and maybe not possible. It is natural to feel anger when certain people did certain acts to us and those we love ... But, ideally (emphasis on "ideally", because it is hard to do in many cases), we should see the harmdoer as himself/herself a victim of greed anger & ignorance. Ideally, our Buddhist way is to drop anger and resentment for the past. We try to learn from the past

    If we cannot drop the anger, at least, we try not to take action based upon it, try not to pour extra fuel upon it. We try to drop what we can.

    In this way, as we can, we drop the wounds of the past. I think.

    Gassho, Jundo

    Ps - I just want to make particular mention of the tendency in the west these days to WALLOW in our stories, with "he said she said", all ready to turn it into a drama on Oprah. This is definitely one thing we should avoid. We avoid to let the mind run wild with our story, and try to keep it cool and simple ... seeing it as "just what is", not some grand drama. This is true even for what is going on in our lives right now, not just in the past.

    Pps - On the particular question of feelings toward the Christianity raised by Scotty, if you can, put the church down. That does not mean that you cannot make reasonable criticisms of anything that should be rationally criticized (and praise what deserves to be praised too). That does not mean you have to again join the church or Christian faith if you do not wish, and it does not call you. But put the pain and emotions down.

    As I said ... this is more a "toss out there" than a "tackle"

  2. #2

    Re: Jundo Tackles the 'BIG' Questions - VIII

    Brad happens to have a related topic up over at his "pin up" site ...

    http://suicidegirls.com/news/culture/23636/

    Let me mention that I support Zazen hand-in-hand with psychological counseling for trauma and the like, where appropriate.

  3. #3

    Re: Jundo Tackles the 'BIG' Questions - VIII

    Thanks Jundo for 'throwing' this one out there...

    Hmm... correct me if I'm wrong, but what you're saying, from multiple perspectives, is "the past is gone, forget it." Or maybe "Learn from it, but let it go."

    I think I'll have to sit zazen another few decades before succeeding at that. Or maybe it will happen tomorrow.

    The problem, I think, is that Christianity is so woven into my brain because of being raised with it, and living in a country/region where it is dominant by far over other faiths. How to untangle it from everything else and drop it? It's like trying to drop a single thread from within a scarf.

    I could be dramatizing this, I guess. Maybe if I just let some time pass being un-christian, it will grow on me.

    gassho :?

    ps- like Jundo said, this one's for the whole Sangha... who's first?

  4. #4

    Re: Jundo Tackles the 'BIG' Questions - VIII

    Hi.

    A friend of mine use to say "expect nothing, be prepared for everything".

    mtfbwy
    Tb

  5. #5
    disastermouse
    Guest

    Re: Jundo Tackles the 'BIG' Questions - VIII

    Quote Originally Posted by Tobiah
    Thanks Jundo for 'throwing' this one out there...

    Hmm... correct me if I'm wrong, but what you're saying, from multiple perspectives, is "the past is gone, forget it." Or maybe "Learn from it, but let it go."

    I think I'll have to sit zazen another few decades before succeeding at that. Or maybe it will happen tomorrow.
    Zazen is not the only tool available, and many tools working in tandem may help.

    For dropping stories that won't drop by themselves, I like BK's inquiry.

    Chet

  6. #6

    Re: Jundo Tackles the 'BIG' Questions - VIII

    Jundo, Thank you tossing this out there.
    i understand why you were hasitante, but it is still worth while to talk aobut and bring in to the open.

    i remmber seeing inside actors studio with richard gere.
    he is a tibetan buddhist but when he was asked why he was attracted to buddhism his answer was
    something along the line that there is nothing buddhism wont put out in to the open or not handle.

    i think that this post demonstrates that.

    Gassgo, Dojin ( Daniel )

  7. #7

    Re: Jundo Tackles the 'BIG' Questions - VIII

    @ Tobiah

    The funny thing with my own Catholic background is that after so many years of having been decidedly un-christian, I find myself defending the catholic Church a lot these days...not with regards to their views most of the time, but because I know how their mindset works (and a lot of critics these days just don't know enough about all the different aspects of the Christian or in my case Catholic faith and church to base their criticisms on anything more than shallow prejudice and over-simplification).

    Mind you, if you asked me to write down a critique-list...I could still write pages and pages and pages...but you know what, letting time pass by really helped me lose all that original anger and gain a new perspective. Zazen helps too I guess, because our false sense of self-righteous EGO-pride loves to attach itself to emotions and opinions that seem justified...Zazen can teach us to seperate our intellectual and emotional assumptions (no matter how true they may ring) from "anger" that happens to be a self serving beast (although it disguises itself as a righteous outcry a lot of the times). Put your energy into the deeds that make you what are at this moment, not into what you're not.

    Gassho,

    Hans

  8. #8
    Treeleaf Unsui Shokai's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Sarnia, Ontario Canada
    Posts
    2,118
    Blog Entries
    121

    Re: Jundo Tackles the 'BIG' Questions - VIII

    I think this may serve to bring some hope to those who are having issues with letting go.

