imagine there's a spectrum (or something) of 'being understood'.
from a practical necessity of communicating for survival "i have food" (my personal favorite) or "go this way, it's safe"; to connecting socially or becoming closer "i can identify" "i care" or "i love you"; to asserting or defending a position or self-concept with crazed intensity "i'm not this, i'm THAT" "you just don't get it!" "i'm going to keep explaining it till you see it how i do" or whatever.
and then there are the responses, or non-responses. people don't see/do what you want, you don't see/do what they want.... which can, in turn, have this effect or that effect....
and attitudes: from "is that so?" to "i must make my self (?) understood".
i personally grew up terrified of being misunderstood, like i would be left to die or be subjugated if i don't 'speak up' and 'make sense'. but i'm going to start sitting with that.
anyway, all this fear/social requirement keeps me defending/asserting a self. often, real things are at stake-- work, food, shelter, survival. where's the balance?