I like to just say something about what started me doing Zazen and has kept me doing it really.
Mostly it was some idea that there was something wrong with me. Something that I needed to fix. Originally I wasn't good enough. This perhaps changed to an effort to change myself. Of course all along the thing that I wanted was the thing that was a hinderance to practice. Caught up in it more and more. Trying more and more to change just kept moving deeper towards dellusion, and ego. The point is you can't really change who you are. You just have to accept the fact that you can't fix it. There is nothing that you can do. When this happens, there is a breakthrough sort of. But if that is objectified, it just becomes another view of "Ok. Now I'm getting somewhere." But your really just going backwards again.
Kodo Sawaki says that "Zazen is good for nothing."
I tried so hard that my head would hurt all day long from narrowing my eyes and actually being caught up in this ego (thoughts etc.). Always thinking how to change this or that. Always thinking, thinking, thinking. Trying to stop the thinking etc. Objectifying this and that. I had such an idea about what was right and what was wrong, but it didn't improve anything at all. I continued to just be as tense, greedy, angry, irritable, paranoid, self righteous as always. So I couldn't really change anything. I just needed, partly, to let it go.
When I would read or write, it was: think, think, think. Think about just imaginary stuff and what I feel, and attachment instead the actual circumstances.
The thing is. It becomes a habit that is tough to break and you can't expect things to happen right away (from my experience). You just kind of have to notice and let things be, and open up.
Here's an example of my particular situation:
I would not be able to feel the body at all. When I would hear a sound, the back of my head and my ear would tense at the sound. At this time I would notice this, but would start thinking about it and attach to that thinking. I'd say something like "Ok. My ear is tensing, but that is just tension, and I should just let it tense. Why is it tensing so much? etc." This is not just letting things be.
In Zazen you just really have to let it be, and come back to the posture and open your eyes etc., but if you think that this will make you better than it just won't do anything.
I think each of us is really good at something in our practice. I was really good at tension, narrowing and over thinking. I guess that's why it's called practice, because each person has to find their own way. However, I think we're all pretty similiar.
Until we meet again young grasshopper. Hahaha :x