    Recently my computer had a meltdown and the much feared "loss of data" happened; years of writings, notations, pictures, etc, not properly backed-up! For a short moment there was the feeling of panic but then I think my practice kicked in and I faced the reality. Actually, it felt good !! It is what it is !! I have memories from forty, fifty (omg, sixty) years ago; times when I was harmed or abused (it's all a matter of perception). I recall times when I clung to these dramas and caused grief for myself and others (particularly my family). None of those behaviours were worth it. In time we come to realize that; Why not sooner than later. I still have the memories but, can look at the good and the bad with equal feelings without becoming maudlin. The compassionate view of the perpetrator as a victim really helps to balance your equnimity.

    gassho, rj

  9. #9

    Re: Jundo Tackles the 'BIG' Questions - VIII

    I'm no stranger to having some horrid things in the past happen, that had the potential to cause problems today. However even when I was young, My best friend's grandmother taught me something in her broken English when she noticed I was down about something that was bothering me ( though I don't recall what it was)

    She told me something that will ring quite familiar in places to many people here, she said " BAH, forget whats bothering you itoshigo, you are young, and still much more in this life for you...don't waste it on something that's already over with, it can't be changed... what matters is right now, and now becomes tomorrow, today; yesterday. enjoy it, learn from it ...

    And that stuck with me ( even if at times it's alittle hard to follow) , it seemed so simple, too simple actually...just...let things go, learn from it, and move on... a bad experience, or doing something Im not really fond of, I tend to simply role with it, and look at it in the way that I get an opportunity to learn something, and add more experiences to my life.

  10. #10
    Senior Member AlanLa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    East Texas
    Posts
    1,264

    Re: Jundo Tackles the 'BIG' Questions - VIII

    Paraphrasing Obama's speech yesterday and applying it to people instead of nations: You can't move into the future if you are bound by the past.

  11. #11

    Re: Jundo Tackles the 'BIG' Questions - VIII

    Quote Originally Posted by aikoku tora
    She told me something that will ring quite familiar in places to many people here, she said " BAH, forget whats bothering you itoshigo, you are young, and still much more in this life for you...don't waste it on something that's already over with, it can't be changed... what matters is right now, and now becomes tomorrow, today; yesterday. enjoy it, learn from it ...

    .
    I have found that many grandmothers are natural Zen teachers.

  12. #12

    Re: Jundo Tackles the 'BIG' Questions - VIII

    Quote Originally Posted by Jundo
    Quote Originally Posted by aikoku tora
    She told me something that will ring quite familiar in places to many people here, she said " BAH, forget whats bothering you itoshigo, you are young, and still much more in this life for you...don't waste it on something that's already over with, it can't be changed... what matters is right now, and now becomes tomorrow, today; yesterday. enjoy it, learn from it ...

    .
    I have found that many grandmothers are natural Zen teachers.
    I think the core foundation of my early Zen philosophy came from her...I loved that woman dearly, and was perhaps more excited to see her when she would make the long trip out to the states than my friend was....of course I was a child and no idea what Zen philosophy really was...I do remember telling her she was wiser than master Yoda though, she got a tickle out of that.

    even though she's gone now, I always look back at her little talks and remember helping her out in the garden " she thought her son could have done a better job up keeping it" just to listen to her stories, and little lessons. and hold her much in the same regard as one does their own sensei...but she was more than that to me, she was family, if not by blood, then by mind alone was enough.

  13. #13

    Re: Jundo Tackles the 'BIG' Questions - VIII

    Thanks for posting this, Jundo. Because the original post mentioned the thread on abuse, I feel compelled to respond.

    It is possible to let the past go, though sometimes we need to travel back to whatever issue is holding us down and allow ourselves to feel the emotions that are so often shoved aside. Once those emotions, memories, etc. are processed, they lose their power over us...and the results can be life changing.

    My therapy is done and I've been officially discharged, I managed to not only drop my past but forgive my father as well, and all before he passed away. I was pushing to let go before he did, and we can both be at peace now. It may not be such a quick process for everyone. These things take time and a lot of self examination work. Sometimes it borders on self elimination, because our egos can be so wrapped up in things that have long since vanished. You learn a lot about yourself when you see your life as you know it falling apart.

    The beauty is knowing that once the past has been let go, you're still standing. We become dependent on our past to verify our existence, and then suddenly without all the pain and sadness, who are we? That's the point where life truly begins.

    Gassho,
    Dave

Similar Threads

  1. Jundo Tackles the 'BIG' Questions - VI (Karma)
    By Jundo in forum Jundo Tackles the 'BIG' Questions
    Replies: 31
    Last Post: 05-07-2014, 10:24 PM
  2. Jundo Tackles the 'BIG' Questions - III (The One)
    By Jundo in forum Jundo Tackles the 'BIG' Questions
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 05-07-2014, 07:05 PM
  3. Jundo Tackles the 'BIG' Questions - II (Life's Purpose?)
    By Jundo in forum Jundo Tackles the 'BIG' Questions
    Replies: 23
    Last Post: 05-07-2014, 04:42 PM
  4. Jundo Tackles the 'BIG' Questions - IX (Bad Roshis)
    By Jundo in forum Jundo Tackles the 'BIG' Questions
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 11-18-2013, 09:16 PM
  5. Jundo Tackles the 'BIG' Questions - V (Love)
    By Jundo in forum Jundo Tackles the 'BIG' Questions
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 11-26-2008, 08:36 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •