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Thread: 20 Things Zen will not do.

  1. #1
    Myoshin
    Guest

    20 Things Zen will not do.

    I was bored in my physics lab today and jotted this down quickly. Add more if you like.

    20 Things Zen will not do:

    1. Make tedious activities completely enjoyable.
    2. Give one the ability to write and speak cryptically, all the time.
    3. Totally relax you.
    4. Kill massive amounts of time.
    5. Make the in-laws bearable. *
    6. Give one the ability to levitate.
    7. Always make you happy/sad.
    8. Eliminate traffic.
    9. Let one ignore the fart in a crowded elevator.
    10. Make you a better person, different from the person you are now.
    11. Pay for college.
    12. Give one a radiant glow.
    13. Open closed doors.
    14. Remove stains from floors.
    15. Make that annoying zit go away.
    16. Stop the rain or snow.
    17. Make your boss stop nagging.
    18. Make a poor movie seem like a box office hit.
    19. Take away a hangover.
    20. Make the baby stop crying.

    * Not by changing the in-laws directly.

    Gassho,
    Kyle

  2. #2

    Re: 20 Things Zen will not do.

    I would say that Zen can also do all of that, except for the "Make you a better person, different from the person you are now."

    Gassho

  3. #3
    Treeleaf Unsui Shohei's Avatar
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    Oct 2007
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    Re: 20 Things Zen will not do.


    Im pretty sure that 1,2,3,4,5 18 and 19 were successfully handled by pot for me for quite a while :twisted: . Practicing zen Buddhism didn't make them go away either but its help give some perspective with 100% less pot ( so far ). ops:

    Gassho, Shohei

  4. #4

    Re: 20 Things Zen will not do.

    Well. At least does seem Zen will give you a good hair cut at a cheap price. :mrgreen:

  5. #5

    Re: 20 Things Zen will not do.

    9. Let one ignore the fart in a crowded elevator.


    a) There is no fart
    b) The fart is emptiness
    c) The fart is Buddha Nature
    d) Who Farted?
    e) I want to be the inventor of the cell phone that can not only send pictures, video, sounds and text, but also a data packet that allows the recipient of your hastily tapped-out message to smell the elevator fart with you, in real time. And I will give Jundo credit on the package for being my inspiration.


    Gassho
    [*toot*] :mrgreen:

  6. #6

    Re: 20 Things Zen will not do.

    a) There is no fart
    b) The fart is emptiness
    c) The fart is Buddha Nature
    d) Who Farted?
    However,

    Let's hope it's our own, eh.

    Peeeyeeewww.


    W

  7. #7

    Re: 20 Things Zen will not do.

    Okay, I took the bait. Here are 20 silly capping phrases ... :P


    20 Things Zen will not do ... yet wait ... :

    1. Make tedious activities completely enjoyable.It will quite often. (Or, at least, make each just what it is.)
    2. Give one the ability to write and speak cryptically, all the time. The hungry dragon takes to its lair, and a crane flies south
    3. Totally relax you.It will quite often (except those times when it doesn't).
    4. Kill massive amounts of time. It will do that. Anyway, what is time?
    5. Make the in-laws bearable. * It will, it will, it will. Your brother-in-law is a jewel!
    6. Give one the ability to levitate. In a moment of Zazen, one moves here there and to the farthest star
    7. Always make you happy/sad. When happy, be happy. When sad, just be sad
    8. Eliminate traffic. No place to go
    9. Let one ignore the fart in a crowded elevator. The scent of the lotus flower
    10. Make you a better person, different from the person you are now. It will!
    11. Pay for college.No! But 'tis a way beyond words and letters
    12. Give one a radiant glow.

    13. Open closed doors. It will open the mind's closed doors
    14. Remove stains from floors. There is nothing to clean
    15. Make that annoying zit go away. Try clearasil
    16. Stop the rain or snow. The clouds part and the clear blue sky is seen
    17. Make your boss stop nagging. no boss, no employee
    18. Make a poor movie seem like a box office hit. All of life is a movie (but avoid anything recently with Jim Carrey)
    19. Take away a hangover. Refrain from intoxicants, all things in moderation
    20. Make the baby stop crying. A Buddha's chanting.! Now, Buddha wants his bottle and a clean nappie.

    .

  8. #8

    Re: 20 Things Zen will not do.

    Everything Jundo said...
    Gassho (of humility before the Master)

    Bravo!

  9. #9
    Myoshin
    Guest

    Re: 20 Things Zen will not do.

    Well. At least does seem Zen will give you a good hair cut at a cheap price.
    HAHAHA!

    Thanks for the replies they made my day.

    Gassho,
    Kyle

  10. #10

    Re: 20 Things Zen will not do.

    Ummmmmmmmmm....
    Will it do the dishes?!

  11. #11

    Re: 20 Things Zen will not do.

    Zhaozhou washes the bowl

    A monk asked Zhaozhou to teach him.
    Zhaozhou asked, "Have you eaten your meal?"
    The monk replied, "Yes, I have."
    "Then go wash your bowl", said Zhaozhou.
    At that moment, the monk was enlightened.

  12. #12
    disastermouse
    Guest

    Re: 20 Things Zen will not do.

    Quote Originally Posted by Myoshin
    I was bored in my physics lab today and jotted this down quickly. Add more if you like.

    20 Things Zen will not do:

    1. Make tedious activities completely enjoyable.
    2. Give one the ability to write and speak cryptically, all the time.
    3. Totally relax you.
    4. Kill massive amounts of time.
    5. Make the in-laws bearable. *
    6. Give one the ability to levitate.
    7. Always make you happy/sad.
    8. Eliminate traffic.
    9. Let one ignore the fart in a crowded elevator.
    10. Make you a better person, different from the person you are now.
    11. Pay for college.
    12. Give one a radiant glow.
    13. Open closed doors.
    14. Remove stains from floors.
    15. Make that annoying zit go away.
    16. Stop the rain or snow.
    17. Make your boss stop nagging.
    18. Make a poor movie seem like a box office hit.
    19. Take away a hangover.
    20. Make the baby stop crying.

    * Not by changing the in-laws directly.

    Gassho,
    Kyle
    "A man once came to see the Buddha to get help with his problems. After the man had told the Buddha one of his problems and asked for help, the Buddha replied: "I cannot help you get rid of that problem."

    The man was surprised that the Buddha could not help him in this regard, but he told the Buddha about another problem; he thought to himself that the Buddha should at least be able to help him with that problem. But the Buddha told him "I cannot help you with that problem either."

    The man started to get impatient. He said: "How can it be that you are the perfectly Enlightened Buddha, when you canít even help people get rid of their problems?" The Buddha answered: "You will always have 83 problems in your life. Sometimes a problem will go, but then another problem will come. I cannot help you with that."

    The baffled man asked the Buddha: "But, what can you help me with, then?" The Buddha replied: "I can help you get rid of your 84th problem." The man asked: "But what is my 84th problem?" The Buddha replied: "That you want to get rid of your 83 problems."

    Chet

  13. #13

    Re: 20 Things Zen will not do.

    "But what is my 84th problem?" The Buddha replied: "That you want to get rid of your 83 problems."
    And... cue the drum roll.

    Gassho

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