i like the idea of zen and shikantaza. the japanese trappings make me a bit crazy. the buddhist trappings make me crazy. the Stick sickens me. actually doing zazen is quite rigorous and painful both mentally and physically. i went to a zendo tonight that i hadn't gone to in a while. i hadn't sat more that 15 minutes in long time. it was amazing how much i wanted to do ANYTHING but just sit. i thought about slipping out during kinhin, but i didn't. i stayed and we had a great little dharma chat group. however, the dharma makes me crazy too. what to do? i got into this whole mess to end suffering or struggling or whatever. thoughts?