what do you experience during Zazen?
describe your feelings? what do you go through? try to explain what it is you experience....
when i sit i dont feel much. mostly just thoughts that come and go, they arise and just float by while i continue sitting, at times i experience brief moments without any thoughts at all, but they are actually not different from thought, having thoughts or not does not matter, as i write these lines i suddenly feel no difference between the 2 states. they are truly one.
thought or no thought does not exist, yet they exist at the same time.
at times i sense like everything i see blurs and becomes darker yet it is the same as always. it somehow blurs and becomes focused at the same time. i do not know how to even explain it. it is like everything becomes part of everything else and yet stays itself. it feels like everything is still yet the world moves.
i feel nothing yet i feel everything all at once. as i write these words it seems to me that everything i wrote does not describe what i experience during Zazen. i guess i lac the words to describe it, or it is more likely it is beyond words? ( i do not know )
i am reminded of a koan i once read :
forgive me if what i wrote seems like the rambling of an idiot, i humbly bow my head to you all.Gutei's Finger
Gutei raised his finger whenever he was asked a question about Zen. A boy attendant began to imitate him in this way. When anyone asked the boy what his master had preached about, the boy would raise his finger.
Gutei heard about the boy's mischief. He seized him and cut off his finger. The boy cried and ran away. Gutei called and stopped him. When the boy turned his head to Gutei, Gutei raised up his own finger. In that instant the boy was enlightened.
When Gutei was about to pass from this world he gathered his monks around him. `I attained my finger-Zen,' he said, `from my teacher Tenryu, and in my whole life I could not exhaust it.' Then he passed away.
forgive me if i have wasted your time.