You know, if someone were to ask me what Zen practice is I would say "I don't know."
I have had so many moments in this practice where I have been so sure that this is it, only to have them turn around. We're talking thousands of, not realizations, but self assurances, affirmations of "I get it." A chance to get it. However, even now I can't say I was wrong or missed the point. In doing so I might be neglecting something important.
All I can say at this moment is this:
It seems that Zazen or Zen is studying the self, but not academically. It seems that we are just biding time until there is a moment where body and mind balance out, we let go of trying and are in this moment.
You know, I used to think the moment was beyond the typical. That it was all colors, cherry blossoms in Spring, reflections on a window, "seeing beyond". And perhaps it is. However, right now it seems very ordinary. Just this. Body and mind is balanced, there's no tension there, no torpor, and no out of control thoughts. Just this. Very ordinary. Perhaps from this ordinariness practice flourishes, but I can't know for sure. Yes, I do understand my self better, and see how I can be caught up in thinking or delusion, mistaking the finger for the moon. Anyway, things go on, and we can't linger.
What I also have a better understanding of is the sentence "If there's the slightest grasping or naming it, Heaven and Earth are ripped apart".
Notice that. Life goes on when were not worrying about it.