I was bored in my physics lab today and jotted this down quickly. Add more if you like.
20 Things Zen will not do:
1. Make tedious activities completely enjoyable.
2. Give one the ability to write and speak cryptically, all the time.
3. Totally relax you.
4. Kill massive amounts of time.
5. Make the in-laws bearable. *
6. Give one the ability to levitate.
7. Always make you happy/sad.
8. Eliminate traffic.
9. Let one ignore the fart in a crowded elevator.
10. Make you a better person, different from the person you are now.
11. Pay for college.
12. Give one a radiant glow.
13. Open closed doors.
14. Remove stains from floors.
15. Make that annoying zit go away.
16. Stop the rain or snow.
17. Make your boss stop nagging.
18. Make a poor movie seem like a box office hit.
19. Take away a hangover.
20. Make the baby stop crying.
* Not by changing the in-laws directly.